Nonsense and Mayhem from a Full-time Half-wit

jeeze, can't you take a joke

2010-04-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

every time i go to wal-mart, there is an opportunity for me to photograph the oddballs that frequent said store and exploit them via the interweb. on a side note... jess and i had thought up the idea of "people of wal-mart" long before that website swept the web but we just didn't do anything about it. if you haven't been to peopleofwalmart.com, go there now. i can wait. back so soon? see? isn't it the funniest site? brilliant!

tonight was no different as far as possible specimens to photograph and mock. including but not limited to a young man working one of the registers wearing skinny jeans, with pale ass skin, jet black hair and other trappings worthy of pete wentz. oddly enough, he was wearing a name tag that read "ashlee". sorry but that shit was funny.

i asked my cashier if his name really was ashlee. i mean, it is possible that ashlee was his given name. look at gone with the wind. scarlett spends most of the book (and film) mooning over ashley wilkes. granted... it's not really considered a boy name anymore but it certainly could be. my cashier (an older woman) said that she thought that his legal given name was earnest. even better. i proceeded to make a sociological joke about how teens think that now one ever has or will understand them. and that by showing their individuality, they all end up looking the same as every other teen. (a point, i believe, i have made in past posts) well... old lady cashier interrupts saying, "well, in the bible, it says that we should love, first and foremost. jesus tells us that we should love one another and not judge." i looked at her and said, "i'm covered in tattoos. who am i to cast the first stone?" i'll take your jesus quote and raise you one, bitch.

1. why can't any of these frickin bible thumpers listen to what is being said instead of jumping to their own conclusions. and therefore judging the speaker, which old lady cashier said jesus said not to do? bitch, you don't know me. i bet i can out quote you in bible. i took two semesters of it in college, was a summer missionary for 6 years, went to a baptist university and was the vice president for the fellowship of christian students. i know my damn bible. i know what jesus said and i don't need you to tell me. you throwing jesus and/or the bible in my face to make your point just makes me tune you out. you become demoted to the level of religious zealot. and that just makes people uncomfortable like one of those crazy people who wear a sandwich board that says that the end is near.

2. why can't these same thumpers take a damn joke. i mean, really. i read an extremely funny book called, lamb by christopher moore. basically, it is the (fictional) gospel of biff, jesus' best friend. it is rather irreverent but very hilarious. but i'm pretty sure that old lady cashier would be the first to throw Lamb onto the bonfire. jesus is always portrayed with that droopy sad face but i have a feeling that he could totally hang. he's the son of god and god made giraffes and platypus and lady gaga. i know that god can hang and has one hell of a sense of humor. all i'm saying is... people need to lighten up.

this life is too damn short to take yourself so seriously. now, i will be the first to admit that i wear my heart on my sleeve and as a general rule, my face is an open window to my thoughts and feelings. being so emotive is good in that most everyone can plainly see how you are feeling. but it leaves one exposed. i feel very deeply and transversely i can be hurt, emotionally, very deeply. but i am learning to let it all roll off my back. a hard lesson, to be sure, but this world will add enough stress of it's own without my help. as the song says: Life is just a bowl of cherries. don't take it serious; life's too mysterious. so live and laugh. laugh and love. live, love, laugh at it all.

Back in the saddle again

2010-04-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

So. it has been far too long since i have written on this blog. and now, with the recent drive to open and run my own yarn shop, i plan to really utilize this medium and record my thoughts and actions for those who care to read it (which, less face it, is no one because no one reads this blog) however, i hope to drum up interest in both me and my (currently non-existent) yarn shop, Knitterbugs of New Braunfels (it's a working title)

so... to catch you up on the last year...

in April of '09, Himself and i moved from sunny Florida to the greatest state of all, Texas. i worked at a bookstore while Himself searched for work, which turned out to be a bitch of a task as he was too qualified to do most work even within his field. after about a month at the bookstore, i scored a job at a theme park within their entertainment dept. of course it was in the costume dept and i hadn't sat a sewing machine in almost 10 years. but quite honestly, i wasn't half bad. i made several pieces for several shows and even made a few articles of clothing for myself (some without a pattern, which is no easy feat, let me tell you) after about 6 months, i moved to the tech dept (much more up my alley, i must admit) and have been doing tech work ever since.

do i like it?

yes.

am i frustrated as hell?

usually.

gotta lay it on the line for you here, dear readers, theatre and "entertainment" are not the same thing, no matter how one may tart itself up as the other. i have theatrical experience out the effin ass but here it tends to be all for naught. so that is why i want to open my own yarn shop. (which isn't totally true but makes for dramatic effect)

i want it to have all the warm coziness of a nest. a big work table where people can test the yarns, bring their projects to work on and gossip, or just sit and thumb through pattern books. i want to teach others how to create soft fluffy things by wielding sharp pointy sticks and/or a hook. i want to spearhead charities that will utilize my talents and give back to the community. there will be hardwood floors (or at least look like hardwood) and a reading corner. the shelves will be busting with gorgeous yarns of every color and texture. sock yarns, bamboo silks, hand painted yarns, thick chunky wools, delicate cashmere and angora. warm bamboo needles and hooks that feel like an extension of your hand which gives the yarn shape and purpose and allows you to bend the fibers to your will. i want to pass along the passion i have for homemade goods and give my customers a place to sell their own creations on commission. in my mind's eye it is inviting and warm and perfect. i can't wait to see what this venture unfolds.

so why now? why a yarn shop? can't people buy yarn at wal-mart or a another chain craft store?

sure they can... if they want run of the mill yarn. but for hard core, die hard yarn crafters, wal-mart ain't gonna cut it. there is something quite intoxicating about walking into a shop filled with all the lush beauty of premiere yarns. i have a friend at work. he is as passionate about carpentry and building, as i am about yarn and yarn craft. hardware stores are his church and he worships gladly at the alter of craftsmanship. blood, sweat and (sometimes) tears go in to his projects and while our focus is definitely skewed, it is our kindred spirit in our varying crafts that link us as friends (and why we should both be supervised when going into stores catering to our passions i.e. yarn shops and hardware stores.) when a passion ignites the soul, it is hard to extinguish the flame. i want to feed the flame so that consumes others. i want others to taste the empowerment of making something out of nothing. that is why i want to open my own shop.

as for the "why now"... why not? granted, i'm only in my 30's but i'm not getting any younger. and as i always say... a life lived in fear is a life half lived. i understand very well that i may fail at opening my shop. i understand that it may just be a pipe dream that will never come to a reality. but, for those of you who know me, well... you know that i'm not easily dissuaded by a fear. i wanted to work in theatre professionally and i did. i wanted to teach myself to knit and crochet and i did. i wanted to teach myself to bake bread and to cook on a hobby gourmet level and i did. once i have made up my mind to do something, i'm like a bull shark. i won't let go. i won't relent until my goal is reached.

so there it is. to be honest, i may not be able to write everyday. but i will make a great effort to write as much as i can. to keep everyone in the loop, as it were. there are great things on the horizon. i'll be interested to see how it all unfolds from here.

regrets

2009-02-05T15:26:00.000-08:00

regret is a funny thing. it sneaks up on you unawares, at times, and makes you remember. remembering isn't so bad as regret; it's the remembering of things best left forgotten that is waring on the soul. as with most people, i have many regrets in my life. i really try not to dwell on these things as i tend to beat myself up about issues, whether i am at fault or not. it's just in my nature; it's who i am. i think that this trait is what gives me the deep seeded desire to please people and make people happy.

the last few weeks have been heavy on my heart and maybe the venting/musing/addressing of these things will help lift this burden. there are so many things that i regret doing and, transversely, not doing. it's the things that are unsaid and the things that should never have been said. i regret marrying my ex-husband. i suppose that i will always have the bruises and scars that he left on me, despite the fact that the physical evidence of abuse have long since healed. i thought that i was supposed to "wait until marriage". that was what the preacher said. "wait until marriage". my ex told me that the only reason he asked me to marry him was so that i would have sex with him. he told me this a year and a half into our marriage. ass. and i was a fool. a young, naive fool who thought that if she tried harder and loved stronger, then her marriage would work out. love has to go both ways, and there came a point where i couldn't give anymore, for i had nothing left to give. i grew to fear him and i hated him and i regret that i didn't get myself out of that situation sooner.

i regret going to college straight out of high school. my senior year of high school was when i looked my best (in my humble opinion). i was a mere size 10 and i was singing and dancing everyday. true, by attending college, i gained valuable stage technique and i learned a great deal about my craft, but i looked hot coming out of high school and looks are what count in this business. no one truly knows how hard i have had to work at loosing the 50 or so pounds which i lost this year. and sometimes i feel that if i had gone straight to NYC, perhaps... well... maybe things would be different for me. maybe not better, but definitely different.

i have some other regrets that are a little too fresh and the wound is still a little too raw to delve into at this time. there was recently a moment that i should have taken action. there were words that should have been said, but the moment has long past and all i am left with are "what if's". i know in my heart of hearts that i missed my opportunity and that knowledge has carved a small hole within. some days, i barely notice that the hole is there. it's as if the what if's and maybe's have been blown away like puffs of smoke. but then i face the days where i am all to aware of my regret and it feels like there is a bruise on my heart. hearts break and mend every day and i know that there will come a day when the memory is no longer tender to the touch. until that day, i will soldier on as best i can. mending and slowly forgetting.

they say that the best thing about regret is that it is never too late. this is true. unfortunately, fear creates a wall that is sometimes to difficult to overcome. fear can be a paralyzing force that will hinder every choice you are faced with. so essentially, regret is fear. at the base of most of my regret is the element of fear. well, except the regret i have about not buy a certain pair of shoes. god, i should have bought those shoes. but most everything else is tinged with fear. i was afraid of failure, so i didn't go to NYC. i was afraid of rejection, so i never told him that i loved him. i was afraid of ridicule, so i went along with the crowd, knowing that they were wrong. you see, crippling fear will best the strongest of us. my only hope is to take what i have learned and stand up and proudly be just me. and if i don't fear the outcome, i shall never again feel the pangs of regret because at least i tried. i loved. i experienced. and i did it all completely and whole heartedly. live. life is a banquet and most poor bastards are starving to death.

the blues

2009-01-21T22:41:00.000-08:00

i like the blues. always have. i love to listen to those smokey standards sung in a dimly lit bar by a beautiful woman lounging on a piano in a sparkling gown. i have never been one to write songs. i wrote bad emo poetry back in high school, before there was such a thing as emo, but i never felt like i could write song lyrics. and god help me, every time i tried to write music, it would come out sounding like everything i do, i do it for you. this is my shame. i will sing you every song from every musical i have ever seen but i can't write it myself.

well tonight is the night. i got the inspiration to write these lyrics while at work and wrote it down as soon as i got home. just remember that this is a first draft and i've never written a song before. so, please, be gentle. also picture me singing it in a seedy bar filled with a blue smokey haze in a sparkling gown, lounging across a piano

i am not that girl by tat2kitten

my longing could fill the sea
with just one glance at me
you melt my willing soul

my hope could soar above
if i could feel your love
your heart's an unreachable goal

for i am not the girl
i wanna share your world
to kiss away your care
your worry and fear
but i am not the girl

my dreams reach out for you
my heart is broken in two
cause i want you in my life

like a moth drawn to the flame
my desire does the same
you burn me with your eyes

for i am not the girl
i wanna share your world
to feel the touch of your skin
why won't you let me in?
cause i am not the girl

confuse me
abuse me
enslave me
only your love can save me

but i am not the girl
i wanna share your world
to kiss away your care
your worry and your fear
but i am not the girl
to feel the touch of your skin
baby, please let me in
oh no
i am not the girl

Little Wonders

2009-01-10T21:14:00.000-08:00

there are times, and i think that i can speak for most people, that i am overwhelmed, overworked, under appreciated, under valued and simply downtrodden. hopefully not all at once... but there are those times when you feel that your essence is sapped from you and you wonder how you can keep your head above water. some people turn to their distraction of choice, be it drugs, drink, cigars ;) chocolate or any other external substance that will make it all better. my chocolate is sitting next to me at the moment. some people will exercise their blues away. not me buddy. i'm too lazy for that. i, personally, simply like to be held -- even for just a moment. i sometimes think that i don't get enough of that. isn't it funny, the things that one ends up compromising in relationships.

anyway. there is a great song, one of my favorites, called Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. it was the featured song in the film Meet the Robinsons by Disney. Rob Thomas said that he wrote it after watching his dog enjoying the wind blowing in its face while they walked in the park. there is a lesson to be learned from that little dog. enjoy the simple pleasures of life. the sun warming your skin. the smell of newly opened blossoms. the sound of a cat's purr. the things that we take for granted in life which are tiny gifts for us to enjoy, they are what make life worth living.

Little Wonders by Rob Thomas

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain

the customer is always right (in their own mind)

2008-12-30T10:32:00.000-08:00

well, kids...

i'm back in retail. and i am back at a book store. bonus. as some of you may know, i once worked at a book store chain and left for weird circumstances. but that is all behind me now as i have a great job, which i thoroughly enjoy at a new book store chain. and i'm not just saying all that because my boss might read my blog. i've said it before... working at a book store is great if you are at customer service because everyone that comes in the store assumes that you have read all the books that you sell. they ask you in almost reverent tones where they too might find a book which could offer them such enlightenment. it's like you are a librarian that doesn't shout at people for being too loud. sometimes you will have a customer that is stupefied that you can't find "that book with the word blue in the title that that guy on the radio was talking about this morning" "well, what radio station, ma'am?" "oh, i don't know. my kids were listening to it." and of course the that is the only information that they have to give. let me just say... i'm good, but i'm not that good. i once had a woman ask me to find "that book with the word wolf in the title". it wasn't about wolves but had a wolf on the cover. do you know how many books have the word "wolf" in the title? after scrolling through about 64 titles, i gave up and told her to just call when she had more info. on my first day at my new job, i had someone ask me for the "new" bram stoker novel. stoker died in 1912. i don't think that he has had anything published in a while. i have a friend who worked for the same company as myself and he had a frustrated woman that wanted a specific edition of the new testament. i say frustrated because at reaching her wits end in not finding what she wanted, turned to him and asked pleadingly, "when did they start putting the old and new testaments together?" oh, i don't know, like 300 AD. god, i love those strange few customers that give my blog fodder.

i've only been working at the store for a little less than a month, but already i have had some folks that defy normalcy. there is one guy that used to hang out at my old bookstore that now hangs out at my new bookstore. that man gives me the heebie jeebies. to me, he looks like what i imagine gollum would have looked like if instead of lurking in the depths of the misty mountains, had moved to a trailer park and eaten twinkies while he fondled "the precious". needless to say, i tend to stay on the other side of the store when i see this fellow. i'm sure he's nice but i tend to judge on my instincts and my instincts tell me to run away, run away! we have our share of oddballs, sure. like the old guys that buy a readers digest, paula dean's newest cookbook and the best of lesbian erotica of 2008. or the emo kids that think that they look very individualistic but actually look like the other group of emo kids that just left, who looked like the other emo kids that were there the night before. there is always at least one parent, every shift, that can not or will not control their child/ children. and there is at least one perv (probably trailer park gollum) that leaves random bits of porn all over the store. thank god, i like my co-workers

that is the thing about retail... it is a lot easier to get through a shift when you enjoy working with the staff. my last bookstore had a fun group of booksellers but the manager was difficult and looked like a giraffe. not that she was difficult because she looked like a giraffe, but she did and she was. i don't know what her deal was but she always seemed to not like me. it happens. i was good at my job, great at upselling, gift co-ordinating, and customer service but i was never "good enough" to achieve the employee of the month. and it was obvious to the entire staff that she purposely skipped me every month. so i took it upon myself to buy a oversized novelty button that read, "employee of the month" and wore it under my name tag. if anyone congratulated me on my "achievement" i would politely explain that it was a joke and that the actual EOTM was whomever it happened to be at that time. everyone would laugh and i would carry on with my work. perhaps my sassiness is why i no longer work there. this group i've now joined seem to be able to take a bit of sass and dish out some of their own. thank god. it's just a job, not life or death. they are just books. in the end all will be ok, so just work hard and enjoy it, eh?

but i guess that is the most important part of having a job. to enjoy. i don't work in offices because, i am too much of a free spirit. i get bored and then i get feisty, then i get fired. i have worked so many places (one of the many drawbacks of working in theatre professionally -- you have to supplement your income somehow.) but i find that doing a job where i get to assist people in some way, i like to think that i excel (or at least am kinda good). i enjoy the environment of being surrounded by books. i may not be much of a writer but i can absorb the power of the written word from the great minds that have gone before and paved the way for the next tolkin, Shakespeare, rowling and dickens. the next great name in literature may frequent my store and just maybe i will be the one that leads them to the book that fuels the flames of their literary career. the next Pulitzer prize winning author may be standing on the other side of the counter from me. watch it be trailer park gollum. *skeevy*

high diddle lee dee, an actors life for me

2008-12-03T04:29:00.000-08:00

so. i haven't posted anything in a long while and for that i am sorry. i'm doing a show and am neck deep in The Producers. i have loved the show ever since i first saw it and thankfully this show hasn't changed that. that will happen sometimes... you see a show and fall in love with it and then by happy circumstance, you are able to work on that same show. something unpleasant happens during the run and now the show is ruined for you forever. happens all the time.

i have been unusually casualty free during the run (knock on wood) so i have enjoyed it pretty well. the last show i did, i fell down a flight of stairs. i was bruised but generally ok. the show before that, i got sick and had to be mic'ed and still couldn't be heard. i've fallen off stages, walked into sets, been run over by set pieces. i'm clumsy. what can i say.

ok so here is the deal. i have to get something off my chest right now. but it is a long and sad tale of deceit and treachery within the world of theatre. hold on to your butts, cause here we go.

several years ago, i was hired by a great director to stage manage his new play which he was taking to a competition (which we won best drama, btw). the theatre that was hosting our rehearsals was also premiering the new play prior to the competition, so i spent a lot of time there. apparently, all the hard work that i was putting in for this show had not gone unnoticed by the TD of the theatre, who it so happens needed a SM for his production of West Side Story. i love that show so when he asked if i was interested, i jumped at the chance. that and you never know when you next gig will come along so best to take it when you can. i did the run with the new play, went to competition, came home and started working on west side. when i went into the artistic dir office to sign the paper work and contracts and what have you, i let them know that if they like the work that i do, i would be willing to set up as the house stage manager. you know, stage manage most of the shows and the ones that i couldn't, coordinate the finding and training of stage managers. i would be on staff. they seemed up for my suggestion and told me that they while they couldn't hire me on staff at that time, the budget meeting would be soon and it would be discussed then. until that time, would i consider "volunteering" with other shows to make sure that i fit in with the other staff and the theatre as a whole. that sounded fine to me as i was volunteering to do spot op and shit like that, not stage manage.

West Side Story was a hit and i felt really good about the production as a whole. after it closed, i upheld my part of the bargain by running spots, set painting during the day and generally being available for what needed to be done. then i met The Bob's.

The Bob's are a local theatre couple that are both named bob and direct, choreograph and support the local theatres. everyone around this damn town acts like the bob's opinion is the be all and end all of theatre as a whole. i had never heard of them before moving here. anyway, the bob's were tag teaming Zorba. one bob was directing the other was stage manager. i was asked to be the assistant SM/deck crew chief (the DCC is in charge of the stage crew and makes sure that everything on the stage is taken care of). i was told that i didn't really need to come to rehearsals until they moved on stage (meaning that the rehearsals took place in a rehearsal room and i wasn't needed until there was set and stuff to worry about) no prob, just let me know when you want me. i was in and out of rehearsals all the time, making sure i was aware of the show. once the cast started rehearsing on stage, i brought my notebook and really got down to business. i had cues written as a back up, set changes choreographed and various lists of rails and props and other whatnots that are needed to be recorded for big shows like zorba. i am a great assistant.

one thing you should know about the bob's is... they will call a rehearsal for certain times and if they don't finish what they had planned for rehearsal, they will keep going. that sounds great doesn't it. well, when you want to run act one and you aren't past the 4th scene and it's already 10:30 at night and you have kids in the cast and the cast as a whole is volunteer and were told that rehearsal would end at 10 and the director is yelling for the next scene and most of the cast has left of their own accord because they have work in the morning... well as you can imagine, it's not fun. that sort of thing happened all the time, i was running late for my PAYING job because of my VOLUNTEERING at the theatre. i told the bob's that i had to leave. rehearsal should have ended an hour and a half before and i had to go to my job. well they threw the biggest hissy fit ever and then said i could go. i'm all for the show must go on and crap, but i have to pay my bills and stuff.

shit like that went on the whole time we rehearsed. then the day before the show, i get a call on my cell from one of the bob's (some people call him bad bob) he informs me that since i can't seem to get along with the cast (that was news to me, since about half the cast was people with whom i had worked many times and with whom i enjoyed doing shows) that they were going to let me go as the assistant SM. and would i bring my prompt book to the theatre that afternoon so the new stage manager could take over. who did they get to replace me? some guy that had been hanging around the theatre for the last week. i thought that he was a family member of one of the cast members but no... he was there to watch me so that he could usurp my position. ass. i tried to say that they technically couldn't fire me as i was unpaid. but bob just said that they didn't want me there. so with a heavy heart, i took my prompt book to the theatre and left it at my station. i picked up my personal items and left.

come to find out after all was said and done... that pretty boy that took over my show was hired as a house SM. the artistic dir basically used me for free labor with a staff job as a carrot. after all was said and done, i tried to be as professional and kind to the bob's. i figured that they were just caught in the middle of the drama and couldn't be faulted. besides everyone around here thinks that they are really important so, might as well stay on their good side.

i have now learned that the bob's have been telling people that i quit the show and left them in the lurch. that is fucking bullshit. and anyone who knows me, knows that i have never done such a thing because it isn't in my nature to do so. the time for caring and placating those assholes is over. as much as i want to be petty and make all sorts of comment about them, i won't but know this. the bob's can lick my lizard.

(and that goes for jason brener, too. i don't like him in any way. not romantically, not friendly, not professionally. and he better stop telling people that i have romantic interests in him or i will gleefully kick his ass. and i mean that literally. i will do him physical harm if he doesn't shut his howling screamer.)

i just had to get all that off my chest and now i fell better.

we're not ganna pay rent!

2008-10-29T07:02:00.000-07:00

(30 year old me again. this post is mostly about me seeing rent. so if you haven't seen it: 1. where have you been? under a rock?!? 2. spoiler alert.)

Sept 6, 1998 @ 9:40

angel was backlit during his solo in "contact" and you could see his "little friend" in silhouette. roger was getting read to do his musetta's waltz in "la vie boheme" and accidental strummed during mimi and benny's confrontation. Collins was so fun loving and playful. you could tell who was an american and who wasn't. the chorus took their solos a lot slower. it was actually kinda cute. i think out of all the times i've seen this show, this was my favorite. adam and anthony were the best mark and roger (well, they were the originals. god, my 19 year old self is dumb) but i did like the interaction between mark and joanne from the us national tour better. wilson jermaine heredia was the best angel although the nyc angel was good too. the nyc joanne was the best and tour collins was very good. but i just love the angel/ collins relationship. you could really see the chemistry between them. the nyc maureen was better but the london girl was good. nyc homeless were better but london's alexi darling was so funny!

friday night, on the tube, some guy tried to ask me out on a date. he looked like a sane version of john malkovitch (i totally do not remember this incident). now to hampton court. it seems to me that a lot of pavement is wasted because they drive on the other side of the road. (what the hell does that mean?)

Sept 6 @ 2:54 (how do you like these exact times, eh?)
hampton court gardens are very pretty. there were some canadian geese and ducks and swans. there were carriage rides and one carriage was being pulled by what looked like Frisian horses (the horse from Ladyhawk. i love that movie and i love that breed of horse). one of the swans attacked my shoe and i feed the geese by hand (i go half way around the world to the court of king henry the 8th and all i can talk about is feeding the ducks. bless) the gardens were very romantic; made you want to be in a couple. i got lost in the maze (there is a maze made of shrubbery. it was so fun). i went through it with dori and mel and some other harlaxton students. all of us got confused (big surprise there) but dori made it out first. so the rest of us played marco polo to find our way out. kevin would have liked the maze. wish he were here.

for the love...

2008-10-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

there is a phenomenon that has been present in theatre ever since the first production, though i don't have any proof. this quite common occurrence is what as know as the inevitable Theatre Crush. everyone has experienced it at some time or another and casts from now until the last curtain falls on the final show will have lingering effects of it.

it goes without saying that when you throw a group of people into a confined space under stressful circumstances, a variety of relationships will emerge. most are quite harmless and innocent. i, personally, tend to look after the younger members of my casts and end up becoming a older sister figure to some of them. there are strong bonds of friendship that are formed with dressing roommates as you prepare for the night's performance. these people with whom you share the stage, have to have your trust and have earned yours as well. you have laughed at each other, cried together in stress and loss, nursed your wounds and celebrated the triumph of another opening night. it stands to reason that your cast is emotionally linked to you and you to them. unfortunately, as is with most casts, after the final performance your friendships slowly fades. you never mean for it to happen but it always does. then you are cast in a new show and new bonds twine themselves around your heart. sometimes, if you are lucky, your former castmates will join you in the new show but it is never the same as it was before. each show is unique, like catching lightening in a bottle, and for that reason the relationships formed are precious.

now. that is all very well and good and platonic but what of the little theatre romances that crop up in every show. we are all guilty of having a little crush here or there. perhaps it starts as admiration. "man, she has such a beautiful singing voice" or "oh, he speaks shakespeare so eloquently." then that admiration morphs into a crush of sorts.

my first theatre crush was on a young man named, steven phillips. he and i did several shows together growing up. his whole family, sans father, did shows at the local community theatre. what a hot mess that family was. the father was a preacher at a local church and the mother was a slut who wore her 13 year old daughter's clothes. her actions forced the church people to ask the preacher to resign because she was such an embarrassment. the 13 year old daughter was a sweet girl but rather vapid. the youngest son was concentrated evil and then there was steven. cute, as far as i was concerned, charming and mischievous, steven was big ol' fish in tiny ass pond. we were rehearsing Carnival and i started to develop a little crush on him. one of our rehearsals fell on valentine's day and when i arrived at the theatre, steven handed me a box of candy, a bouquet of flowers and a teddy bear. then he proceeded to tell me that he had a crush on one of the chorus girls, a pretty girl but one of the biggest idiots i have ever met, and would i give her the gifts because he was too shy to give them to her himself. sure. no problem. would you also like my heart roasted on a spit while you're at it? so needless to say, i learned early on not to hang too much hope on a theatre crush.

the best example i have of theatre crushes on awry is from my days in college theatre. but as i don't have permission from one of the main players to tell the story of The Great Backstage Relationship Explosion and i do not wish to embarrass said person, you'll just have to ask me individually. i am more than willing to tell you because i love telling this story.

so for all those in theatre, the men and women kicking their own asses to produce the best damn show you've ever seen, i raise my glass. find comfort where you may, cherish those with whom you work and if you are lucky to have your theatre crush returned-- enjoy stolen kisses, for those are the sweetest.

happy anniversary

2008-10-27T04:50:00.000-07:00

today is my first anniversary. i was surprised with breakfast in bed by my husband. i plan to surprise him with a clean house when he gets off work. moments like anniversaries tend to make one stop and reflect and dream about the possibilities of the future.

the three years that Himself and i have been together have been so rewarding and blessed. though we don't have a perfect financial portfolio (hell, we don't have a portfolio at all, just a savings account) we have a nice apartment, wonderful pets and loving families that encourage and support us. some say that the 1st year is the hardest. i don't know if this is true but i'm certainly looking forward to what life has in store for us. god willing, we will move to Texas in the spring and start the next phase of our family -- kids. yeah, that aught to be interesting. the children of a nude model/actress and a magician/massage therapist... our kids are gonna be little freaks. but cultured freaks.

i am watching The Slipper and the Rose (#1 of my romance movies) and i was just thinking that relationships are so weird. one incident, usually insignificant, can make or break a relationship. a well placed word can make the girl say yes to a date. one misplaced word can get you a slap on the face and you never see her again. and what of those chance meetings. the held gaze of a stranger while in line at the bank or the slight electrifying touch when passing a pen to the person next to you on the train. is it fate or destiny or the hand of God that orchestrates this dance of love that we all are called to participate. why are some of the worst dancers always with partners when the best dancer on in the ballroom is left standing as a wallflower. i don't understand it anymore than the next person but i am finally content with the hand i was dealt. granted... life is not all peaches and cream. it never will be but it is the moments of perfection that make the journey worth the stumbles.

London Calling

2008-10-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

(i was going to do a new post today but i believe that i will save it for tomorrow, since tomorrow is my one year anniversary. so with your indulgence we will pick up the story of 19 year old tat2kitten as she goes on about london and kevin and other whatnots.)

Sept 5 @ 11:16 pm
i am soaking in the bathtub (quite literally. i do all my best thinking in the bathtub and will go out of my way to make a small haven for myself in the bathroom. i will usually have a nice long soak amongst mountains of bubbles and accompanied by my book de joure {hey jess, de jouer means bubble baths}, my beverage of choice, my phone and my ipod. these sessions of lolling in the tub will take no less than an hour and a half) after a wonderful day. only if adam pascal had asked me to be his wife, could this day have been any better. this morning, the weather was dreary (dreary weather in london? you don't say) it rained on and off for a good part of the day. thankfully, i brought my coat (which was shellacked with scotch guard) i wore my sandals and black pants with my white tank under my black sweater with the red and white stripe. (cute sweater. got it on sale) the HSU (my college in tx) gang went to Westminster Abby. i saw the tomb of edward the longshanks, edward the black prince and mary, queen of scots. if memory serves -- weren't they some of the cruelest rulers of englands bloody history? but i also saw queen elizabeth I's tomb and alfred lord Tennyson, and memorials to t.s. elliot and my personal favorite, William Shakespeare. i got a bit teary at Shakespeare's memorial. just before we left, there was a short moment of silence for princess diana. (it was the 1st anniversary of her death) melanie and i lit a candle memory of our family members -- her grandmother and my grandfather. it was hard to take in all of what was there to be seen. the majesty of the holy ground was overwhelming. then we acted like tourist and took pictures of everything. we ate a delightful little cafe. i had brunch with scrambled eggs on toast, bacon and mushrooms. larry bought us all a big chocolate chip cookie. then off to rent at the shaftsburry theatre. i was worried about finding it but we turned the corner and there it was. my heart literally stopped. we picked up our tickets at will call and i bought an autographed photograph of adam pascal, another for melissa (my buddy from school; the same semester that i was at harlaxton, she did a year at cambridge), a program (you have to buy the programs at the west end), a poster and during the intermission i ended up buying the cast recording (mine was stepped on a couple of months before). the lobby had some postcards with cast photos for free so i swiped about half. we were early so we went to a bar around the corner and had drinks -- soda's and coffee. we headed back and took our seats. we sat around as the band took their places and warmed up. then adam (le sigh) walked out and i lost it. of course i have NO voice (i must have been sick or something) so all i could do was clap. then anthony came out and i lost it again. it's still hard for me to believe that i watched rent with adam, anthony, jessie and wilson! 4 original cast members were in it and they were wonderful (duh!) i spent the entire 2nd act crying (it's nice to know that somethings in life don't change. i saw rent again last spring and spent the entire 2nd act crying) i loved it but that is an understatement. after the show, i waited by the stage door (a favorite little game of mine) and waited as usual. angel came out first and i told him about how much Rent means to me. i cried as i told him how Jonathan Larson's death and my grandfather's death paralleled each other. wilson just held me; it made me feel better. then anthony came out and i told him also. he gave me a hug and agreed with me about the power of rent because his mother died last year. i felt so bad for him. we talked briefly. i should have asked them out for drinks. anthony signed my program. dr ivey (the head of the theatre dept for hardin-simmons at the time. his sister is judith ivey, the actress. he apparently went to school with gary sinise and john malkovitch. he hates them. it's fabulous) and emily met me at the theatre and i went with them to the globe theatre. wow once again! it was neat because we took the same route that my mom and i took to get to the globe 2 summers prior. we ate there at the theatre and then the show began. mark rylance, first seen by me in Henry V, was one of the lead characters. it was great. shakespeare's language set in the 1960's. i loved it, but not as much as rent. i was excited to see mark rylance perform again. there is something in the way in which he delivers his lines that makes me feel like putty. he could easily seduce me and i would follow like a trained poodle (doth mine ears deceive me -- what of the noble kevin?) i caught his eye one or two times. during rent, i know that the saw me (and probably heard me weeping like i had been stabbed). i love the theatre. i can only hope that i will be as good as the actors who i've seen today (pretty tall order). dori and mel have come home. both are LIT. esp. dori. whoa -- she's bombed. i guess i'll have to be the mom now. (i got out of the tub while back, just so you know) i got mel cleaned up and in bed. dori is uncooperative. i don't want to be drunk this whole semester. only on my birthday. i just can't believe it... i saw adam pascal and anthony rapp! i met anthony and wilson! i will never forget that. i'm a little overstimulated still, there are so many memories that i have made and so many more that are waiting for me. now i can only dream -- and wait for dori to sober up and get up off my floor.

Let's Dance

2008-10-25T04:29:00.000-07:00

more from the vaults...

August 30th 1998 @12:48 am
i feel very lonely right now. my roommate, Leah, is a very sweet girl and had all her friends in the room when i came in. they were looking at bridal magazines. Leah is engaged and i think that that is great. today i was talking with mel (some girl from my school that went to england too. bit of a digbat... but very sweet) and i confided in her my feelings of how lonely i feel during my cycle. she agree and it was good to hear that i'm not the only one that feels that way but it doesn't take away my loneliness. i feel as though i have a void in my core. like a donut with a soul. it would be great if i could find a... well, whatever i need to fill it (heh heh. she said fill it) maybe i just need some sleep.

August 31st 1998 at 11:53
(this whole entry was a letter that kevin fellow. let me surmise. i am a smitten girl that wants to say all the right things to her christian singer simi-boyfriend. if you want all the gooey details, let me know and i'll email it to you. but just so you know, it's all just a bunch of mooning about by a girl that just needs to... well... get laid)

Sept 1 '98 @ 7:40 am
I awoke this morning feeling just fine. it's raining out (welcome to england, toots). it's a calming sound -- the rain. today will be a good day.

Sept 1 @ 4:18 pm
i'm feeling very Broadway, today.

Sept 4 @12:40 am
tomorrow i leave for London. this is so exciting. today we had a ceilidh, pronounced kay-lee. it was the most fun i have ever had! we did all sorts of scotch/irish dances, line dances, group dances and some couple dances. there was one that was like musical chairs on it was with dance partners. there were four couples and one person in the middle. all the couples danced around the person in the middle. then that person joined in and when the music stopped the person left without a partner had to dance in the middle of the group. there was a dance called the boston tea party. there was a fast waltz. i had a blast. there was so much drinking and dancing and laughing. i did a jig and the band said i was a good dancer (they must have been drunk)

Sept 4 @ 9:18 am
well, we are underway to london. i'll get to see Rent tomorrow! YEAH!!! ya know, what i liked best about the ceilidh was that everyone was dancing with everyone else. even the guys were dancing. i had so much fun. leah said that she wants to have a ceilidh at her wedding and i'm gonna have to agree with her. wow. not much will beat the fun we all had last night -- except for rent. i hope i don't see the understudies perform.

Sept 4 @ 5:39 pm
London is a bursting, busy city full of interesting bawdy people ("it's an island. just an island. full of people. i want to meet some guys, some italian guys. maybe watch some t.v." thank you parker posey) i got irritated today with larry (major jerk from my school) dorie (a sheep girl if i've ever met one, would do whatever she thought the cool kids were doing including getting a tattoo cause i did and a navel piercing cause mel did) and jason (big stupid jock), well not so much jason but larry is always picking on me and today he just got too annoying. dorie is all moody. none of us have been sleeping enough and i know that has a lot to do with it. and i know that i was not the most pleasant to be around either, lately. it's just that i have such a passion for theatre and a lot of people just don't understand and can't appreciate it the way i do. i'm pretty complacent for the most part but i will NOT let this trip end up like the last time i came to london. (i went with my mom, poppy and aunt patti. no one could agree on what to do and i spent most of the time annoyed with the lot of them) i have a feeling that the others would rather not have me around and that's fine with me. i'll go on My own :S and do what i want! i'll go see RENT. adam pascal will ask me to marry him (bless) and we'll have a short ceremony. i'll go to see "the honest whore" at the globe. besides, why should dampen their parade. i know that i annoy all of them except Mel (cause she's a nice person, the others are just bastard people). maybe i will just go out on my own. i don't need anyone's help. i'll do what i want!

Sept 4 @ 11:47 pm
Les Miz! wow. this afternoon i bought a ticket for it and for 15 pounds i got limited view on the 2nd row. i could see the make-up, mics and wig lines. one of the actors waved at me and let me just tell you... the lights were making me hot and the fog from the smoke machine cooled me off. (any closer and they would have had to slap a flag in my hand and send my onstage too) the music was so good. the scene where javert jumped from the bridge was awesome. the lighting was great. it looked like water. after the show, the group from hardin-simmons went to a pub across the circus. i had a two dogs. there was a group of guys sitting at a table and the blond cute one was eyeing me. no doubt why... i was wearing my hottie momma outfit (short skirt, knee high boots, tight sweater) this country, this city is so magical. this is the city of kings and queens and knights. peter pan, shakespeare, paddington bear. i want to see and do so much! i really want to see Rent. Tomorrow is it baby!!!! TOMORROW I SEE RENT! TOMORROW I SEE RENT! (single track mind. love that rent)

isn't it romantic

2008-10-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

so. not long ago i realized that i have a completely unrealistic idea of romance. i was brought up with movie musicals and romantic comedies and now as an adult, the love being played at is what i have come to expect in my own life. of course i also expect random acts of dance to explode around me and that my life should have it's own soundtrack but for some reason these unrealities don't bother me. it's the lack of heart wrenching passion that bothers me.

please don't get me wrong... i have a very loving husband. he lets me just sit around the house doing my yarn projects and never asks me to lift a finger to help clean. he always compliments my cooking. he lets me sleep late on days which i don't have an 8:30 class to pose for. he doesn't yell at me. he puts on my favorite movie (the king and i) when i am sick and does magic tricks for me to cheer me up when i am gloomy.

i guess i just long for the complete fantastical when it comes to romance. and keep in mind, romance and love are not the same thing. love is sticking by someones side throughout the hardships. romance is leaving a dozen roses for your spouse for no other reason than just to see them smile. love is wiping puke off your spouse's face when they have the stomach flu. romance is whisking your spouse off to epcot center for dinner at the same restaurant that you ate dinner at on the night of your wedding. love is putting up with a spouse's smelly farts. romance is poetry and love letters.

see the difference? i have all the love. it's the romance that i long for. mike's family aren't really big gift givers, whereas my family are huge gift givers. i mean we try to out give each other. and i think that this may have something to do with it. don't misunderstand, i don't necessarily want something bought for me. although, they weren't lying when they said that diamonds are a girl's best friend. but poetry and songs and cuddling on the couch... these are free. perhaps i am hyper-sensitive because i'm in the show and i'm not home much. but one thing is for sure... i am loved very much but not romanced often enough. i guess i'm just gonna have to school him! :)

TAT2KITTEN'S TOP TEN ROMANTIC MOVIES
10. Dracula: sure i am practically afraid of my own shadow, gary oldman as dracula is almost more than i can take. dracula's wife throws herself off the castle tower when she thinks that dracula is dead. he spends the rest of his undead life mourning her. then he hooks up with her reincarnated in wynona ryder (meh :S) other than ms. ryder and mr keanu reeves "stellar" acting this is a great macabre romance
9. 50 First Dates: adam sandler and drew barrymore star in this tear jerking comedy. she plays lucy who has a head injury that causes short term memory loss so everyday adam sandler has to make her fall in love with him. i cry, just about every time i watch this film. it is funny and sweet and i love it.
8. The Wedding Singer: yet another drew and adam film. this 1980's homage has a wedding singer and a waitress falling in love under the pretence of planning her wedding to a jerk. great soundtrack and adam writes a great song for drew. i don't cry but it makes me feel good to watch it.
7. Beauty and the Beast: i like this movie so much that i had the title song played at my wedding. beautiful, but smart girl sacrifices herself for her father's sake. trapped in a castle with the beast, the two slowly fall in love and her love is strong enough to break the beast's enchantment. the only animated film to be nominated for an oscar.
6. The Ghost and Mrs. Muir: rex harrison stars in this 1947 classic. mrs. muir is a widow and decides to rent a house by the sea. rex harrison plays the ghost of a sea captain which is haunting the house. they work together to write his memoirs in order for her to buy the home and their love grows. rex harrison as a salty sea captain... brills
5. Ladyhawk: the captain of the guards (Navarre) falls in love with the most beautiful girl in the city (isabol). she returns his love and all is well and right with the world. the evil priest also lusts for her and since he can't have her, he finds a witch to curse the lovers. Navarre is transformed into a wolf at night and isabol is transformed into a hawk by day. forever together, eternally apart. they must find a way to break the spell before they are cursed for their love forever.
4. Enchanted: Giselle comes from a fairy tale and is shoved into our reality. patrick dempsey helps her to find her true love and the two end up falling in love. the best scene is in the ballroom when patrick dempsey starts to sing to giselle. this is a wonderful homage to disney fairy tale movies. there are lots of little "disney" moments to look for.
3. Moonstruck: Cher at her finest and the best acting Nick Cage did before he started sucking. this is a really Italian movie. if you've ever wanted a window into the lives of the new york italian family. every part is funny and heart filled and there are some really good lines. "you're a wolf"
2. Princess Bride: "Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles..." "doesn't sound too bad. i'll try to stay awake." how could there be a list of romantic movies and this not be on it? westley is the greatest of romantic heros. "death can not stop true love. all it can do is delay it a little."
1. The Slipper and the Rose: i love love love this movie. the cinderella story kicked up a notch. richard chamberland as the prince (le sigh) and costumed in 17th century french nobility. it is beautiful, funny and all that love should be. remember what cinders was heard saying after the ball, "the right pair of shoes can changer your life."

there are so many films that i could have put on the list but i looked through my personal dvd stock and picked the films that i watch most. so sue me for wanting my life to be a little bit more like a rodgers and hammerstein musical. in times like these, isn't a little peice of fantastic deserved?

a man's house is his castle

2008-08-20T16:10:00.000-07:00

August 29 @ 11pm (Harlaxton)

my first full day in harlaxton. it wasn't half bad. breakfast was ok but i think that they cook only the yokes of the eggs here. yesterday afternoon, melanie poucher and dore fomby and i went to the gardens. it was great, very peaceful and nice. there are five Hardin-simmons university students. me, mel, dore, jason king and larry lawson. last night they gave us a tour of the manor. i did not care!i was so freaking tired. today, i went to grantham with dore, mel and larry. i must not forget kevin (this guy again?). i know it will be hard because i am not used to this whole thing but i will try because he means to much to me to loose. i wish he were here. i think he would have had a good time and i know he would have LOVED the gardens. i picked a thistle for him. it's pressing right now. it's not that i'm looking for someone - i'm so used to having male friends and the only friends i have right now are girls. not that that's bad. it's just weird, i guess. everyone i've met is nice i guess, but everybody is nice when you first meet them one the first day of orientation. we spent the morning in grantham. saturday market was there so there were lots of shops and vendors selling things. i found dr pepper so i'll be just fine. i won't sell out kevin!!! this thought is crashing through my mind. i only ever know two guys and they are both from my school. i won't sell out kevin! he deserves better than that. hell, he deserves better than me. his picture is sitting on my nightstand.i just caught a glance of it. i love the smile (ok blah blah blah.... i liked this guy and he was really great... blah blah blah... let's just skip to the good stuff. if i go one about that guy again i'll just surmise or leave it out all together)

well. at the market, i bought at bucket for my bath stuff, a towel, a face cloth and an elbow wrap which i thought was a knee wrap -- so i can't read. i also bought some paper and 2 dr peppers. i also bought my books and switched my class from philosophy (i shouldn't have done that!) to shakespeare. i had to buy 17 books in all, including the modern drama book i brought from home. some of the former hsu/harlaxton students left a couple of boxes of stuff. i ended up with a notebook, more paper, some travel books, some markers and a pillow.

(i go on about kevin for a while)

anyway, i explored on my own today and found a lot of stuff like different ways to get somewhere (i.e. servant and secret passages) dinner tonight was for us to eat with the president of the school. i wore my black pants and silver. everyone met in the great hall, shook the pres's hand, drank some wine and stood around looking at each other. then all of a sudden, from out of nowhere, this man playing bagpipes comes in and leads us to dinner. it was quite a spread! fruit cocktail and bread... then the main course of chicken cordon bleu, potato and broc. followed by tea and pastry. white wine and water was served to drink. at 8:30, a bunch of us went down to the pub in front of the manor. Greg's. i had a pims and lemonade and a two dogs. it's an Australian lemon brew. i also had sips from other peoples drinks like stout and a snake bite. i liked the snake bite! i'm not drunk (yeah right), a little sleepy perhaps but fine otherwise. i think i may get kinda lovey if i were to actually get drunk but since that hasn't happened yet - i wouldn't know. (more yap about that kevin) someone just drove up in a taxi but i can't tell who. i know a lot of, well about half of the group went pub hopping in grantham. you know... half of the shakespeare books i bought, i all ready have. at home! well, that's life. ironic- don't ya think. well i'm going to shower now. it is now midnight!

emo girl rides again

2008-08-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

ready for another instalment of tat2kitten's journeys abroad? well... here we go!

August 27 '98 @1:24 (uk time)

i'm listening to "leaving on a jet plane" on my cd. Guess who i'm thinking about? i guess i really haven't stopped thinking of kevin since we said our farewells. sunday. that was truly the hardest good-bye i had to say. i'm just so tired of hurting. kevin says"absence makes the heart grow fonder" i say "or forgetful". i don't want to forget him. he's too charming, romantic, funny beautiful, happy, godly, impish, caring, loving, smart (jeeze kid, get on with it) smart, talented, amusing, silly, bubbaish, comforting and trying.

god--

thank you for giving me such safe travel thus far. the lightening outside the plane is pretty. scary but pretty. thank you for letting it not hit the plane. thank you for kevin. he has added much to my life. Lord, i just pray for his future wife (i don't think that he is married... i looked him up on myspace and it looks like he is single). lord, please let her love him unconditionally and take care of all of his needs. please allow her to grow close to you and be able to be the spiritual woman that you would like her to be as you child and kevin's wife. lord, i also pray for and life up my husband. (that would be Himself the magician) Lord, please love him and hold him in your arms. let him be the spiritual man that i need as i walk in your will. lord, please give me the wisdom to know what that is exactly. lord, i just pray that he loves me and makes me feel safe. god, please be with kevin as he travels with his band. bless his words, voice and songs and lease give him a hug for me. thanks. i love you god. you are too awesome for words. greater than any other thing, person or power. i love you.

August 28 @ 2:22 (central standard)

we got off the plane, went through customs and met the group without a hitch. i went outside and saw my breath. we think that it's about 65 degrees. ha ha!

i'm leaving on a jet plane

2008-08-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

so. i realized that have been very diligent in my writing and that i should be more kind to my faithful readers (if there are any). but honestly, there hasn't been too much that i have been passionately moved to write about. since school has been at summer session, i've kinda been stuck at home sitting on my ass, watching the travel channel. due to lack of inspiration, i've decided to type up old journal entries from my first trip to england for school. so hope you enjoy the ravings of a 20 year old college kid with the occasional side note from the blogger.

August 27th 1998 at 11:40

this is it. for the next four months, i will be living in a castle in england. the magnitude of that statement has not sunk in. yet. i'm now air born, listening to the Armageddon soundtrack. aerosmith's "don't wanna miss a thing" is the first song. why did i put that cd in? my eyes are glistening. kevin (kevin was this guy that i was kinda dating at the time. i thought that it was more serious than he did and we casually dated into 1999 but it ended as most relationships do). but, it's only a few months and it's not like i would see him anyway (kevin was in a music group that toured the country singing christian music). i'm not sad, actually i'm excited and ready. after all that has happened this summer (i lived in dallas on the weekends) a semester in another country will be very welcome. the hardest part of getting prepared to to leave was saying goodbye to the people that i love and care about. and family always make things out to be a bigger deal than it is anyway. but this is a big deal! no one else in my family has ever lived overseas. most of my family hasn't even been out of texas

i think that i should have a purpose for this journal. i will be writing in this "hopefully" daily to tell the day's adventure. i will also be using it as a spiritual journal because i've been to long away from god and i must come home. so i plan to write prayers, prayer requests and anything else of that nature (i did make an honest attempt at being religious but it was college and there were too many mornings that i woke up with a hangover.) this book will also serve as a place to store my thoughts as i experience all that i will experience (look out. i'm a totally good writer. not) poetry, snide thoughts drawings, letters i don't intend to send... will all be held within the confines of these covers (until 10 years from now, everything is written online on my blog)

right now i'm hoping that they bring on the grub. i'm awfully tired also. i haven't really just sat and reflected on what has, is and will happen. i love my family and hope that they know that. i hope that my dad is happy (he told me that he was getting divorced that summer). i know that he isn't; no matter how hard he tries to hide it (in hindsight i thing that he was just worried about me and how his divorce would affect me, bless) mama said that he might get married while i am away (my mom the comedian) and i defiantly have some mixed feelings about that. he's an adult so he has to lead his own life so whatever makes him happy...

i will miss kevin (yeah, i moon over this guy a bit) but i'm already accustomed neither seeing nor hearing from him for long periods of time. it's not something i'm necessarily fond of but comfortably ok with. i think he and i both understand the demands of work and school. even if work for hims is traveling and singing. as for how i feel about him. i love him (god bless youth) i gave a hard time about having to drive 2 1/2 hours to see him but i'd have driven 4 times as far to get to see him again before i left. the only think i can do is to pray. if god wans me to love kevin for the rest of my life (god didn't), than i know that that will be His gift. but if god has decided that my life will be perfect with someone else (that is more along the lines of what the plans were), than i will cherish the time that kevin and i have shared and be most happy in god's will. when i think about the latter, i get teary because i want to love only kevin (jeeze, i must have been pms-y) but god's plan is perfect and he will give me all that i need. i just hope that i'm not chasing an empty dream that will only lead to heartbreak. i also hope that i've grownd enough that i've grown enough that the shallowness of heart has deepened and that i wound forget the wonderful man god has placed in my life (nothing like a little foreshadowing right here at the start)

so as much as i moon on about kevin and wax on about god, i was really truly excited to be moving to england. and believe me... the journal gets a lot better the longer i'm there. there's boy kissing, drinking games, clowns, shakespeare, theatre, naked miles and much much more. so stay tuned!

last comic standing

2008-07-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

i admit that i am a huge fan of comic book heroes. i will also admit that i have cultivated my appreciation as a young adult; to say that i collected comics as a kid would be a lie. i lived vicariously through the friends that i had that did collect the weekly comics and followed my favorite heroes in that way. though now, i have a couple of graphic novels and used to read them on my lunch break when i worked for a bookstore. i watched the comic book hero cartoons after school and now i wait with baited breath for the new hero films to be released.

something that i have noticed is that there is a fanatical passion with which a comic fan will defend his hero of choice. i, for instance, LOVE batman. he is the penultimate hero and, for my money, the best superhero that has ever been inked. Himself, on the other hand, is a staunch spiderman fan. he says that spiderman has the coolest powers, to shoot webs and climb stuff. that would be very desirable for him. we have very heated, playful arguments as to who is the better hero. and the same goes for most comic fans. superman fans say that batman is just a rich guy with a bunch of toys, while the batman fans say that superman is just an alien. each person is right and everyone is wrong.

but why are comics so popular? why do grown people become so fiercely devoted to a fictional person? i think that our current love of supers falls in line with the ancients worship of the gods. just think of mount olympus as the justice league. zeus as superman, athena as wonder woman, apollo as the green lantern. i mean, it kinda fits. and i have noticed that during political unrest (this is a highly politicial year), superheros take a popularity upswing. it is far too easy to lose oneself in the world of the heroes. knowing full well that batman will not swoop through the dog park or the save-a-lot to sweep me away, does not dissuade the fact that i secretly hope for it. (especially if it is either the christian bale or micheal keaton batman, grrrr) and it is that hope that helps the public face the cruel unknown, even if it is all on the subconscious level. just as the gods served the purpose of explaining what the world could not explain, the heroes of the comics serve to shine as beacons of truth in the unstable times.

but where would the heroes be without their archenemies? without the villains, the heroes would just be weirdos in funny costumes and tights. without the bad guys, you wouldn't have a story. the villain puts the hero's world in perspective. it's the age old question: how will you know "the good" if you never experience "the bad"? like the knights of old, the hero needs a quest. they need to vanquish the foe. spiderman must battle the green goblin. batman must battle the joker. daredevil must battle bullseye. good vs evil. God vs the devil. and this primal battle of wills is what draws us in. let's look at The Joker. he is maniacal and psychotic. his impulse is what drives him and his total disregard for the social standards entices the readers. everyone has had at least one "evil" thought. wanting to punch your boss in the face or wanting to poke your co-worker in the eye. you would never act on these thoughts, but the joker would. completely surrendering to instant gratification and impulse is an intoxicating thought and many readers let the villains act through their own evil thoughts. supervillains have just as many fans as the superheros and i think it is because you never know where their power blood lust will take you.

and on the same thought, what of the super vixens? the women that pepper the comic books are strong, beautiful anti-heroes and are what the geeks wet dreams are made of. me, personally, i want to be catwoman. sometimes she's good, most of the time, she's bad but all the time, she's totally hot. with her lithe movements, heaving bosom and seductive nature she is no match for batman or any other man that crosses her path. the vixen is the crossroad of good and evil. she gleefully dances across the line between the hero and villain. both desirable and unattainable... she is the woman that i have always wanted to be.

now, with Hollywood's lack of originality, every summer brings a new batch of comic hero films. what is funny for those who follow graphic novels, there are films made of even the most obscure comics. johnny depp was in From Hell, a comic about jack the ripper. Wanted with angelina jolie is from a graphic novel. Hellboy is infinitely more popular now that he is a movie star and the list could go on and on. speaking of lists... it's time for tat2kittens top ten super hero list.

10. the mystery men. this group of heroes are everyday blue collar workers that have become local vigilantes. you have the shoveler who shovels well, the blue rajah -- master of silverware. mr furious -- with untameable rage, invisible boy -- who can only be invisible when no one is looking, the spleen -- with his farts of power, the bowler -- the lady bowler who's father's skull is preserved inside her bowling ball and sphinx -- who can bend guns in half with his mind. they are a bit dorky but they have hearts of steel

9. the league of extraordinary gentlemen this group of heroes are made of the anti-heroes of literature. allan quartermain from king soloman's mines, mina harker from dracula, the invisible man, cpt nemo from 20,000 leagues under the sea and dr Jekyll and mr hyde.

8. the tick he is a bit of a dunder head but he has incredible strength and very tolerant sidekick, arthur the moth.

7. the hulk he's greatest strength is his greatest weakness. don't make him angry. you won't like him if he's angry.

6. wonder woman yeah for girl power, she has the lasso of truth, helpful i guess, and that invisible plane. but she can kick butt better than most.

5. superman he's an alien. i bet that on his home planet he is just a regular joe.

4. spiderman he's a kid that got bit by a spider. and that is his greatest asset... he has a tragic flaw. a kid that now has superpowers and the desire to do good.

3. the x-men the next level of human evolution. i particularly love wolverine! theirs is a battle of race. in the x-men world there are those who would make the mutants the supreme beings, those who would kill the mutants for being different and those who would keep the balance between the two sides. i like the social parallels of this comic.

2. daredevil he's a blind guy who's other senses have gained super hyper-sensitivity. he fights using a sort of echo location. i think that he is uuber cool.

1. batman another man with a tragic flaw. he was orphaned and now wants to take justice into his own hands. he is also mortally afraid of that which he has become. his fear of bats, translates into the fear he strikes into the villains. he fights for those who can't fight for themselves and give a voice to those who are afraid to speak. he is a dark knight that rides through the night, battling the powerful that prey on the weak. he is a true superhero that puts the needs of others before his own and nightly places his life on the line for the city that needs him.

oh oh oh it's magic

2008-06-20T10:10:00.001-07:00

two nights ago i realized the full extent of my new role as a widow. (don't worry. Himself is very much alive and well...for now *insert evil laugh here*) no, i mean that i am a widow to magic. yes, ladies and gentlemen... Himself is a magician. and no, he doesn't look like david bowie from labyrinth. although, if he did... holy crap... he would never see the light of day 'cause i would have him strapped down as my love slave for the rest of his natural life. anyway, i digress. widow to magic.

Himself and i have added another cat to our growing menagerie. (i can hear you... "another animal!" yes, he's a little black cat and he's named after famed mentalist, max maven. maven is a little stinker and we are very happy to have him in the family) so, Himself is in the magic room (yes, the spare room is now "the magic room") while i was in the living room crocheting some props for Himself's act (i know, right). maven is skulking around, peapie is generally pissed at everyone because maven is there, rusty is going completely ape shit because of maven and pearl is indifferent to everything else going on (i love pearl). anyway maven is on my lap when pearl decides to make her introductions. maven wasn't so interested in meeting the huge greyhound and decided to claw his way up my torso. i'm screaming in both anger and pain, rusty is (again) going ape shit, peapie is hissing, pearl is freaked out and maven is completely beside himself. now bear in mind that i have been policing the animals all day and, now, all night and haven't had a break from rusty's incessant, high-pitched barking since maven set his paw on the floor. so, Himself saunters in, in a sort of dazed sort of way, as if he just awoke from sleep or just landed back on earth from magic land. "what's going on?", he asked somewhat baffled. seeing me bleeding and tear stained brought him back to reality and everything was quickly sorted out.

now, please don't get me wrong... Himself is a very attentive husband and rarely makes me feel like a widow to magic, but at the end of the day, i am and that all there is to it. but to be totally fair, he becomes a theatre widower whenever i am in a show so there it is. every night, he holes himself up in either the spare room/magic room or the bedroom and watched magic videos - either how to videos or performance. tonight will be no different as he just got a dvd from a very talented magician, Rocco. his shtick is that he can produce amazing items out of apparently thin air. as much as i love to watch rocco's work, i don't like him personally. he's pretty chauvinistic, and sorry... i just can't get behind that. i love watching jeff mcbride, who does wonderful work with cards and masks. he must have studied mime or something cause he's amazing. i also love max maven; for heaven's sakes... i named my cat after him. teller of penn and teller is really awesome too. there are lots of great magicians out there and i am happy to say that Himself is one of them. he just isn't known yet. nor does he have the bank roll of copperfield but he is just as good as any of them. except maybe jeff mcbride; jeff's a master.

one of these day's, i'm going to join the act and be his lovely assistant. i have always wanted to be a magician's assistant. when i was a kid, they always had those magic specials on the tv and i thought that it would be uuber cool to be metamorphed into a tiger or something. there were always really pretty women in skimpy costumes with fans blowing their hair and swirling fog around them. how could you not want to be one of those girls? i never really wanted to be a magician myself, someone else can handle all that, but to be the girl in sword box and to wear all those shiny costumes... that would be cool.

so, at the end of the day, i don't mind that Himself is sometimes more interested in the cards and the coins. he's happy and that makes me happy. and one day, when the act is big and i am wearing skimpy, shiny costumes and being turned into a tiger, then all his hard work and my somewhat lonely nights will have paid off. until then, i'll keep picking up the cards he's dropped and making sure his magic props are shiny and clean.

everybody's working for the weekend

2008-06-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

weekends are a time that most people look forward to. i am one of them. i know, i know... i'm home all the damn time so why would the weekend be any different. well, i'll tell you. it will sound dumb but it's cause Himself is here too. i know, i just threw up in my mouth a little, too. on the weekends, we usually have the time to do something for each other. this weekend was no exception. it started fairly normally for us. i walked the dogs and started the coffee and proceeded to finish some bunny slippers which i was working on (i finished them last night and they came out looking pretty cute, if i do say so myself). then, i took the dogs to the dog park where they seemed to really enjoy themselves. later that day though, Himself and i went to the beach (which we do every weekend since it's free and gets us out of the house). only this time we took a surfboard. see, my stupid upstairs neighbor (who asked me to watch his dogs for 5 days and was late getting home and never thanked nor paid me nor nothing) moved and left his surfboard so i took it.

you know when you get this idea in your head and it always plays out better in you head than it does in real life. yeah... that's me and surfing. i had it in my head that i would hop on that surfboard and be like some kind of prodigy. as you can see above... i'm not. it would have been the single most humiliating moment in my life, had i not been having so much fun. i was exceptionally terrible. first i couldn't get on the damn board. then once i did get on it, i kept slipping off it. then, once i finally found my balance a wave would sneak up on me and knock me over. i never did get the hang of it and i tried for most of the afternoon. Himself was no help either. all he did was photograph my sad attempts and periodically yell out, "look out! there's a shark coming!" all the while, he laughed like a hyena.

so. needless to say... my career as a professional surfer was over before it ever started. that night, i felt like i had been beaten up and i slept hard. sunday dawned and it was morning business as usual. i got up, walked the dogs and started the coffee. we were going to go to the park but i wasn't feeling like it. i still felt like i had been in battle with the ocean and i wanted to rest. so Himself and i did some shopping at home depot and goofed around all morning. that afternoon, we went and saw kung fu panda, which was very funny. but as funny as the movie was... nothing compared to the mini-show that took place a couple of seats down from us. anytime you go to a kid's movie during the day, you run the risk of having the worst time ever, because the damn kids won't shut the hell up. this time wasn't so bad. the kids were pretty good. now. the movie is reaching the emotional climax, when i choose to look at my husband. just past him, some dopey kid was sitting in his seat on his knees. you know how folding seats will fold back up if there is too much weight in the back and not enough in the front? yeah, well, i witnessed this kid's lesson in weight leverage. the seat folded up on him and he fell forward and out on to the floor with a thunk. he wasn't hurt... just got back up and sat down correctly. meanwhile... Himself and i laughed until i got a headache and was seeing stars. but it was that snake laugh, you know... ssss ssssss sssssss sss sssss ssssss, we didn't want to disturb anyone. the dad of the kid gave me the stink eye as he and the kid were leaving. i just laughed. hey, i can't help it if your kid is an idiot. god. i love the weekend.

AHHH! Nature! It's all over me... GET IT OFF!!!

2008-05-22T06:17:00.000-07:00

i like nature. it's all over the place so it's kinda hard to miss. i seem to attract it where ever i go so i am kinda used to it. when i was a kid, my dad would take me out to go fishing, hunting or just running around acting silly. i learned how to bait a hook, shoot a gun, gut a fish, shoot a bow and arrow, field dress a deer, and cook a squirrel. most of these talents have fallen by the wayside as i have grown up but the respect for and enjoyment of nature has retained.

as i have grown up, i tend to be a little more conscious of the world around me. while i was living in london, i found a den of foxes in my neighborhood. i probably shouldn't have done so, but i started buying them bacon wraps for them. there was a mom and her kits. and they were cute. i still love feeding the ducks at the pond at my apt complex and absolutely love going to the zoo. as you have previously read... i really like animals and have several of my own, so it comes as no surprise that i like nature.

as much as i complain about the part of florida that i live in, it is chock full of wildlife. here at my complex, we have a little pond that is home to lots of muscovy ducks (turkey ducks, as i like to call them), turtles, some fish and a couple of river otters. yes, folks, river otters. i had never seen wild otters before and thought that Himself was confused when he said that he had seen them. i figured that he had seen a couple of nutra rats or something. but damned if he was right. i watched one wrestle a big catfish out of the pond and eat it on the bank. then, when he noticed me watching, the otter took his fishy prize back in the water, swam into the drainage ditch and ate it there. i could hear the otter crunching on the fish from the drain cover. uuber cool. it was like being on wild kingdom. Himself was running about like freakin' jeff corwin. as for the water birds... i feed the ducks and geese. just this week a family of canada geese have moved in and made themselves at home. i feed them in the mornings. there is a mommy, daddy and 6 babby geese. the babies take the bread right out of my hand and the mom doesn't hiss at me so much now. love it.

there is life teaming in the trees that line the complex as well. now keep in mind that this apartment complex in one a major roadway in the middle of a city. i'm not living out in the boonies, i am living 5 minutes from downtown and next to an applebee's. anyway... there is an osprey and a hawk family that live in our trees. a copious amount of crows, quite a few bats and some possums. pearl (the greyhound) likes to find the possums and chase them trough the verge. unfortunately for both of us, i am still attached to her via the leash and i end up crashing through the brambles as well. it's not a pretty picture. just imagine this 65lb running machine tugging this screaming chunky girl behind her.

on a more elegant thought... i have taken up snorkeling again. when i first moved to fl, i would snorkel on my days off but those were few and far between so my hobby sort of died. but lately, i have been going to the beach every weekend (it's there, it's free, why not) and i have started strapping on the fins. the last time i went, i didn't see much... some fish and some pretty shells but there is a nice beach that has a big sandbar right around the corner, so i think that this weekend we'll there.

now. i have been lucky enough to have seen dolphins, pelicans, starfish and huge conchs, but until recently, i have never seen a wild manatee. i like manatees. i think that they are cute. so, at the dog park, i was bemoaning the fact that i had never seen a wild manatee and one of the other dog owners tipped me off to a small cove that is home to a pod (?) of manatees. it is only a few blocks away and it is fairly secluded. so, Himself and i went to check it out. we got out of the truck and right there in front of my eyes were 3 feeding manatees. well, all i could see was their noses but they were manatees and i was stoked! we sat for about an hour, just watching them swim about and eat. it was very calming. i plan on taking my mom out to see them when she visits next week.

boobs

2008-05-12T06:22:00.001-07:00

so. as i have written in the past... i am a knitter. i also crochet and i am self taught. a few years ago, i didn't have a lot of money to spend on christmas gifts, so i decided to knit all the gifts that year. i got better and better and know i can knit lots of stuff. i wanted to use my powers for good rather than evil so i decided to start knitting with a purpose. i mean harry potter house scarves are fun and all but i would rather be doing something good with all that yarn. and i have a lot of yarn. so i decided to make plush boobs for women that have breast cancer and have had a mastectomy. you see... when the hospital takes your boob and you have insurance, they give you this big ole honkin' thing that is a prosthetic boob. from what i hear tell, those prosthetics are awkward, hot and heavy. docs that they are made for you and your measurements, but they're not that great, but i guess they're better than nothing. well i know that i don't want some giant piece of rubber strapped to my chest. i would rather have something pretty that matches my cute bras. so i looked online and found a great pattern to make boobs. i have made my own little adjustments and now want to offer the world Bon Bon Bosoms. i want to call them bon bon because i can name each color scheme after candy. the one pictured is called strawberries and cream. i plan on making a peaches and cream, mocha truffle, cafe au lait and chocolate covered cherries. i also want to have a special line called the Lizzy Line for ladies with a bit of a sense of humor. there will be squeak toys inserted into the boob, blinky lights and other funny things to keep ones spirits up. i also want to give women the option to have some custom made to match their bras, dresses or other outfits. each bon bon will be weighted with a pretty gratitude rock that is inscribed with an inspirational message like "hope", "strength", "phoenix", "sassy", "beauty". my buddy, Pipper's Mom thinks that it will be a good thing. i will make generic bon bons to donate to hospitals and cancer groups and give ladies the chance to try 'em out and if they like them then the women can have special ones made. those would be for sell but they won't be very expensive. each generic bon bon will be made with acrylic yarn so that they can be laundered and are generally hypo-allergenic. the special commissions will be made to the specs that the customers want. if they want alpaca wool... thats what they will get. if they want fun fur, then i'll make them a tribble. silk blends, glitterspun, mohair... i'm down for whatever. i'm just happy to have something to work for. my aunt recently lost the fight in her battle against cancer and i feel that knitting boobs is that lease that i could do to honor her. and if anyone wants one just let me know. i can also make smaller bon bons that can hang from your rear view mirror like fuzzy dice, or more like fuzzy nipples.

my pets are my children

2008-04-30T06:53:00.000-07:00

above is a clip of me, my greyhound (pearl) and my min pin (rusty) playing. just so you know... i had just been running around with them so i sound a little out of breath and i also make a gun shooting sound to egg her on. rusty, as you can see, likes to try to keep up.

i will whole heartedly admit that i am one of those people that considers her pets to be hairy four-legged children. i love my pets very much and i can't imagine my life without them. if you frequently read my blog, you know just how much i love animals and that is usually animals that i don't own. the ones that i do own... well, lets just say that it borders on the fanatical.

i have had pets all of my life. my first pet was Andy, a tortoiseshell cat. her name is short for Andromeda. clash of the titans had just come and my mom liked the guy that played Perseus. harry something i think. he also did that show la law. remember? then later andy had kittens and we had emily. i named her but i don't remember why i liked the name emily. she had kittens and emily and the kittens disappeared. one day they were here... next day they were gone. give me a break here... i was 6 at the time. then we had a dog named sasha. that lasted a couple of months. we took her to a friend that had lots of land that sasha could run around in. (note: as much as we want to think that kids and dogs go well together... they really don't. i see it all the time at the dog park. the kids get freaked out, start running. the dogs thinks its a game and chase the child. the child goes into hysterics and everyone is upset. kids are ready for dogs when they are taller than the dog. even then... that rule applies to your dog not anyone elses. no children at the dog park. despite how much it makes me laugh to see the terrorized kids... it's just bad all the way around.) then a few years later my mom and i got eggroll. he was MY cat. a siamese mix, cross-eyed and wonderful. we would play hide and go seek and hide the eggroll in the basket. i loved that cat soooooo much when i was 10 he got the tip of his tail stuck in something and broke it so after that he had a jaunty little hook in his tail. he pawed my face once when we were playing and his claw scratched my eyelid. it almost hit my eye. i was screaming and he was scared that he was in trouble but it was an accident. eggroll died of pancreatic cancer. i was away at college in england. i was very upset. but before that, my mom got kira. another siamese mix... crazy as a loon. kira had endometriosis and used to drive us nuts with the yowelling. but then we got her fixed and she chilled out (kinda, she is still nuts) Andy died of old age. i was in my twenties when it happened. andy was like 18 or 19 years old when it happened. made me sad but she had a great life. when i was in college out in west texas, i found a stray and named him bill. i loved bill. he was named for the cat in the bloom county comic strip. bill was fugly when i brought him home. he was sick with an upper respiratory infection and his fur was stuck out in odd directions. my wonderful, tolerant roommate, Bear, let me keep him. bill was about the size of a large apple when i found him. now he is a whopping 20ish pound cat. he is huge. half main coon and half ragdoll cat. and he is pretty now too. when i moved to england for the year that i did my apprenticeship, my mom took him in. she had just gotten a new cat named bryner, named after yul bryner from the king and i as the cat was another siamese mix. bryner looks like marlin brando if you ask me. so my mom now had kira, bryner and now bill. and i had nothing. about 3 years ago,i worked at a vet clinic and fostered a kitten that had been hit by a car and had to have it's lag amputated. i named her clover but she never answered to it. one day i called her peapie and she started answering to that so the name peapie stuck. she is calico and my beautiful girl. she can really get around on those three legs! she rules the roost and keeps the dogs in line.

as for dogs... we have The Black Pearl. she's neigh uncatchable. her race name was caz's daisy. that's a dumb name so i changed it. we got her from the racing dog rescue project and she is a blessing. when we got her, we lived in a one bedroom apt. for being as big as she is... she takes up very little room (except in the bed. i have often been kicked out of the bed by the dog because she's so big). she won 3 out of 7 races before breaking he leg on the track. it was never set as they were going to put her down but he race dog rescue people swooped in and saved her. now she has a bit of a gimp in that leg but as you can see she runs just fine. she is lovable, gentle and playful. she likes to take her toys out of her toy box and puts them on her bed in the bedroom. we don't know why but its cute. then for christmas this year, i got himself a miniature pincher. that dog got a lot of personality. Rusty is our watchdog, bodyguard and legwarmer. he loves to cuddle under the blankets and sleep in the crook of my legs behind my knees. he barks at the pond at our apt complex because a turtle scared him once and now he feels that he should give the pond a piece of his mind at every opportunity. frogs are his enemy and he thinks that he is the biggest dog in the dog park-- taking on pits, dobies, rotties, and great danes. he even has a spiked collar.

rounding out our pets are peanut and mr ages. mr ages is a parakeet that has yet to learn to talk but we are working on it. and peanut is our blind white mouse. she is up on the entertainment center to stay out of the predators way. here are some pics of my non-human family.

this is Bill on my last visit home. he is doing what he does best... getting into something that he shouldn't.

here is pearl in here favorite spot on the couch. she usually sleeps with her eyes and mouth open. she looks like special ed fred in this pic.

this is peanut. she is blind which is common for albino mice. she spends most of her time either in her wheel or sleeping in her coconut hut.

Rusty, here, is wanting to invite the ducks for dinner. he stands on his back legs a lot. its pretty to watch.

meet mr ages. he is named for the mouse in the secret of nimh. he likes to watch the birds from the window and to keep a running commentary of the shenanigans of the mammals

this is my peapie. isn't she a cutey. you may have seen her before as i have featured her on my blog in the past.

here is pearl and rusty in the dog yard at my apt complex. they play very well together and are the darlings of the complex. most of the other dogs love having play dates with them.

once, i tried to make a dog sweater for a friend. i tried it on peapie to see how it looked. she gave me the bitch face and didn't speak to me for a week afterwards

peapie wants to go out on the lanni and rusty wants to eat mr ages.

this is boomer. we owned him for a year but he was not the right dog for us. he was very loving to people but wanted to eat other dogs. he was a corgie-pitt bull mix. yeah, weird. but he was given a wonderful home with a really nice lady and he is much happier with her.

this is peapie, the first week i brought her home to be fostered. she still had stitches and she hated that cone but it was funny as hell to look at.

i wanna be a producer with a hit show on broadway

2008-04-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna let all of y'all in on a little secret. i really really like broadway shows. i admit that i'm a bit of a geek when i comes to theatre (actually, on the whole, i am a bit of a geek in general so it really shouldn't be a surprise that i am a theatre geek as well.) so why am i bring up the obvious? i was just thinking the other day about the two shows that i want to bring to broadway, the great white way. y'all are pretty clever folks that read my blog so you are assuming that those shows are Nightmare Before Christmas and Rent. hold on, tat2kitten, i hear you asking. nightmare before christmas is a movie and rent is already on broadway. let me explain.

some of you may not know that i have a bit of a passion for sign language. i think that it is the most beautiful spoken language ever and i have tried for many years to learn to speak it and make it a second language. a few years ago, there was a production of Big River (tom sawyer, huck finn that hole thing) and the whole show was both sung out loud and with sign language. it was more than a show. it was a beautiful production that was grand and exquisite and everything theatre should be. well... since i love sign language and i love rent... why not put the two together. if they can do it with a crappy show like big river than rent would be a sensual celebration. imagine two mimi's that interchange seamlessly, one grinding against the scaffolding and one signing the lyrics. or a roger that plays guitar while sign language roger stands beside while his fingers dance the lyrics. i would want to stick as closely as possible to the original blocking and choreography but enhancing it with sign language. it would be spectacular. just thinking about it makes me excited to attempt it.

the other project that i would love to tackle is putting nightmare before christmas on stage. disney is putting everything on stage nowadays. for gods sake, last season they put up tarzan. tarzan! and now they have that damn fish girl. the reviews of Little Mermaid were terrible. well, they were fun to read but bad for disney. one said that the only people that would like little mermaid on stage would be glitter crazy 5 year old girls and somewhat psychotic drag queens. that pretty much sums it up right there. why should disney keep putting up schmaltzy shit? why not put up a uuber cool cult classic. now, i have actually been working on this one. i have a notebook that i jot down ideas in. the set should look like the film which looks like edward gory stuff. the costumes should be an enhancement to the the film, but also broadway-y. i hear you asking yourself, "self, that is all well and good for tat2kitten but what about the magic-y-ness." well. let me just remind you that Himself is a magician. problem solved. i have notes for just about every aspect of the show. costume, lights, set, production staff and even casting. my imaginary casting is as ever changing as the sea but currently this is where i stand.

the narrator: (this is a tricky role as it could be an actual actor, a voiceover or double cast with santa) if its an actual part= john hurt (mr ollivander in harry potter and also the storyteller from jim henson) if its a voiceover= either patrick stewart or tim curry, if it is double cast with santa= tim curry, john goodman or kevin james from king of queens.

jack skellington: my friend chris crouch, an excellent singer, dancer, and actor plus the fact that he's hot as shit.

sally: either amy adams (giselle from enchanted) or amy lee (lead singer of evanescence)

Oogie Boogie: it has to be ben vereen

lock: max casella (in newsies and doogie houser md)

shock: vanessa ray (25th annual putnum county spelling bee- national tour and finding nemo: the musical)

barrel: patrick stump (fall out boy)

santa: i don't know. any of the gents that i mentioned above like tim curry or john goodman or kevin james. or some other wonderful guy that i haven't thought of.

the mayor: timothy spall (wormtail in harry potter and nathanal in enchanted)

that's my list so far. and if anyone wants to let disney know that i have some great ideas and that i work for cheep, that would be fine with me.

what do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?

2008-04-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

so. whist i was on my honeymoon, there was a (dare i say) phenominon that was occuring all around me. there were hundreds, hundreds of little girls that were running around with thier hair pulled into cute little up-dos, most in princess costumes and all covered in glitter. to say that i was jealous would be putting it mildly. i asked several women who had daughters gussied up, where thier girls had gone to get princessed and if they thought that a grown up could do it to. turns out that disney has a little 'ole spa geared specifically to little girls. it's called the Bibbiti Bobbiti Boutique. for the right price, your little princess could be transformed into her favorite princess. they can have thier hair, make up, nails, and wardrobe done. complete with fairy dust. how much did i want to do all that. so much. stupid toddlers and their stupid glitter. anyway... to say that i like dressing up in funny costumes and prancing around like a fool would be like saying that the pope kinda likes to pray and hang out with jesus people. the best thing about my job as an artist model is that i get to live out my desires to release my inner drag queen. in the past, i have been know to wear various mixing bowls as hats (a fine photo that my mom loves to show at any given time). every halloween, i try to outdo myself and i hate to wear the same costume more than once. i have been a fairy, a unicorn, the bride of frankenstine and a she devil. on stage, i have worn some great costumes. the bigger, shinier and elaborate... the better. i have even had a fab costume made for my art classes. below are just a few pictures of me in some of my favorite costumes

my buddy, wyllym, made this gorgouse marie anntoinette dress for me. the whole thing was built in branson, mo while i was cooling my heels in florida. it is so popular with the art students that for 3 weeks after premiring the dress, every professor asked me to wear it in thier classes. the wig is one that i bought on ebay.

this little gem was made for the Ringling College of Art and Design's fund raiser. the theme was television. so of course i had to go as the NBC peacock. it was a big hit with everyone. i made this one myself. the tail is a fan from a chines resturant that i spray painted and glittered up. i tied it to my sholders with a scarf that ran under my arms and up behind my head. gusts of wind were my enemy that night.

this was my costume for Cabaret. obviously. i loved doing this show. my dad hates this costume. i wonder why?

this was a halloween costume that i made for a costume contest that was being held my job. at the time, i worked for a lumber company from which i was fired. i went as a peacock. the tail was a pair of modified angel wings that i got from the party store. i then bought over 200 peacock feathers from ebay which i hand sewed to the wings. then i reinforced the feathers with hot glue. i sewed the blue spraklely fabric to a corset that i alread owned and wore a little blue dress underneath. i did my make up as if i were wearing a mask and covered myself in glitter. the costume cost me a little over $200 to make. i won a $25 gift certificate to wal-mart. and i was fired. oh well. this was my wonderful costume for Suessical. 60 pounds of feathers, sequins, and fabulousness. i played Mayzie La Bird and that costume was one of the coolest things i've ever worn.

diets can lick my lizard

2008-04-19T17:19:00.001-07:00

so i have started a new diet. i really hate diets. diets are the single greatest threat to american decency and all that is pure on God's green creation. with that being said, i have started a new diet.

i have always been... how to put this delicately... a chunky monkey? "big boned"? reubenesque? my weight has always been an issue. i remember being teased as a child on the playground. but kids are dicks at any age and i really (honestly) don't remember what was said. i just remember that it happened. (like, i remember getting a black eye from walking in front of the swings but the details are all pretty hazy) anyway, as i got older and went through the cursed "puppy stage", my weight problems didn't get any better. now, i distinctly remember being teased by certain family members about how i looked and other "well meaning " family members giving me their two cents on how i should look. (note to anyone that is in a family-- if you have someone that is chunky in your family, believe me, they know that they have a weight problem. you reminding them and offering "help" is counterproductive and you are only making things worse. so just keep you flapping lips shut. just thought that you should know) one specific person in my family teased me in order to help me. it didn't, it just gave me a complex. but after a while i grew into myself and actually became kinda hot. well, i had big tata's anyway. then i went to college. it wasn't until my sophomore year of college that i really started packing on the pounds. i wasn't as active and yadda yadda yadda, by the time i graduated i had gained some poundage. then i was married to a guy. he was a real gem. he would remind me about how much weight i had gained since he'd met me and that if i didn't loose it that he would seek out a women that looked the way he thought that i should look and have sex with her. i divorced his ass. now i am married to a man that is a bit like mark darcy from bridget jones' diary. he likes me just as i am. he married a chunky monkey and is content with that. (don't get me wrong. it's not like i have my own gravitational pull or have to have a fork lift just to get up from the couch, i am just chunky. that's all.)

so. i decided to get the figure that i left back at college. not because i am vain. not because anyone asked me too. i just think that i should take care of myself for Himself, just as he will take care of himself for me. that and i don't like most of the clothes from Hefty's Hideaway. they are either too expensive, too awkward, or fugly as ass-ola. that and i want to look cute when i get pregnant. not like some behemoth waddling through the food court at the mall. don't pretend like you haven't seen them. i want to look pregnant. not just fat in a weird way.

i have been on that alli diet. yeah. i know. you have to be careful or you'll get the runs from hell, but so far so good. i am eating what i am supposed to and in the portions that i'm supposed to and i am really sticking to it. let me just tell you though... i am hungry. i just ate, but i am hungry and all i want to do is a face plant into a big 'ole chocolate cake and eat my out. 'cause i LOOOVE chocolate. almost anything chocolate. so that will be my achilles' heel -- the mighty chocolate. so the battle is on. i hope i win.

No Day But Today!

2008-03-31T07:29:00.000-07:00

i wanted to take a moment to let everyone know that my blog will be out of commission for an undetermined amount of time. i have quit my job at the theatre and i don't have internet set up in my house yet. we have just been lazy and haven't set it up yet but we should have internet within the week so i should be back on track soon.

so. why, you may be asking, do you have the original Rent poster on this blog? what does that musical have to do with you quiting your job? everything, says i.

Rent is one of those every special shows that actually opened my sr year of high school. i immediately fell in love with it. i bought the soundtrack, the show book, the sheet music, a couple of t-shirts, some postcards and have spent more money on tickets to various performances than should be allowed. you see, jonathan larson (the brilliant mind behind the show) died of a heart aneurysm after the final dress rehearsal in his apartment. it was past midnight; technically, it was the day of the show. he would never see his baby open on the great white way. about that same time, my grandfather died of a heart aneurysm. i just simply felt connected to the show on a very personal level.

it was also a watershed moment in my development as an adult. i was raised in a very religious household. looking back i am very grateful to have been sheltered (in a way) and given the chance to remain a kid a little bit longer. i had great friends in my church and was generally safe from drugs, booze and sex. there is a time and place for all things and i firmly believe that is called college. but because i was so sheltered, i naively thought that the church was the be all, end all to any and everything. this show (and rocky horror show) opened my eyes to a totally different sort of people. people that i could identify with and felt more at home with. and i thank shows like rent that help people like me come out of their shell.

so anyway, i love rent. i have seen it enough times that i have lost track on how many time i have actually seen it. i have met and hung out with original cast members and have had the great good fortune to see them perform on stage in the show that changed broadway forever.

again, i hear you asking... "what does all this have to do with quitting your job?" hold your horses, i'm getting to that.

so rent is on tour again. and it is coming to the theatre that i work at (for now at least). as far as i can see, there have been no disclaimers on the show. this is the same theatre that will put a disclaimer that there is a strobe light used in a show but hasn't had any for rent. for you unenlightened few who are unfamiliar with Rent, it is the opera La Boheme set in late 90's new york city with lots of rock music. there is pretty explicit language from the get go and there are to gay couples. now, me, i don't care one jot about any of that. it's a fun musical and i cry most of the 2nd act and i love it. but for a elderly resort community that the average age is 65... weeelll, they kinda don't like stuff like that. so when i sell tickets to Rent, i ask, "are you familiar with the show?" if they say yes then i proceed, business as usual. but if they don't, i tell them that there is language, rock music and adult situations. if they want to know what the adult situations are, i say that there are homosexual relationships. that's all i say. usually the customer will proceed with the order or they will confess that the show doesn't sound like their cup of tea. so i try to sell them something else. 9 times out of 10, i get the customer to purchase something. well my supervisor overheard me giving the disclaimer to a customer (which i have been doing since the tickets went on sale in september) and went completely apeshit. she started shouting at me saying that i wasn't the morality police and that i had no right telling people that there was homosexuality in the show and that it isn't any of my business and all sorts of things. then she gets the rest of the box office involved and it turned into an attack on me. to be heard over my supervisor, i shouted "IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I SAY, THEN TELL ME TO STOP. AND THEN DROP IT!" then i stormed out of the office slamming every door that was unfortunate to cross my path. i was so upset that night after work, that i spent most of the night in tears and made myself physically ill the next day. even now, more than a week after the event, i am really pissed.

all of that happened on a wednesday. the following monday, i wrote a resignation letter (while at work) and delivered it to my boss. she was very understanding in my desire to leave, although she is under the impression that i'm solely leaving because the ringling college is giving me more hours. i did tell her about the altercation in the box office and she (of course) sided with the supervisor. so all in all after all of this happened, today is my last day. and yes, i'll be taking on more hours at the school so there will be no worries as to my fiances. i just thought that y'all should know.

i love easter!

2008-03-19T10:03:00.001-07:00

i was raised in the south by the baptist. so easter is more than bunnies, baskets, and beautiful, bountiful candy. Jesus was crucified and three days later rose from the dead to concur death and save the world from their sins for those who believe. thanks Jesus.

but running a very close second to Jesus would be the candy. i love the easter candy. believe it or not, i don't normally eat candy. i would rather eat a cake or a pie or ice cream or something like that. not candy. but when spring rolls around every year, i put down my cookie/cake/ice cream and take up the joy of the easter candy. my absolute favorite is peeps. i could eat peeps until i make my self sick and i usually do at least once a year. there is nothing more heart-wrenchingly wonderful than a mouthful of peeps. as of late, the novelty of the peeps has somewhat diminished due to the fact that now every holiday has its own peeps. at halloween there are pumpkin, ghost and cat peeps. at christmas there are peeps. forth of july has peeps. hell, even arbor day has flippin' peeps (ok i made that last one up, but you get the idea) i rarely eat this poser peeps. i am quite the peep purest and save myself for the shockingly bright chick and bunny peeps of easter. maybe it's the gooey processed marshmallow, maybe the colorful sugar coating, maybe the insane blood sugar spike that my body labors through like junkie. i don't know. i just know that i like them so there.

i also love marshmallow eggs. they come in a real styrofoam egg carton and are, again, processed marshmallow covered in really cheep chocolate. now, i admit it... normally, i am a big ol' snob when it comes to chocolate. i lived in london for chrissakes. i like godiva, and lindor balls and fine gourmet chocolates from specialty stores. but every easter the marshmallow egg's siren song leads me down the path of unrighteousness. as i write this i have actually eaten 7 marshmallow eggs which were given to me by my lovely friend, SoJess.

i don't like cadbury cream eggs. they get my hands sticky and sticky hands are well out! plus, it seems to me that they have shrunk in the last few years. i like reese's peanut butter eggs, despite the fact that i don't like peanut butter. chocolate easter bunnies are lost on me and i have yet to figure out their appeal but the chocolate crosses with the candy easter lilies are intriguing. i love love love the cadbury mini eggs and have frequently lost my dignity in my consumption of them.

so... all in all, i love easter and the Jesus and the egg painting and the children in outfits that make them look like cupcakes, but the candy is the best thing about spring (except for that whole Jesus dying for my sins. thanks Jesus), esp. the peeps. oh peeps, you naughty beasts you.

where's my soapbox? i got something to say!

2008-03-10T07:45:00.000-07:00

i may sound like a hypocrite but i'm not. please let me explain. i love animals. i love animals more than people. i have been known to cry at zoos as i become moved by the beauty of the creatures that i see before me. but on the flip side, i own a antique fur coat and i eat meat. my dad and most of his family hunt deer, doves, fish, squirrel and most other woodland creatures. i see nothing wrong with any of this as my dad is allergic to everything in God's green goodness and needs to eat something. plus that coat that i have was inherited from a friend who, in turn, inherited it from his grandmother who was put in a home in florida. and as for my instance on being an omnivore, screw you, i like to eat meat.

but let me just as here and now that i cannot abide animal cruelty. i can and there is nothing more to say. you know, there are people out there that bawk at the jail sentences that animal beaters get. usually the offender gets a hefty stay in the poky for doing something to an animal. and i say good. and those that give the argument that, "well... that rapist/child molester/murderer got less time in jail that the leader of the dog fighting ring, and that's not fair." all i have to say to that is sorry, bub. them's the berries. human victims have the chance to get away (granted child victims and old people can't really get away and there are always exceptions to everything) but an animal doesn't really have a defence. especially a dog. dogs are very trusting and need to be in a pack even if their pack is abusive. and those ass-jacks that have the dog fights are... i have no words... they make me so goddamned angry i can barely see straight. pictured above is one of the dogs that was rescued from that monster michael vick. the dog is hector and is being fostered in san diego. apparently, he is healing well and finds joy in stealing underwear from the hamper and cuddle time with his foster mom. look at that face. that is one cute dog. if i ever see that michael vick... i swear, i would probably fly at him like a whirling dervish and try to scratch his eyes out.

i also like chickens. i want chickens. i think that it would be nice to have chickens so that i could have fresh eggs. yes, i know that you have to go get the eggs everyday and sometimes chickens are a pain in the ass to keep, but i like them and i want some. so don't get me started on cock fighting. there was a couple that had a bunch of roosters that they kept for their cockfighting ring that was held at the back of their property, which they claimed they kept for the eggs. i hope that they catch some infection from a scratch from one of the roosters and have to have their limbs amputated.

so there was this asshole golfer that was sentenced for hitting golf balls at a hawk and killed it. fucker. i want to just beat him about the head with his own golf clubs. the poor hawk was hit in the head and had blood coming out of its nose. i love birds of prey and have a healthy respect of them after working at a zoo that featured rescued birds of prey. they are noble, intelligent, beautiful, helpful and kinda funny. even vultures are cool. mortis was our vulture and he could do tricks. i thought that he was the bee's knees. so the thought of people purposely killing theses birds pisses me off.

now, let us move on to those poor cows that were being abused by that slaughterhouse. i'm not going to talk about slaughterhouses in general, just that one that was pushing the cows with the forklifts. i cried. poor cows. maybe we should push those workers around with a forklift. poor cows.

i could go on and on about how insane i think the marines are. i haven't met too many of people from that branch of our military that are actually normal. i know that there are normal marines but most of them are psycho's. with that said, who is that fucker that threw the puppy over the cliff and why wasn't he thrown over the cliff too? god, just because you can be a dick and carry a gun doesn't mean that you should. i don't want him protecting my freedom; i want to punch him in his ass face. i know that the military kinda likes that kind of heartlessness in its soldiers but come on. it's a puppy. and it was a cute puppy at that. god, i don't even know what to say. ass.

speaking of ass, pete dougherty is next one my tirade. that ass made a crack pipe for his kitten so he could have a drug buddy. then filmed it. i cried for days about that baby kitten. i want pete to die. and that is a very big thing for me to say. i don't normally wish death on another human but this man should just od to keep his filthy drug ways away from his cat. poor kitten.

i think that i am going to stop writing now because i am getting myself all worked up and i'm having trouble typing. i do what i can to help the animals. i have several rescue animals in my home. including my ex-racing greyhound, my parakeet, my 3-legged cat and my mouse. i tried to save another parakeet from a petland that i worked at for like 2 days before i quit, disgusted at the treatment of the animals. but the poor thing was too far gone. at least i tried. don't even get me started on petland. the only reason to shop there should be to save all the animals. you would be completely disgusted by their everyday practices. no deep cleaning, rinsing the stool and urine down the sink. sick animals nebulized in cages caked with dry stool. i could go on but i'm starting to get angry again.

just remember that animals, whether they are cute and fuzzy or slimy or scaley or spiney, are wonderful gifts and that they were here first. and, more than likely, they will be here after our asshole society is long gone.

Baby, you can drive my car

2008-02-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

look at what i saw this weekend! so Himself and i were taking the dogs to the beach for some playtime (and because i think it's funny to watch the min pin try to figure out how the hermit crab works) and we saw a father riding on his jetski with is daughter. i noted it but no big deal, right. dad. kid. jetski. ok. so... as we are leaving we notice what the father did after they finished with the jetski. i walked over and asked if he needed any help. he said no. i asked if he wanted some rope to pull it out. he said no, unless it was really thick rope because tieline wouldn't be strong enough. i asked if i could take a picture. he said yeah, i suppose so. so i did. he said that he thought that he had it in drive but he really had it in reverse. no shit, really? is that how your suv ended up simi-submerged in the ocean? fool.

this is just one example of the idiots that we have behind the wheel here in florida. i know what you are thinking... "you think you have bad drivers? you should see the drivers we haver here in (insert random place here)" well, let me just counter that with... where do you think all those bad drivers go in the winter and to die. that would be florida, folks. all the aged and feeble grab their walkers or hoverrounds and tottle thier way south to take up residence in the land of swaying palm trees and conch fritters (yum!) maybe it is the salty sea air, maybe the golden sunlight warming thier cold bones, but for some crazy reason these dinosaurs wraped in human flesh actually think that they are young again. newsflash here, people. you're not. i'm sorry to be the one to pass on this tragic information, but let's call a spade a spade, shall we. you are old and that ain't changing. please for the love of all that pure and holy, please stop getting behind the wheel. you can't see. you can't hear. you can berely see over the dashboard. you drive too slow. you think that just because you fought in WW2 that the rules of the road don't apply to you. you are the scurge of the Florida Hwy System and you must be stopped. i have always said that there should be a manditory practical driving test for everyone over the age of twenty to be taken every 5 or 10 years. that way we can get some of these biohazards off the road. if you fail the test, then your licences is revocked for 6 weeks. then you get to try agian. if you fail again then you loose your licences for a full year. then you can try again. if you fail this last time, well you are SOL until the next 5 or 10 year mark. sure that would mean that there would have to be more people on staff at the dmv, but i bet the testing could be contracted out to one of those driving schools or something. all i'm saying is... i rarely feel safe on the road, and if you have ever ridden in a car with me you would know the gravity of what i say. i have actually become a better driver after watching the carnige that the ancient americans can dish out.

here are some helpful points to remember when out on the road.

1. it's called a blinker. it tells all those around you where you intend to go. it turns on and just as importantly... it turns off.

2. it's called a turning lane. it allows you to remove yourself from the flow of trafic to slow down and make a turn. please don't attempt to make a turn from the center lane of a three lane highway. not only is it dangerous but it is annoying.

3. if you can't see over the dashboard, don't drive. you better find yourself a Hoke, mrs daisy, 'cause you are cruzin' for a bruzin'.

4. the speed limit is posted. could you please drive a speed that is somewhere in the neighborhood of the speed limit. yes, i know that it is the limit and you have the right to drive as slow as you want, but your fellow drivers want to throw blunt objects at you when you hold us up because of your slow ass driving.

5. if you don't have anywhere to go, and let's face it... you're retired and in florida. where do you really have to be? please stay off the road during the exact hours of 6-9 am and 3-6 pm. these are the hours that people that have real jobs have to commute and you with your slow ass driving are getting in the way.

6. i am young and pride myself on the fact that i can muti-task. you are old and have either lost the ablity to multi-task or never cultivated the talent in the first place. don't you give me the stink eye because i am on my cell phone.

7. congratulations. you have worked all your life to finally own a sports car. how bout driving that beast like it's a sports car and not a land yatch.

8.green means go. red means stop. not the other way around.

9. the break is a lifesaver until you are breaking for every. god. damn. thing. the squirrel that is 200yards in front of you will probablly move and if it doesn't, hit it. it is a stupid squirrell and natural selection may be governing his fate. but when you see the mild mannored pedestrian, why do you insist on plowing on through. this also applies to bicycles and motorcycles. if you hit them, the police will arrest you for manslaughter.

10. i know that it is hard, it will be difficult for me when the time comes, but swallow your pride and admit when the gig is up and you need to stop driving. you will get more respect if you do.

tat2

2008-02-06T06:23:00.000-08:00

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?

Lydia The Tattooed Lady.

She has eyes that folks adore so,and a torso even more so.

Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia.

Oh Lydia The Queen of Tattoo.

On her back is The Battle of Waterloo.

Beside it, The Wreck of the Hesperus too.

And proudly above waves the red, white, and blue.

You can learn a lot from Lydia!

La-la-la...la-la-la.La-la-la...la-la-la.

She can give you a view of the world in tattoo if you step up and tell her where.

For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree,

or Washington crossing The Delaware.

La-la-la...la-la-la. La-la-la...la-la-la.

Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia?

Lydia The Tattooed Lady.

When her muscles start relaxin', up the hill comes Andrew Jackson.

Lydia, oh Lydia, oh have you met Lydia.

Oh Lydia The Champ of them all.

She once swept an Admiral clear off his feet.

The ships on her hips made his heart skip a beat.

And now the old boy's in command of the fleet,

for he went and married Lydia!

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i have tattoos. sure i do. why else would my name be tat2kitten. although, i don't have any tattoos of kittens at this point. i will never forget getting my first tattoo. i was going to school in grantham, lincs, england and i really wanted some ink. i went to so many tattoo parlors that they all started looking alike. i ended up drawing my own design (a thisle) and took it to the local tattoo artist. my roommate went with me and took pics the whole time. it is rather small and on my back right above my right butt cheek. i was 20. before i took the bus into town to get my first tattoo, i called my mom to get clearance, so to speak. i asked, "mama, what do you think of tattoos?" she responded, "well, it seems like everyone is getting one." well, that was all i needed to convince me. i bolted out of the door like horse from a burning stable. let me just tell you something here, pal. tattoos hurt. period. and anyone that says otherwise is a liar liar pants on fire. it hurts because you are stabbing your arm with a very fast needle with ink. so... it hurts. but it is adictive. really adictive.

my next tattoo came during my senior year of college. it is a good luck clover. very simple, cute. it is right above my left butt cheek. i woke up with the itch to get some more ink and went to where my roommate Bear got her newest (at the time) tattoo. it is a little bit bigger than the first tat but still small... to match the thisle. latter that year, i got a bellybutton ring but it got infected because i was allergic to the cleaning solution. i eventually took the damn thing out and now i have a faint scar on my tummy.

my next body modification came after i moved back to the states. i went to visit bear and her sister. we all went to a concert at billy bobs in fort worth. after the concert we stumbled over to the new tattoo parlor that was having a grand opening that night and i got my tongue peirced. i asked bear if it would hurt and she assured me that it wouldn't and that i would be just fine. and as the warm steel peirced my sensive flesh and the two huge tears rolled down my flushed cheeks, i locked eyes with bear and wimpered, "you lied." she laughed, the bitch. on the way home she did stop at taco bell and get me a cup of ice. damn, my tongue was swollen! the next day, i went home and the only thing that i could eat was a krispy kream donut, torn into small peices and shoved down the back of my throat. that was the best donut ever. eventually the swelling went down, and i accessorized my mouth with various peices of jewerly. but i swore that i would take my tongue ring out if i ever chipped a tooth. i like my teeth and i don't want them looking like shit. needless to say, after about a year and a half, i took out my tongue ring and have regretted it ever since.

after my ex-husband and i split up, i designed a new tattoo of a heart with wings. one side of the heart is designed like an angle, the other half is a devil. it is on my back left sholder. i got the line work done first then went back for the color. i feel like i got jipped because it came out rather plain but it still looks nice. i will more than likely get it spruced up at some time.

not long ago, i got a real grown up job in an office. i answered phones, coalated, handled payroll and generally looked busy while i was actually buy off of ebay. with my first grown up paycheck, i got a design of a broken heart that was patched and stiched up. again, this was one of my own designs. it came out perfect. exactly as i had pictured it. it is on my back right sholder. my new husband and i met at this grown up job and he thought that i was blowing him off by saying that i was going to be getting a tattoo that weekend he asked me out on a date. by the way... he neglected to tell me that his phone number was from a different area code so i neglected to give him my local area code. so when he called my phone and got a strange phone message, he again thought that i was blowing him off. silly man.

so the tattoo count is up to four at this time. but that is just not enough. and incedently, each tattoo is bigger than the last. i get the itch for ink again and design a trible heart of flame with 5 stars surrounding it. i got this one on my arm on good friday, last year. the same artist that did the patchwork heart, did the trible thing. and let me tell you something here. i guess because it is really huge, he wasn't able to do some of the faness that he did with the patchwork heart. i was kinda disappointed. don't get me wronge... all it needs is a touch up here or there. but the artist has gone out of business and skipped town. damn it. Himself said that he will get me a touch up at some point. i think that i will kick it up a notch and give it a bit of a japaness feel. that and i want a tongue peircing again.

Customer service can lick my lizard

2008-01-30T09:37:00.000-08:00

so this comic from Toothpastefordinner.com pretty much sums up every customer that comes to my theatre. and may i add that the majority of folks that are our customers are freakin' snowbirds from up north, who's chilly dispositions match the weather they so quickly fled from. it's not that i don't like yankees, it's just that most of the are so damned confrontational and apparently everyone over the age of 65 all want something for nothing. listen... i'm sorry that you have a fixed income. but if you want to go to theatrical performances, why don't you plan ahead instead of bitching at me that the tickets are too expensive. the city that this theatre is located in is the mecca of retirees, and every single one of them thinks that they should get a senior discount. this theatre would never make any money if we did that, let me tell you. also, don't you yell at me just because the person you bought tickets for up and cancelled without any reason at all. i, the ticket selling person, has nothing to do with any of that. believe me, if it were up to me, that crappy show would go on as planned, 'cause i don't want to have to deal with you, son.

i think that customers sometimes are confused, frustrated, and or angry and just need to vent. that is were customer service reps step up to the plate. you see, most things can be fixed with a simple click of a mouse. and in a lot of cases, you customer service rep will do everything in their power to fix you problem. the catch is.... just be nice. it's a simple request; just be nice. i for one will go out of my way to help someone that is polite, gentle and well mannered in their treatment of me, but on the other side of that coin, i will go out of my way to make your experience a total living hell if you are rude, condescending or down right mean to me. it's that whole golden rule thing, treat others as you would have others treat you. and when you are red in the face from yelling, tears of frustration wetting your flushed cheek, throat sore from bull-headed arguing just keep in mind that i am silently laughing at you and will mock you as soon as you hang up the phone. it's not that i want to make anyone's life difficult, far from it, it is just that i don't think that you should treat people poorly just because you have a problem or that you don't know me. you wouldn't talk to your best friend in such a manner, what gives you the right to speak to me that way? just wondering.

another problem with customers is that they don't know what they want and nine times out of ten, want you to make their decisions for you. please, for the love of God's Green Goodness, please know what you want from me before i pick up the phone. i always sell the best seats available; you don't have to ask for them. and no. i will not choose your seats for you. your money is paying for your ass to sit in a seat, you choose. also... call after you are armed with the info that you will need. don't call me and waste my time trying to sell you tickets, setting them aside for you and explaining everything about the performance space just to have you tell me that you will call back after you talk to your friends. do you realize that i do other things besides help dementia candidates such as yourself. (well, not me, i don't do much besides surfing the gossip blogs) but i am sure that there are other people that do important things that you have interrupted.

there are times when i just want to throw myself off the seawall rather than deal with some customers. (again, most of whom are from New York) and the funny thing is, you can see it in their face as they walk through the door. it's something in the way the carry themselves. like that they are preparing for freaking battle. and again, most problems can be fixed with just the push of a button. so if you are nice, i will want to help you. just assume that i can help you and not that i am completely inept at my job. i did train to do my job. let's just pretend that i can.

some of the typical conversations with customers go a little like this:

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me (on the phone): so your tickets plus the service fee came to $150. how would you like to pay for that.

stupid customer (sc): with my credit card.

me: (internally) DUHHHHHH!

me: yes, what credit card?

sc: my chase

me: (internally) someone kill me

me: and what kind of credit card is that?

sc: oh, a mastercard.

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me: so i have 4 tickets on row 12 right in the center.

sc: are those good seats?

me: oh yes. those are perfect seats to see this show.

sc: do you have anything better?

me: actually, those are the closest seats i have to the stage.

sc: well, i don't know. would you sit there?

me: (internally) hell no! i wouldn't see that crappy show if you paid me!

me: oh yes. i would totally sit there.

sc: i just don't know. you choose for me.

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sc: i would like tickets for Mama Mia

me: i'm sorry. that is a sold out show.

sc: what do you mean it's sold out?

me: (internally) i mean that you sat on your ass too long and now you can't see the show

me: i mean that we are sold out.

sc: so i can't buy any tickets?

me: that's exactly what i mean.

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sc: i would like tickets for mama mia.

me: i'm sorry. that is a sold out show.

sc: but i didn't buy my tickets

me: (internally) so

me: i'm sorry

sc: so what am i going to do?

me: i don't know

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sc: i would like tickets for mama mia.

me: i'm sorry. that is a sold out show.

sc: so in other words, you don't have any tickets.

me: (internally) no those exact words

me: i guess so.

Happily Ever After

2008-01-23T11:18:00.000-08:00

First, i have to take a moment to pay tribute to Heath Ledger, who was found dead yesteday in his in his apartment in New York. This was a shock to many people as heath was not known to have the wild lifestyle that some of his fellow hollywood stars live. i fell in love with him in 10 Thing I Hate About You and have followed his career faithfully. i am highly anticipating the new batman film in which he portrayed the infamous Joker. he was truely a tremendous actor and he will be greatly missed.

now. i want to share some of the photos from the fairy tale honeymoon that Himself and i shared.

this is at Epcot on the day of the wedding. we are sitting in Italy at a fountain on our wedding reception trip around the world. i ended up buying a mask from the maskmaker there in Italy.

here we are in Paris at epcot. i love france and had a chocolate crossant to mark the ocation

the day after the wedding, we decided to go back to Epcot and take our time looking around. as much as we love our families, sometimes you just don't get a chance to look around when your with a group. not that we need to look around that much; we've been enough times that we could give guided tours of the place.

here we are in jolly ol' england right before the firework display. himself says that the fireworks used to be more fantastic but that disney has toned them down in the past few years.

monday after the wedding, we headed to MGM. the best end of day show happens there. mickey fights with his imagination and all the cool disney villains. they mix fireworks, lasers, water FX, pyro and film to create this show. MGM was really fun and we are totally going there again.

this was Halloween day at disney. let me tell you something here. disney does every holiday in grand style. we had a blast. we decided to wear our wedding reception clothes to disney that day as our costume. that night we were able to score a table inside cinderella's castle. dinner there was excellent, of course and we tried to sneak into the halloween party that night but the damn disney people are too smart for my sly tricks. much fun was had by all though.

nothing beats a good ol' fashioned pirate fight. we had just ridden the pirates of the caribbean twice in a row, when we met this scallywagg!

he's no jack sparrow but i think that i will keep him around!

just monkeying around in animal kingdom. this i my favorite of the disney parks. there is a really sweet lady named eva that gave us a personal tour through the asian jungle. my favorite disney show is at animal kingdom as well. Finding Nemo the musical is the best. i know all the songs and sit like a big ol' fool singing along like i'm at some pre-school rocky horror. god, i love disney.

this is were himself proposed. i had to have a picture of us there. how apporopriate that the tree of life is in the background? yeah, i know we're nerds. shut up.

speaking of nerds. yes. i actuallly stood in line to meet winne-the-pooh. and yes i am holding a stuffed dinosaur that i won at the dino carnival. it became the dog 's dinosaur.

i really wanted to meet tigger. himself indulges me.

even when i am kissin' on other men on my honeymoon. it doesn't seem like he minds all that much

this was our last night on our honeymoon. honestly, we were ready to go home and see our animals, but it was one of the best times of my life. disney really knows how to make everything larger than life and more magical than anyone could believe. it truely was the year of a million dreams and all ours came true.

We are all animals m'lady

2008-01-19T13:15:00.001-08:00

so. i admit it. i'm not too ashamed of this fact....

i am a sucker for fantasy films. i just can't help myself. some of my earliest film memories is of watching the animated versions of The Hobbit and The Last Unicorn. then came Dark Crystal, Labyrinth and Legend. Even now, i would rather watch a film full of fairy glamour than any other genre.

as a child, i suspect that i wanted to grow up in a world filled with storybook creatures. i wanted a unicorn for a pet for God's sake. and as an adult, i find that my life is a little too realistic. i gladly welcome the opportunity to escape into a land were Westley always rescues Buttercup and Sarah has a Jereth the Goblin King begging for her love and submission (had i been sarah, there would have been no hesitation. david bowie can be my master any old day).

it's just that there is so much to think about every day. now with all this political mumbo jumbo going on it makes me want to slip into my fantasy worlds even more. so what if it is immature to want to always get away from it all. i do my work. i help my customers. sometimes, i even care about my customers, though they make it rather difficult to want to care for them. i go home and walk the dogs, fix dinner, hit the gym and go to bed. why now let a little excitement into my humdrum life and live vicariously through Lily and Jack, or Bilbo, or Cinderella. To live in a world that is wrapped in satin and glitter may be folly but i would much prefer to send myself into Morpheus' arms with the stars in my eyes. tomorrow i will wake and ground my head in reality and let Matt Laurer spin it for me. (speaking of Mr Matt. Homeboy looks hot in some swim trunks, let me tell you.) but i will end my day with swirling dresses and dashing heros.

i know that there are a good many people that will disagree with me (including Himself). they want to see intrigue and suspense. they want to see jackie chan kick some bad guys ass. they want to see some sub-human zombie creature chase bimbos into the woods and kill them. well... have fun with that. when you want me, look for me in the 10th kingdom. the land were chivalry isn't dead quite yet. where the villain is vanquished (despite the fact that he may be totally hot and seductive) and everyone lives happily ever after.

Tat2kittens Top 10 Fantasy Films

10. The Hobbit: this animated adaptation of the first of Tolkin's visits to middle earth is exceptional. gollum really freaked me out as a child but i liked the dragon, Smog. bilbo baggins leads a simple life. that is until Gandolf the wizard enlists his help in adventure that takes bilbo out of his comfort zone. Bilbo learns the strength in friendship and that even the smallest of size may be the bravest of heart.

9. The Last Unicorn: unicorns, magic, red bulls and angela landsbury. what more could you want in a fantasy film. while watching hunters in her forest, a unicorn learns that she is the last of her kind. vowing to find the others, she sets out with two human companions, schmendrick the magician and molly grue. to save the unicorn from being driven into the sea by King Haggard's red bull, schmendrick finally performs true magic but changing the unicorn into a human girl. the king's son falls in love with the mysterious girl causing the the girl to make a choice, stay human or return to her unicorn form. beautiful.

8. The 10th Kingdom: this is was an exquisite mini-series that was aired in the late '90's. it is quite a feet to watch it all in one go as it is 10 hours long but great for a rainy day. virginia and her dad live on the edge of central park. on her way to work as a waitress, virginia hits a dog with her bike that just happens to be the prince of the 3rd kingdom who was turned into a dog but his wicked

stepmother. with a wolf and trolls chasing him he runs through a magic mirror into central park. to help the dog, virginia and her dad travel through the mirror and find that all the fairy stories are all true and all took place within the 9 kingdoms. now they have to stop the wicked step mother from taking over all nine kingdoms by placing an impostor on the throne. all the great grimm fairy tales are touched on and even some mother goose rhymes. it also has an all-star cast. i love it.

7. Harry Potter: it's magical and fantastic. there are so many reasons that one should love these films. number one would be Gary Oldman as Sirius Black. each movie is better than the last and it's fun to watch the kids grow up.

6. Lord of the Rings: what can be said of the Leviathan that is the peter jackson mega-hit Lord of the Rings. Another great rainy day watch. great special FX and acting and costumes and sets and everything. just watch!

5. Dark Crystal: this was the first feature film by Jim Henson that didn't feature his beloved muppets. well... they were muppets, just not The muppets. it was creepy, beautiful, and it had land striders (i totally wanted one for a pet). it was ambitious for the henson company and i think it was more appreciated in video release. as with anything that jim henson touched, i think that it is wonderful. Jen is a gelfling that needs to find the missing shard of the crystal to bring order to his planet. kira is another gelfling that helps jen on his quest. great watch.

4. Legend: you can see from the above picture why i love this film. like jim henson, Tim Curry can do no wrong in my eyes and i think that whether he wears fishnets or bull horns he is a handsome fellow. this is a film that you must get it while you can. i fear that due to tom cruses new friends, you might not be able to find this film much longer. but it is a perfect fairy tale. jack and lily are innocent and in love. jack shows lily the unicorns and she touches one, causing the goblins of darkness to be able to trap the unicorn and steal its horn. this sends the world into darkness and jack, with the help of the fairy folk, must set things right. meanwhile, the lord of darkness has the hots for lily and tries to seduce her. the ultimate battle of good and evil ensues. it's not a long movie but it is a good one.

3. The Princess Bride: name me one girl that didn't let this movie shape her view of love. name me one boy that didn't think that Inigo Montoya wasn't the shizz. i love this movie. oh and by the way, i love this movie. buttercup lives on a farm and westley is the farm boy. they fall in love and he sets sail to find his fortune. buttercup learns that he is killed by the dread pirate roberts and agrees to marry the prince humperdink even though she vows to never love again. while out riding she is kidnapped and that group is pursued by a man in black. the man in black (westley) rescues buttercup only to lose her to humperdink again. but true love does conquer. this is a completely hysterical fantasy romp full of love, adventure, giants, sword fights, mystery, villains heros and cary elews.

2. Labyrinth: david bowie in tight jodhpurs. holy shizz. need i say more. this is another trip to the other side of reality with jim henson. sarah hates babysitting her baby brother so she jokingly asks the goblin king to take the baby away. he does and makes her travel to the center of his labyrinth in 13 hours or her baby brother will become a goblin servant. with the help of some of the inhabitants of the labyrinth sarah learns that life's not fair but good will out. again, it also has david bowie in really tight pants.

1. The Slipper and the Rose: sometimes the disney channel will play this film during christmas but it is not a very popular film. i think it is one of the most beautifully filmed movie musicals ever. it is just the tale of cinderella but you see more of the prince's point of view. richard chamberland plays the prince and he is completely adorable.

Welcome back Kotter!

2008-01-14T07:43:00.000-08:00

Well. it has been far to long between this and my last post and i will promise to think about getting better at that. as a recap on the last 2 1/2 months... himself and i were wed at disney. everything went off without a hitch. and living at disney for a week is quite therapeutic but anymore verges on the creepy. everyone was very nice and gave us free stuff. i like free stuff. after that, my aunt died so i had to go to texas. after that, the snowbirds came down from up north and are driving all self-respecting people nuts. after that, it was christmas... i got a computer but i don't have internet at home yet so i play a lot of majong right now. himself got a min pin puppy named rusty. after that, i got sick and spent a week in bed. i hate being sick. so now here we are. with the new year.

this year, as with most i want to get in better shape, be nicer to customers and drink less soda. there you have it. my resolutions. so far, i have done ok but, we are only a couple weeks out. we will see how i do.

can anyone believe what is going on in hollywood. it's like they're taking crazy pills. writers on strike and britney really flipping her lid. i just hang my head and wait for project runway to come on. i really really love that show. christian needs a reality check. vyctoria needs to chill and ricky needs to get a grip. i love chris. go to his website and check out his designs. http://www.chrismarchdesigns.com/

another site you should check out is http://www.marriedtothesea.com/ i was asked to stop reading it at work because i was becoming too rowdy. here are some of my favorite comics from the site.

so today is looking like it will be another stellar day at the van wezel performing arts hall. aggressive, rude customers and outdated software...paradise on earth! today i am determined to finish knitting the sock i started two weeks ago. hooray for socks. making them has been like wrestling an octopus, but they'll look kick ass when i am done

it's a...nice day for white wedding

2007-10-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

So. The Boy and i are getting hitched in 8 days. as you can see from the photo to the left, we are having a disney wedding and let me tell you something here. it is sooooo much easier to let disney take care of everything. this was the best choice we could have made. besides each other.

The Boy and i met when we worked at the same company. he worked as a carpenter and built doors and i sat on my ass and pretended to work when all i really did is play tetris all day. he and i had a mutual friend that pretty much fixed us up and it was very much like high school. "do you like him?" "do you like her?" eventually he asked for my phone number and i gave it to him sans area code not realizing that he did not have a local cell phone. so when he called, he got some funky message and thought that i had blown him off. meanwhile... i waited for him to call and thought that he had blown me off. after realizing what had happened we had a good laugh and decieded to go out on a date. we've been together ever since.

no this is not my first marriage, i can tell you this... God willing, it will be my last. and the best thing is that disney is handling everything. with my first wedding, i was lucky in that i am from a small town and was married in my home church and most of the town went to my church so they would cut me a break. i.e. a discount on the flowers and groomcake and i didn't have to pay for the rental for the church and i only had to pay 1/2 price for the reception hall (but that was because there was going to be a class reunion that night and they were just going to use my decorations). but even with all that help, it was still expensive and stressful and tedious to coordinate all of the elements that make up a wedding. like music and flowers and photography and stuff. some of my friends performed and my aunt played the piano, so that was ok. also, i had a bagpiper and that was cool. the flowers... well, the florist went on a church retreat and left his minions in charge and they duded out the church in these beautiful tropical flowers. only problem was that my colors were pastels. my mom was so upset that she cried. and for that i made the minions cry and then redo the whole thing. and to top it all off, my photographer was a total natzi bitch. if i wasn't minding my p & q's, i'd have knocked her in the head with my stilletto.

but i don't have to worry about any of those crazy things with this wedding. disney has it all under control. and for a pretty resonable price everything from the site rental to the champange toast is covered. we have our site (sea breeze pointe at the boardwalk), our flowers (white calla lilies tied with a blue satin ribbon with blue crystals decorating the flowers), the music (a violinist), a photographer (they will send the proofs in a book, put the proofs on a website for us and package the photos we choose into a personalized wedding album), a limo (for 5 hours), and the reception food (marble cake with raspberry mousse and buttercream icing and sparkling cider -- we didn't want the champange). and the coordinator is handling everything. i don't have to worry my pretty little head about anything.

as for the reception, we are going to have a progressive dinner around the worlds at Epcot. much fun will be had by all. so... all that said, my next post will be made after we get back from honeymoon, and i will tell you all about it!

Cats! I'm Gonna Purr Forever...

2007-10-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

Well. monday night was quite possibly the biggest travesty in my auditioning career. and i have had some real doozies! Like the time that i auditioned for "Into the Woods" and the musical director didn't like the song that i had picked out to sing. she complained that it didn't show off my range. i explained that it did show off my acting and she just scoffed at me. she then proceeded to give me the wrong starting pitch twice. in a tearful voice a pleaded with her to just give me my starting note. once into the song, i nailed it, as usual. i like the song i had chosen and had used it from many auditions and have always done very well with it. then the musical director complained again that the song didn't show my vocal range so asked me to sing some scales, which she played completely randomly. i was so frazzled when i came out of that audition, all i could do is cry. and i was between shows on my double so that meant i had to reapply my makeup for the evening performance. needless to say... i was not cast in "Woods".

back to Cats.

i love the show. i have seen it a 3 different times. the first time was the national tour at the Dallas Music Hall. Grizabella forgot the lyrics to "Memory". how ironic. to forget the lyrics to a song called memory and the simple fact that it is one of the only songs that anyone knows. i have also seen it on Broadway at the Winter Garden. that was fun. there was a lady in the audience that insisted on petting one of the actors that was in the audience. he finally had to say "please don't touch my costume". i laughed at the lady. she was like, "oh, i'm so sorry. i keep forgetting that you are actors." dumb woman. the final time that i was able to see the show, was when i going to school in London. my friend matt was in the cast, and i was able to score tickets for the final performance. my seats were on the stage bit that revolves with the set. at one point his blocking was to sit right in front of me. it was very cool as i could bearly recognize him in all the makeup. so i like the show. i know that some people hate it and i could care less, because i like it.

now. i am no dancer. i like to pretend that i can dance but in all actuality, i dance like a big old hot mess on wheels, as my roommate from college can attest. i dance like my dad. and he dances like elaine from seinfeld. and in the words of jerry, "it's like a full-body dry heave set to music." i have taken some dance classes. i did a whole year of it my freshman year of high school and i also took a class in university. i have had some intro to ballet, jazz and tap. i also like to watch Fosse and All That Jazz. but that is about all i know about dance. but i am trainable. and a hard worker. so i get to the auditions (after being sick all day with a sinus infection) and we start part of the dance audition. after an hour of (painful) dance we take a break. there were plie's and jumps and a lot of cat movements. i liked it but it was rather difficult for me. but i did my best and laughed at the whole thing. then came the singing. the accompanist gave a lovely flourish instead of the starting pitch that i asked for and i (stupidly) picked the wrong note to start. i was singing my song a full octive higher than it was written. but since i couldn't hear the piano anyway, i just plunged on. then i was asked to do some tap dance step. i didn't know how and the director settled on seeing what i could do in tap, which isn't much. after everyone sang, we started the second dance portion. it was easier for me and had lots of high kicks, which i can do in spades. i was so excited when i nailed it during the group dance that i was jumping up and down. of course i became fumble feet during my actual audition part but i smiled and was energetic. and i had fun. some of my theatre friends were there as well and we all had a good laugh.

i don't have any high hopes of being cast. i will be lucky if i get a call back. if i do i know that i can impress the director (whom is a friend). but i am sure that i will not be one of the cats. i might still have a shot a Grizabella but more than likely i will just be a backstage singer. oh well. i get 'em next time. meow.

Michael Jackson is to blame

2007-10-08T07:55:00.000-07:00

He's to blame folks. here is the man...er...whatever. i have been forever scarred by this man. and for what he did to me, i can never forgive.

when i was 5 years old, my mom would leave me at the day care center while she was at work. i don't remember very much about this day care center except that it was a group of brown buildings and it was surrounded by pine trees. and there is a "school" smell that i will always associate with that day care center, but i do remember the day that my world came crashing down around me.

my pre-school teacher wanted to have a fun halloween party. i remember that there were pumpkin and bat decorations hanging from the ceiling. and the teachers rolled the t.v. cart over and put in the michael jackson video, Thriller. we were all grouped around t.v. to watch. the next thing that i remember is hiding under a table with my eyes and ears covered, crying, and my mom pulling me out from hiding to take me home. apparently the teachers never noticed that i had run, terrified, from the room and hid in a classroom in a different building. needless to say... my mother, being the caring and saintly woman that she is, switched my day care center and i never had to go back. (incedently, that day care was shut down by child protective services... where my mom works. don't mess with my mom-- she'll put the hurtin' on ya!)

mama says that i was a pretty normal kid up until that point. (despite the fact that i felt the unquenchable desire to wear strange things on my head as hats. bowls... pots... boxs... baskets... the cat.) it was this michael jackson moment that changed me for the worse. after that point i was scared of the dark, monsters and dead people. not long after the day care incident, she was watching mtv and the triller video came on. i remember having a full blown freak-out until my mom changed the channle. soon we moved to Beaumont, Tx and i was enrolled in a new day care. it had the best playground in the world. this is when people just let childern run free on a playground and safety wasn't considered too often. good times. good times. they also took field trips all the time one of which was the weekly trip to the rainbow roller rink. this rink had blacklight painting of the solar system on the back wall and a disco ball. they also had really sticky bathroom floors and orange carpet. we would skate for what felt like hours and there was always a music video break where they would lower the projection screen and show the music video for a popular song. one day they made the horriffic mistake of showing... you guessed it, Thriller. i high tailed it to the back stall of the bathroom and tried to hid behind the toilet. the teacher finally found me but i wouldn't budge untill the video was over. they must have spoken to my mom about it because they let me hide from michael jackson from then on.

fast forward to today. i am 29 years old and i have yet to watch that damn video. i have trouble even looking at pics from the video. i also am terrified of zombies, the monsters under my bed, in my closet or generally lurking about to get me, i can't watch any scary movies and usually need an escort if i go anywhere at night. and you can forget about me taking a shower at night when i am home alone. when i was in college, they all got a big kick out of freaking me out. it was bad enough that it is embarressing to be such a wussy but there were times that i was so siezed by fear that i felt like my heart was going to explode. the worst was my freshman year. we went to the on campus haunted house, which i thought would be fine as i knew most of the students running it. in the first room, i freaked out, hypervenalated, kicked some guy in the balls and had to be carried out. my RA happened to be there and then proceded to excecisize the deamons out of me. she wasn't helping the situation at all. after i calmed down, my freinds and i headed to the theatre to watch a movie on the jumbo screen. and of course, the popular film was scream. damn that scream and it's sequels. needless to say... i didn't sleep well that year. i did everything i knew to do to conquer my fears, but i was just making it worse.

now we head into the halloween season. i love halloween. dressing up and not looking like a lunitic for going out in public is the best. the food, the crisp fall air. i love this time of year. but for me it is a double edge sword. t.v. starts showing more scary movies. and i start walking on egg shells. i still feel the panic rising in me like boiling water just walking into the halloween section at wal-mart. i start taking more baths and less showers because i'm too jumpy and i have an even harder time getting to sleep than normal. this year though, i have my zombie survival guide so i think i will be ready for halloween. all the same, i think that i would rather trick-or-treat at mickey mouse's not so scary halloween party- if it's all the same to you

glutten for punishment

2007-09-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

so. the other day was International Talk Like A Pirate Day, which i was glad to celebrate. i had a wonderful post that included my pirate name (Capt'n Bloody Bess Morgan) and a list of my favorite pirate movies (all the pirate of the caribbean films, princess bride, hook treasure planet, and muppet treasure island) but i tried to get fancy with the photos and lost half of my blog. (grrrrrrr!)

anyway. i have been actually working at work despite what the photo to the left shows. the opening day for the purple cow theatre and i did over $21,000 worth of ticket sales in one day. plus i am sitting naked in front of people again, now that the school year is in full swing. and to top it off, my friend super d called me to understudy some chick in his premire performance show. apparently the chick in question has some butt cyst and had to have it removed, and i am there as a backup. this is all on top of trying to tie up any loose ends in the planning of the wedding between myself and The Boy. the director has me up til 11 and the dog has me up at 6 but i might as well just stay up all night as The Boy and the dog are both bed hogs and i rarely get a good, full nights sleep. so needless to say... i'm weary.

on the brighter side is that i get to wear a tutu and pointe shoes in my latest modeling endevor and i am getting lots of practice crocheting as i sit on my ass at the theatre, watching butt girl traipse across the stage. (she is back from the surgery and is going on in the show but i still have to go to rehearsals, despite the fact that i have no intentions of going on for butt girl.)

so the show is Fame Forever. do you remember the film, Fame? well, there was a stage musical, called Fame, recently made that picks up with the school year after the film. it was tolerable. Fame Forever picks up 20 years later and current students are the kids of the characters in the other musical. toss in a couple of ghosts looking for reincarnation and a forey into the near future and you have it. pure tony gold. blrrugh. this script is the biggest bunch of waffle i have ever read. here is just a sample:

Year- 2014, Setting- performing arts high school

Serena: So you made it (to the 30th class reunion) this time.

Nick: Yeah, I'm on hiatus from my new show. It's this reality show thing.

Serena: "Beyond Space and Time."

Nick: Yeah

Serena: It must be tough, filming on the moon.

Nick: Well, it's... you know what? It is what it is.

you can't get any better than that folks. anyway... the show is cast with folks that i have had the great pleasure of working with in the past and working with them is a pure joy. the choreography is excellent, esp: the tango. sexy. anyway, the show opens in a week and emotions are running high. gotta love those wacky theatre folks. i'll just be glad when it is over so that i can get some sleep.

let me just leave you with an image that i saw the other day. i don't know what it is but it works at the wal-mart and thinks that it is a witch. i can neither confirm nor deny wether it flies on a broom but it weaves nightmares into the dreams of small children and feble-minded.

I like to sit naked in front of people

2007-08-21T06:59:00.001-07:00

but first, before i get into that mess...

my recipe for Chinese food.

1. choose your cat. any cat will do in a pinch but for the best flavor, it's best to be picky. shop around. your taste buds will thank you. it is very important to wash your cat before you start. i can not stress this enough. cleanliness is next to godliness, they say.

2. next, you must dry your cat. this can be tricky as the cat will want to escape. but great meals are created by blood, sweat, tears and a little bit of TLC.

3. the method of carving your cat is up to you. some people will swear by cubed steak, but i prefer fillet strip as the meat can soak up the flavor of the stir fry.

4. finally saute the cat in peanut sauce until it is browned. add you veg of choice and serve with a side of steamed rice.

***no cats were harmed in this blog, although the blogger was hissed at and ignored for the rest of the night by the cat***

fridge magnet poetry: by tat2kitten

her feet caressed my big heavy jelly bottom though he at some family yarn and probed a private golden wiggling sex mess by pleasuring the mischievous naked tiger we spanked on every exquisite night with violent milk and delicious smoke!

now for the actual blog:

i am a figure model (among other things) and i love my job. i'll be the first to admit that i don't have the body of a supermodel. hell, i barely have the body of one of the lesser models that stand next to supermodels hoping the super might rub off on them. now don't get me wrong, i still turn heads; i just don't look like a stick insect. anyway. if you think about it, i have a pretty sweet deal going on here. i get paid fairly well to sit for a length of time. that's it. ok so yeah, i'm naked but it's not like i'm doing anything freaky. it was hard the first time that i had to disrobe. i mean, suddenly people are looking a bits of you that only a spouse would see. and god bless the art students... no one ran from the studio, griping their face, screaming, "my eyes! my eyes!". some of the students are quite good. most... well there is a reason that they are students. some even give me samples of their work. if i like something, i'll ask for it or at least a copy of it. i am proud of the work that i do and am not ashamed to say it. (although it took me a year to be totally honest with the parental units about the type of modeling i do that the art school. as i see it... it is easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.) The Boy doesn't mind. he was an art student at one time and understands that i just sit there. the funniest thing is the dynamic of the relationship with the students. i will sometimes run into students that i have posed for whilst i am out running errands. awkward. here you are standing in the shampoo section of wal-mart and next to you is an art student. it's less awkward running into the professors when i'm out and about. but still, you're like, "this person has seen my bits. nothing left to the imagination. sorry for that." i must say that the art that i have posed for is, in most cases, quite beautiful. very classic art. it makes me feel beautiful. i'll admit that it is frustrating posing for artist that are less practiced. in the same class, you will have a piece that will take your breath away sitting next to a piece that makes you want to go poke out you mind's eye. but the following pieces are me at my most artistic. enjoy.

childhood heros

2007-08-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

everyone has a childhood hero. someone that they want to be like when they grow up. someone that they hang their hopes on. someone that makes them look forward to actually becoming an adult. for some their hero is a sports star like mickey mantle or Wayne Gretzky. The Boy has a couple of heroes. the most surprising is Red Skelton. but my hero is the incomparable Jim Henson. i have never known life without the muppets. when i was little, i watched sesame street and very vaguely remember the muppet show. i do remember when it was in syndication on nickelodeon. and in college i started collecting the muppet show through a time life subscription. i remember watching the dark crystal at my dad's house on every other weekend and how i wanted a landstrider. i don't remember the reason that my mom made up on why i couldn't have one but i am sure that it was a doozy. i liked them because they looked like giant rabbits. i also wanted a fizzgigg as a pet as well. i distinctly remember going to the movies to watch labyrinth with david bowie, because david bowie became my first movie boyfriend. and don't get me started on the muppet movies. the muppet movie, muppets take Manhattan, the great muppet caper and all of the tv specials.

yesterday, the muppet show season 2 was released and i was practically breaking down the door at target to purchase it. season 1 was released 2 years ago and apparently it has taken this long to get the rights to some of the songs or something. so while i knitted, i lost myself in a world of felt and foam rubber. i hit me, while i was watching, that this show was a complete hit and it was done almost completely with puppets. but the fact that kermit, fozzie and miss piggy have become household names is a bit amazing. every child at some point has come across the muppets in some way. whether it is because of sesame street or any of the movies, you would have to be living under a rock or in some hut in the middle of the ozarks cut of from society for like 50 years, to not know who the muppets are. i was talking to a 16 year old from Venezuela and she knew who kermit was. the muppets are a world wide phenomenon and it's all thanks to jim henson.

it was his ability to express love, joy, magic, mayhem and fun through green felt and a painted ping-pong ball cut in half. i rarely grieve the loss of a famous person. i don't know them personally. it may be sad that they have passed but generally it doesn't deeply effect me. i will never forget the day that my mom told me that jim henson died. she had picked me up from my grandparents home, as i would stay there after school. i was in the 5th grade and it was almost the summer break. it was a hot day. we were driving down the street and she said, "i have something that i have to tell you. i'm sorry but jim henson is dead. he died today." i just looked out of the window at the passing shops and i cried. it felt like i had lost my best friend. not long afterwards, there was a tribute show produced by the jim henson company that gave the muppets a chance to say good bye. i just knew that i would never get a chance to be a muppetteer. it never occurred to me that the muppets would go on without their fearless leader. but soldier on they did. with jim henson's now grown kids taking the helm and steve whitmire (rizzo the rat and wembley the fraggle) as the new voice of kermit, the muppets are up to thier old antics. and now with the craze to put everything on dvd, the old muppet shows are getting brushed up and slapsticked onto disk. i'm in heaven. i still have to get a couple of the films on dvd but i have the storyteller episodes, the 1st and 2nd seasons of both muppet show and fraggle rock. muppet movie, muppets take Manhattan and muppet treasure island (tim curry *sigh*), dark crystal and labyrinth all on dvd. there are just a couple more films to add to the collection. now it seems that there is a fabulous new show on TBS called puppet up. take who's line is it anyway, puree with the muppet show and add a spalsh of smut and you have puppet up. i watched it at work and i thought that i was going to fall out of my chair, i was laughing sooooo hard. my supervisor that i want to hit in the head with my shoe was getting upset because she thought that i was having some kind of breathing problem. i was trying to hold in my laughter and being spectacularly lousy at it.

god, those muppetteers are master artisans. i mean if you look at the old episodes you will see kermit tripping onstage, muppets stand from a seated position and tap dance with gene kelly. you gotta appreciate the talent that it takes to work a puppet, sing a song and do some choreography all at the while running around with your arm in the air and trying to not run into anyone else. i want to do that when i grow up. when i was doing my grad work in london, i posed as a staff person from my school and called the henson company in london. i asked if they had an intern program and if so did they have any opening that i could encourage my students (and by my students, i mean me, myself and i) to apply for. she said that there was some office intern positions open. but nothing in the creature shop. damn. my plan was foiled. i should have applied anyway. at least get my foot in the door.

all in all i want to thank jim henson for all the laughter and silliness that he gave me. thank you for teaching me my letters and about friendship with bert and ernnie. thank you for opening my mind to fantasy with the dark crystal and labyrinth. thank you for shaping my sense of humor and giving me the gift of showmanship and that classic vaudevillian acts are still a pleasure and inspiration. thank you for teaching me that it's not easy being green but it what i want to be. thank you for helping me find the rainbow connection. thank you for giving me a lady role model in miss piggy. but most of all thank you for making my world, my imagination and my life just a little bit brighter because the muppets are there.

celebrity bash haiku

2007-07-31T09:59:00.000-07:00

i can't say that i pity her. she has had a copious amount of chances to get on the strait and narrow. i understand that addiction is a bitch but home-slice needs some real help. not promises. that place is a joke. just look at their other "success story", brittney. what she needs is a good stiff jail sentence. not that it did paris that much good, but one can always see the glass half full. i do pity the everyone else in god's green creation, though. family lohan is just too much crazy for this world, or any other, if you ask me. the parents are whacked, the kids... well lets hope that the others learn from their big sis's mistakes and SAY NO TO DRUGS. drugs are bad, m'kay. oh and p.s. lindsey, that whole "those weren't my pants" excuse is right up there with "my alarm didn't go off" and "my dog ate my homework". just thought that you should know :)

God Save The Queen

2007-07-29T11:44:00.001-07:00

now, i was as happy as the next person when may 25 finally arrived. there are some handsom men in that film that needed to be seen again. johnny depp -- loved him since eddie scissorhands and damn! he makes one handsome pirate (bad teeth and all), orlando bloom -- as a pirate he started to grow on me but he will always be legolas to me. but it was not these minor addonis's that made me egar to purchace my ticket. it was (heaven help us)...

mr. geoffrey rush. yes i know. barbossa?!? yes. he captured my imagination in shine. made me laugh in shakespeare in love. and seduced me in quills. yes my friends... i'm a weirdo. but it is his acting and care for his craft that is the alluring bit about him. if i want i bit more eye candy i'll turn to...now i think that this is a much nicer view. say hello to mr. ewan mcgregor. i first laid eyes on ewan in a little film called trainspotting. god love him. this man can do no wrong in my eyes. his was heartbreaking in moulin rouge. and though he is no alec guinness, he was the jedi of my heart in the new star wars. funny thing is... i lived tantilizingly close to him when i was living in london. when i worked at the florist, one of my co-workers used to babysit him and is close family friends with his family. the big cat trainers for the lion used in big fish were in a show with me at one of the theatres i once worked. he and i are fated to meet. i figure that one of two things will happen. either i will be sent to jail for causing some public scene and my ass will be slapped with a restraining order or i will make an utter fool of myself by losing all ability of speach and he'll humor me thinking that i am some "speacial" fan of his. my ex was actually jealous of mr. mcgregor. i rented velvet goldmine, in which ewan shows the world "little ewan". after waving his trouser snake at the camera, the ex paused the video and said, "ok. now you've seen it. so who is sexier? me or him?" "i think you are very sexy, honey." "that's not answering the question." " well, he is sexy if you like that sort of guy." "that still is not answering the question. who is sexier: me or him?" at this point i could tell he was becoming visably upset by my deliberate stalling, so i calmly answered, "you are much sexier than ewan mcgregor." (my fingers were totally crossed) he then smiled and said "thank you" and left the room. as soon as his back was turned, i silently yelled at him, "ewan mcgregor is way more sexier than you, you psyco." but as much as i heart ewan, a small piece of that heart belongs to...

mr. robbie williams. this hunk of man left me breathless as i listen to him on my first sojourn across the pond. i had the best picture of him from the british cosmo. he was going camando in some designer trousers with the fly completely undon and bare-chested. good night, loretta. that photo was hot! i had it up in my dorm at college and was told that i couldn't have it back because it was considered pornographic. damn ra's with ther room checks. so i went to the head of campus houseing, who just happened to be the daughter of the head of tech theatre, and got my pic back. thank you very much. but my real movie boyfriend is...

the incomprable mr. gary oldman. despite the fact that he hardly lives through any of his films, it is his eyes that hold me prisoner. you name the film and i will tell you why he is hot in it. and my favorite depends on my mood. i'm looking forward to the new batman movie. which, apparently, you can't swing a dead cat on set and not hit a uuber hot piece of man flesh. christian bale, heath ledger and gary oldman. be still my heart. speaking of the uuber hot...

how excited am i about this film. it has the old burton standards: johnny depp and lady burton herself, helena bonham carter, but also will have mr. alan rickman (loved him in robbin hood and harry potter and dogma) and sacha baron cohen (ali g and julien, the king of the lemurs). i love the show anyway and am interested to see it portrayed on film and who could do the macabe tale justice other than the man who made goth cool, mr. tim burton.

so i guess, after looking at this list of movie crushes, i have to give a shout out to queen elizabeth II. it is her country that gave us most of this list and i tip my crown to you, liz. p.s. i love your hats!

will someone please save these people from themselves

2007-07-28T13:58:00.000-07:00

Philip Henslowe: Mr. Fennyman, allow me to explain about the theatre business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster. Hugh Fennyman: So what do we do? Philip Henslowe: Nothing. Strangely enough, it all turns out well. Hugh Fenneyman: How? Philip Henslowe: I don't know. It's a mystery.

so. i have been involved with theatre since i was a mere 11 year old young lady. (no? well how about a mere 11 year old precocious loud mouth? better? good. let's proceed.) in the copious years of doing everything from performing as a dancing bar wench in a community theatre production of Oliver to stage managing at a regional theatre in florida, i have learned that the above quote from Shakespeare in Love is the most apt description of the art of live theatre. i was once stage managing a doomed production of Mame that was affectionately called Maimed. to start out with, mame was a little long in the tooth but did a fine job, none the less. vera was played by the biggest diva (who had nothing in the acting department to back up her 'tude. honey, i know that you were the shit when you were young and on some tired old soap opera, but now you're a has-been. sorry for the honesty.) who would periodically refuse to enter the stage from her directed blocking. opening night, mame fell down the grand staircase. a couple of nights later, the drugged up chorus boy in drag got his scrotum twisted in his dance belt. the plantation set toppled onto the cast one night. the ASM had a nervous breakdown and fled the show on the river of profanity spewing from his mouth. the various chorus boys cast were either hurt, quit the show or couldn't dance so there was quite a bit lacking in the big Mame song. it was awful, despite all my efforts to pull it off. but at the end of the night, the show still went on and it has since become fodder for "my theatre story is worse than your theatre story".

i am now under the employ of a city government run performing arts hall. here on the suncoast of florida stands the mighty purple cow. may she survive the tempest now a brewin'. i gratefully took a position with the theatre in the box office. technically i am "just" a city employee. i work 30 to 40 hours a week but because the city is cheep, i am filed under part time work. that is so i can't claim benefits. i essentially am a customer service rep. i find tickets for people and solve minor problems with ticket purchases. my customers rang from avid theatre goers that can name the original cast of pajama game and spout off the number of tonys it grabbed, to the poor soul who only wandered in because they won some tickets from some radio station for being able to identify some merle haggerd song. the other day, i took a call from some woman that wanted tickets to johnny cash's ring of fire. (a show that is based on the music of cash. like Mamma Mia! without the glitter and the platform shoes) the poor woman wanted to know if mr cash would be signing autographs after the show. stifling the urge to shout into the phone that her crazy ass would know the answer to that if she ever read a newspaper, i calmly stated, "ma'am, johnny cash is dead. he won't be able to attend the performance. i'm sorry." "whadda mean he's dead? when did this happen? are you sure?" "it was several years ago and yep, i'm sure." "well... i don't want tickets if i don't get to see the real johnny cash." "that's fine with me, ma'am." or, anytime we sell out of something. "i would like to see {insert some touring show in here}." "i'm sorry. we're sold out." "what do you mean, your sold out?" "i mean that there are no tickets left for this show. they have all been sold." " but i didn't get to buy my tickets." " i'm sorry for that (but i'm really not, and i'm actually laughing)." "but what am i going to do?" "i don't know." "can't you ask somebody else if there are any tickets?" "ma'am, these tickets sold out two weeks ago. there aren't any seats left to sell." "but i really wanted to go." i could keep going but i think that you really get the point. or you get the ones that complain that they bought the tickets for Rent and are now complaining that it was too loud and how were they supposed to know that it was a rock opera. it's like taking your 8 year old to see avenue q just because it has puppets. my customers make me laugh, cry, and die a little inside every time i talk to them.

but worse than the idiot customers is the other staff. the acting theatre director has no theatrical background and was some kinda government businessman before his ass was slapped into the captains chair. the daytime box office supervisor is a mental delinquent that has read every Danielle steel book and, again, has not a clue when it comes to theatre. she went to the crazy house once because her fiancee ran off on her and then 2 months later took his sorry ass back. stupid bitch. she also smells funny. not ha ha funny. more... uh oh funny. like stale pal mals and burnt maxwell house. the night manager is some strange creature that is a terminal yuppie/wanna be hippie. with an ethereal, breathy voice she will justify the purchase of a $30 piece of gourmet cheese at whole foods while ambling about in a simi-graceful way that makes me think of a baby heron trying to walk in grass for the first time. this woman spent 2 weeks in The City and refused to go to any broadway shows. for the sake of jebus -- she works in theatre. wait... at a theatre. meanwhile, all i want to do is lob footwear at both of them. i did, once, try to impale the day supe with a pen. i accidentally hit my best friend instead. so i played it off that i was stretching and lost control of the pen. but my friend knew the truth. (i'm sorry again about that pen thing, jess. hope your new glass eye is working out for you. i swear, it looks totally real.)

well, at least i have a job. and it is a pretty good gig overall. one just needs to vent. better here than actually beaning the day supe over the head with a stiletto.

reeling from grief and elation WARNING!!!! HARRY POTTER SPOILERS!!!!

2007-07-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

so. it is now the wednesday following the release of the much antici...pated final installment of the harry potter series, harry potter and the deathly hollows. i cried and laughed and basically made a fool of myself as i read the book. i also (fearing that i would hear spoilers) tried not to go anywhere that would put me in contact with any other humans. but after two days of generally steady reading, i finished the tome. and it was great. so that being said... let us examine my predictions and see how i did.

Who will die? more like who won't die. jebus! that woman was out for blood when she put pen to paper for this book. surprisingly hagrid survived but only just. i thought that he was done for by the spiders. lupin and tonks were killed in the front lines of battle; which is very upsetting as they just had a son. but since harry is the godfather... he'll take excellent care of the boy. the malfoy's somehow drew the long straw since they were spared. i felt sure that at least lucias would be personally killed by voldy. mr and mrs weasley had a winning hand. although, JK said that arthur was to be killed off by that snake in book 5 and got a 2nd reprieve in this one too. you go, molly weasley! "bitch don't play!" i'm happy that neville not only lived but stood right up to voldy and slayed the snake and then goes on to being a prof at hogwarts. i knew that ginny, ron, hermione and harry would pull through. and i knew that snape, wormtail and voldy would die. (but who didn't know, right?)
Will harry go back to hogwarts? totally on the money. he went back to get the horcrux made of ravenclaw's tiara.
Relationships? ginny and harry hook up in the end. once ron and hermione get their heads out of their own ass's, they end up together. tonks and lupin are married from the get go and even have a kid. bill and fluer have a lovely wedding that is gate crashed by death eaters. no word on madam pince and filtch but i bet they canoodle at the back of the library after the students have all gone to bed.
Deathly Hollows? i wasn't right about it being a place. they actually were the things that can make you the master of death: the elder wand, the resurrection stone and the invisibility cloak. but harry's birthplace does play quite a big role in the book.
Was snape good? of coarse. though, i wish he could have died in battle or something spectacular. and he was totally hot for harry's mom, lily.
Harry a horcrux? i didn't think that it was possible but there it is. i like how it was handled
what are the hocruxs? diary, ring, locket, cup, snake, tiara and harry
Where is the locket? i was right that it was taken by mundungus but wrong on who he gave/sold it too. god, that umbridge woman is soooooo evil. i love it!
Dumbledore's will? he totally had a will and left stuff to not only harry but ron and hermy too
How will harry defeat voldy? i thought that he was a goner when he was hit with the killing curse yet again. but what did i say? harry has it going on. just like the cover of star wars. except with ginny sitting at his feet instead of lea

again, i loved the book. let me know how you liked it. i am going to start reading it again in a couple of days so i can see if i missed anything.

in other news... gary oldman is hot! there i said it. and i feel better for it.

this just in! becks is hot too! i know that this isn't really breaking news but i thought that i would share.

this is a sight that greeted me this morning on the way to work. there is a bright green scrotum hanging there under the licence plate and the text on the window there says "keep 'em swinging". how could i not share this with you. maybe this is the brother/lover of the redneck bad girl.

and now i would like to start a new weekly tradition: Celebrity Bash Haiku. this week i have trained my sights on: Britney Spears

i'm having a slumber party at Jess's house tonight as this is her last night in SRQ before hitting the big time in Arkansas. hope your day is less messy than brit's.

Be still my heart

2007-07-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

some people have been waiting for this day for 10 years. i like to think that i have been waiting for about 8 or 9. the end is near and i can practically taste the antici......pation. i, like my dear friend jess, have stopped reading anything online that could even be remotely connected to the harry potter book. i don't want to face any spoilers, as i have waited far too long to READ IT MYSELF. when the film release was looming, i stopped hounding the net for teasers (since i don't have cable, i hadn't seen any teasers for the film and was curious about how it looked.) now that the book is eleven hours from being released i have stuck my head in the sand and completely ostrich-sized myself from most media. 3 months ago i started re-reading all 6 of the other harry potter books. the first three, i read i like a month. after that... i tried to read more slowly. like only in the bathtub. or only at night before i fell asleep. even then, i still had two weeks to go. i tried to pick up other books, but i couldn't concentrate. so i broke down and bought that mugglenet book about what is going to happen. The Boy thinks i'm a bit mad for buying a book that hypothesises what will happen in a book that hasn't been published yet, written by people that aren't affiliated with the publishing of harry potter. they have some fine ideas about what will occur in the final installment. some i agree with. some i don't. i decided that i would go on the record as to what i think will happen and any questions that i want answered.

who will die in the last harry potter book? well.... i thought long and hard and i'm afraid that Hagrid won't see the end of the series. a poetic death would be if Norbert the Dragon showed back up and in confusion ate Hargid by mistake. i think that Lupin is safe but all the Malfoy's better watch out. Draco pissed off Voldy by not completing his task. Narssissa defied Voldy by telling Snape about it and Daddy Malfoy let Harry escape in OOTP so Voldy is probably still pissed about that. death, thy name is Malfoy. ma and pa Weasley have a 50/50 chance of survival. i have a feeling that it will be Arthur that bites the big one. Neville might meet his maker while dueling with Belletrix, but i think that he will live. ginny, ron hermione and harry all live. Snape will die. Wormtail will die. Voldemort will die.
will harry return to hogwarts? i think so but not to attend school. he will either need the assistance of someone there and go and fetch them or there is a horcrux hidden somewhere at the school and he will need to find it.
which relationships will there be? harry + ginny (despite the fact that he tried to break up with her for her protection, she won't let him go) ron + hermione, lupin + tonks, bill + fluer, filtch + madam pince
what is the Deathly Hollows? i think that it may be a place. the potter's lived at godric hollow and i think that something about that place was made into a horcrux because not only was it harry's home, it also had something to do with godric gryffendore.
is Snape a good guy or a bad guy? good guy. like sirius said, "the world isn't divided into good people and death eaters." i think that he is a good guy that just happens to be a dick. i think that he felt forced to take the unbreakable vow with narssissa to keep up appearances that he is a true death eater. he immediately told dumbledore and dumbledore told him that stopping voldy was more important that anything and that he would take one for the team if he had to. so on orders from dumbledore, snape killed him. i also think that snape will have an important role to play in stopping voldy. he will finally let the facade drop and show his true GOOD colors.
is harry a horcrux? no. i don't think so. i don't know why he has such a connection to voldy, but i don't think it is because he is a horcrux.
what are the horcruxs? the diary, the ring, the cup, the snake, the locket, and something at godric hollow
where is the locket? i think that aberforth, dumbledore's brother, has it. he runs the hog's head and was seen with mundungus fletcher when harry accused fletcher of stealing sirius's stuff. i think that aberforth bought the locket from fletcher intending to hand it over to dumbledore when he got a chance.
did dumbledore have a will? i don't know but i would like to see if he did and did harry inherit anything.
how will harry defeat voldy? don't know but i do know that it will be a battle royal! voldy has ollivander and is having a new wand made for himself because he doesn't want another wand delima like in OOTP. neville will defeat belletrix. snape will "take a bullet" for harry allowing harry to defeat voldy. wormtail will lead harry to the horcurx or tell him how to finally defeat voldy. but in the end, harry will stand battered and torn but victorious over the crumple form of voldemort. i kind of envision it to look like the cover art for star wars.

i know that i will cry and then re-read so as to really soak it all in. i am going to be at the barns and noble tonight at midnight to buy my book. so no one call me tomorrow, i will be reading. i will reemerge sometime saturday afternoon. when you are done with the book, please do not feel the need to speak to me untill i too have finished. text me if you like, but only tell me that you are done. nothing more. if anyone spoils any part of this book for me... i will find you and i will cut you.

Look what i saw today

2007-07-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

i generally keep a weather-eye out for hideous breeches in style and grooming. wal-mart is a perfect place to look at the "best" examples of what not to wear. this weekend, i was reminded that there are many possibilities available at golden coral as well. but this weekend proved to be very plentiful in the amount of white trash vehicles. i was so moved that i thought that i would share. first on our lists of weirdness is this: is it a motorcycle? is it a big wheels tricycle? i don't know. the "gentleman" riding this bastard child of a chopper and a red ryder seemed completely at home on it. dressed in jeans, a tee shirt so faded that it's original color was indiscernible, and a pirate do-rag, he oozed with the self confidence of a lonely model builder that has finally devised a way to ride one of his creations. unfortunately you can't tell from this picture but the wheels have the self spinning rims. next on our cavalcade of curiosities is this little gem:this is the sight that greeted me on sunday morning on my way to breakfast at crackle barrel with The Boy. i had to stop and look at this train wreck. please take the time to notice the bumper that is falling off. also, for your viewing pleasure, the moth eaten curtains of the dead. these funeral shrouds are of a 1970's paisley shaggin-waggon print and are ripped, torn and full of holes. it looks almost like a zombie completely shredded the curtains on this hearse from hell in it's attempt to escape. personally, i like the giant patches of rust speckling the body paint, like open leprous sores. but wait, that's not all... this little beauty was parked next to us at the petsmart.

the eye is naturally drawn to the writing on the windshield that states: "Bad Gurl 4 Lyfe." but not to be missed is the steer horns mounted to the grill. unseen is the back window with a rebel flag tint and the hot pink awareness ribbon that reads "support bad girls". there were just too many items that needed addressing on this... this... horrifying example of white trash on tour. lets explore the highlights, shall we?

Ladies and gentleman... put your hands together for the antenna stripper. this brick house is stacked! with legs to kingdom come and tits you wanna box like suger ray leonard, she is the perfect traveling companion. always ready for a good time, this little lady will shake her money maker every time the wind blows. although her personality is rather plastic, she always up for a dance on your pole. but let's not forget the most important addition to any redneck truck...

there is nothing like genderizing one's vehicle. normally, the custom is to refer to a drivable object as "she". but this truck is all male. i was getting into my scrotumless truck and thought to myself, " if this truck is decorated with all this other crap, i bet it all balls too." and damn if i was right. in order to not take a pic of the tags, i didn't get the horse head hitch cover in the shot, but i think you are starting to get the gist of this trucks owner. speaking of the owner, she came out of her gym class and i quickly took this picture:

shit... i hope i'm that limber when i'm pushing 1,000. i also was able to get a lovely photo of what not to knit. fun fur is wonderful to use as an accessory and/or trim to a garment. but this... it's like she has a g-d tribble perched precariously atop her noggin.

yes, craft store lady. hang your head in shame. no more rainbow fun fur for you. you can't be trusted.

wizard duels and stuff

2007-07-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

so i totally loved the new harry potter movie. as an avid harry potterphile, i was somewhat disappointed in the poetic licence taken by the scriptwrights but overall it was a fine film. most of you that will read this will have already seen the film or don't really care what harry potter is, was or will be. but for those of you that didn't see it yet and do plan to, be warned.... there are spoilers ahead.

as said in prior post, i love gary oldman and once again he didn't disappoint. Dudley was kinda pushing the homo envelope and he can really hussle for a big guy. but i liked the cinematography of the dementor attack. the new dementors were pretty scary and i like the origanl dementors better but these were really good. i really liked the new patronus. the one in POA was dumb. just a bunch of shiny light. this patronus actually looked like a stag. there was quite a bit of condensing to explain how The Order gets harry out and he is informed about the hearing but i was willing to let that slide. tonks isn't what i thought she would look like but i liked her just the same. i thought it was neat how they turned her hair red when she got mad. in my oppinion, there wasn't enough of gary oldman. i wanted the painting of mrs. black to be more... in the movie. the kid playing draco still can't act. shame. you would think that after 5 movies he would have gotten the hang of it now. i missed dolby's involvement and totally disliked that cho chang gave away the DA. the kiss was... much more intense than i thought it would be. i really wanted to see st mungos but they covered themselves with nevil telling harry what was up with is folks. and i loooooooved nevil's moxie when he threatened belletrix. helena was fab as belletrix. kind of a hot mess. a hot crazy mess. always nice to see mr malfoy. i love him for his evil ways. and i can't stress enough how great umbridge was. god, i wanted to slap her from the first tittering giggle to the last panicked scream. and when she slapped harry... welll... as the lady sitting behind me loudly exclaimed, "oh, no she didn't!" oh, no she didn't, indeed. the fake dumbledor did a fine job but he is no richard harris and never will be. it was uuber cool when The Order was white smoke and the Death Eaters were black smoke. i cried over sirius. gary made the death look hot. but he has had lots of practice with dying on screen (see privious post) so overall, it was wonderful and that is all i can say. i'm gonna see it again. and then nit pick it when it is on dvd.

as i was thinking about the wizard duel, i decided to list some of my favorite wizard duels of all time:

10. Mickey vs. The Brooms in Fantaisa. despite the fact that the brooms totally swept the floor with mickey (sorry for the pun), mickey look hot controling the elements

9. Snape vs. Lockheart. watching lockheart totally getting spanked by snape in COS, made me laugh

8. Maleficent vs. Flora, Fauna and Merryweather. the 3 good fairys are more proactive in helping prince phillip than actually stopping the big scary dragon fairy but it's a well played fight.

7. Elphaba vs. Glinda in wicked. i know that they don't "fight" but they do have dueling singing in the song "lothing". you gotta admit, that is one impassioned song.

6. Miracle Max vs. Valerie in the princess bride. neither carol kane nor billy crystle can do no wrong. their argueing is the best part of that movie (except maybe fezik's rhyming)

5. Ursula vs. King Triton. really this is all about ursula being the best baddie ever.

4. Merlin vs. Mad Madam Mim. i liked it when they turned into animals and he defeted her by turning into a germ and making her sick. well played, merlin. well played.

3. The Order vs. The Death Eaters. so much action. visually beautiful. had me on the edge of my seat.

2. Gandolf vs. Sauruman. i liked it when they were beating each other about the face with magic

1. Dumbledor vs. Voldemort. this was truely the best fight ever. the fire and the water and the glass and the sand and the lightening. love it. love it. love it.

yeah!!!! it's harry potter day!!!

2007-07-11T06:44:00.001-07:00

today is the day! well, last night at midnight was actually the day. i have had this premiere on my calender for months. ok, yeah, i'm a big fat nerd. but i don't care.

i was very lucky to have been in London for the premiere of the first harry potter film. and i actually was in a preview audience for it. i was killing some time before i had to be at the theatre that night for a show that i was stage managing and happened across a bunch of people in line at the cinema. "what are you waiting for?" i asked. "harry potter." now as a huge fan of the books i got in line as well and enjoyed the film completely. so when i got to the theatre that night, i was the most popular girl in school because i got to see the movie before anyone else.

now, i have gone to every film opening at the midnight showing until this one. i foolishly didn't take off work and had to be there this moring. but after work... i am totally going. Order of the Phoenix is one of my favorite books (i even have my hardcover autographed by the illustrator.) so i have had some high expectations for this movie. plus Sirius Black is one of my very favorite characters, played by one of my very favorite actors -- gary oldman. he's my movie boyfriend. i really don't want to see my movie boyfriend die in yet another movie. Gary Oldman, please for the love of god, pick a role that doesn't lead to the charactors untimely death. Just once, Gary, i want to see you live! that is all i ask. in rosencrantz you were hung; in 5th element you were blown up; in imortal beloved you died within the 1st five minutes (although the whole film was a memory film), in dracula you were stabed by a bad actress through the heart; and now with sirius you're gonna fall through some mysterious whispering vail. my heart can't take much more. i know that i will cry, so i plan to wear my waterproof mascara. p.s. gary oldman, you look uuber hot with those tattoos on your chest as Sirius.

yes. i will also be attending the harry potter party for the next book but i shall blog on the book later.

reality vs. illusion

2007-07-10T06:18:00.000-07:00

i love my mom. she is the picture of grace and loveliness that most women aspire to. she also has one of the sickest sense of humor and i blame her for my fragil mental state.

let me explain. in the arts (theatre, dance, art, lit, film) there is something called the suspention of disbelife. this is how the "magic" of the cinema/stage/whatever happens. we (the audience/reader/whatever) allows ourselves to "believe" that what is happening is real. for example... Finding Nemo. there are no talking fish; fish don't have eyelids; no father fish would swim halfway across the ocean to find his son; puffer fish would have eaten the other fish in that tank; not all drains lead to the ocean; and in all my months of hand feeding pelicans, have i ever seen a pelican that won't at least try to eat a fish that is put in it's mouth. the only things that i could say were realistic are that clown fish really aren't funny and that seagulls probably really are saying "mine." but we the audience choose to believe all these things and enjoy a fine pixar film.

why, you may ask, did i have to go through all that? and what about my mama and my mental state? well... last night The Boy and i were watching Clash of the Titans. wonderful film. thank you mr harryhousen! and i got to thinking about the first time that i watched it with my mom. i distinctly remember turning to her (mind you, i was like 5 years old at the time) and asking her if i could have the pegasus. she looked down at me with all the love of the world in her eyes and said, "no, you know that i am allergic to horses. besides, we live in a townhome. where would he live?" i'm sure that she thought that she was being very funny at the time. notice that she didn't say, "no, you stupid kid, it's not real." another time, we were watching Star Wars Empire Strikes Back. i asked if i could have a Ton Ton (that half ram, half furry dinosaur looking thing on the ice planet). i wanted one because han solo had one, and if it was good enough for han, it was good enough for me. anyway, again my mom (the picture sweetness and apple pie) said, "i don't think you can have a ton ton. they live on the ice planet and we live in texas. it would be far too hot for them." she also gave the the bologna about us living in a townhome and not having a place to keep it. does anyone else see a trend here? every mytical creature i would want as a pet, i was told the same thing. not that they weren't real but some excuse for not being able to keep it. so well into my childhood, i still thought that they were actual animals that could be owned under the right condtions. i remember making a golden bridle out of yarn and sitting in the yard for hours trying to lure a unicorn to me. or watching my grandmothers azalea bushes for signs of fairies.

but i guess it isn't all bad. i have a great imagination that i try to put to good use daily. cast members love when i am in the audience of a show because i am completely willing to get totally into the action of the play. The Boy gets a kick out of watching me watch movies (i.e. cry alot at the sad parts). so i figure that i will thank her next time i talk to her, although i have a feeling that she is still laughign about the time she said that i couldn't have a dragon because our house was a wooden house and the dragon would probably burn it down. damn, sicko lady.

Once upon a time...

2007-07-09T07:04:00.000-07:00

so i've been wanting to post a blog for quite some time and i think that the time is ripe for it now. i have a lot to say and express and what better way to do so than to just lay it all out there for everyone to see.

for those who don't know me, i am an actress of sorts, who spends most of her time burning payroll at her day job. i've been fortunate to have had a myriad of odd jobs that include but are not restricted to: nude modeling for artist, a zookeeper, a kennel technician, waitressing (once. it didn't end well for any of the parties involved), telemarketer, answering service operator, office assistant, retail, product spokesperson, data entry, and once while i worked in a city hall office, i got to name a street. that was cool.

i like: cats, the ocean (but not the beach-- beaches smell funny), laughing until i cough like a TB sufferer, chocolate, england, not capitalizing, reading so late into the night that my eyes get blurry, buying gifts, having money to buy gifts, baking, mocking people at walmart, singing a song, reading harry potter (even though i am almost 30 and i have already read the books enough times to be able to quote most of the chapters, openly making fun of my supervisors without them realizing it, jam on buttered toast, kissing, cold nights and warm blankets, farmers markets, the fur between my cat's toes, my dog's ears, when my dog knocks things over when she wags her tail, car dancing, moderate PDA, green lights, blankets with the silky edging on them, free samples, creativity, colorful artwork, mocking the rich and beautiful, dancing with The Boy in the checkout line at the supermarket, big cat rescues, butterflies, baby ducks, goats, movies so good that i cry, magic shows, painted toenails, cultural references in film and tv, interesting rocks, when you can feel the base inside your chest at a rock concert, opening nights, well tuned pianos, children who dance in public, pixar movies, disneyworld on a rainy day, misty mornings, a nice cuppa, smell of leather and shiny things.

things that i do not like: the inside of a car on a 100+ degree day, uneducated opinions, dumb email forwards, canned spinach, beaches that smell funny, being attacked by a shark, the shower scene in psycho, monkey poop, parents who won't stop their children from screaming in public, the busy tone, bosses with lower education than me, aggressive customer service people, sticky hands, humidity, girls too big to wear the tiny clothes they have on (although i do like to mock them and secretly photograph them with my phone so as to humor my friends with later), spiderwebs on my face, burned food (esp eggs), needlessly long lines at the store, poorly performed Shakespeare, and sometimes...the post office.

i'll update this blog as much as possible with photos and whatnots to entertain and delight. my two new favorite games are: Look What I Saw At Wal-mart Today! and Guess The Gender! fun for the whole family. stick around... there's more to come