well, kids...
i'm back in retail. and i am back at a book store. bonus. as some of you may know, i once worked at a book store chain and left for weird circumstances. but that is all behind me now as i have a great job, which i thoroughly enjoy at a new book store chain. and i'm not just saying all that because my boss might read my blog. i've said it before... working at a book store is great if you are at customer service because everyone that comes in the store assumes that you have read all the books that you sell. they ask you in almost reverent tones where they too might find a book which could offer them such enlightenment. it's like you are a librarian that doesn't shout at people for being too loud. sometimes you will have a customer that is stupefied that you can't find "that book with the word blue in the title that that guy on the radio was talking about this morning" "well, what radio station, ma'am?" "oh, i don't know. my kids were listening to it." and of course the that is the only information that they have to give. let me just say... i'm good, but i'm not that good. i once had a woman ask me to find "that book with the word wolf in the title". it wasn't about wolves but had a wolf on the cover. do you know how many books have the word "wolf" in the title? after scrolling through about 64 titles, i gave up and told her to just call when she had more info. on my first day at my new job, i had someone ask me for the "new" bram stoker novel. stoker died in 1912. i don't think that he has had anything published in a while. i have a friend who worked for the same company as myself and he had a frustrated woman that wanted a specific edition of the new testament. i say frustrated because at reaching her wits end in not finding what she wanted, turned to him and asked pleadingly, "when did they start putting the old and new testaments together?" oh, i don't know, like 300 AD. god, i love those strange few customers that give my blog fodder.
i've only been working at the store for a little less than a month, but already i have had some folks that defy normalcy. there is one guy that used to hang out at my old bookstore that now hangs out at my new bookstore. that man gives me the heebie jeebies. to me, he looks like what i imagine gollum would have looked like if instead of lurking in the depths of the misty mountains, had moved to a trailer park and eaten twinkies while he fondled "the precious". needless to say, i tend to stay on the other side of the store when i see this fellow. i'm sure he's nice but i tend to judge on my instincts and my instincts tell me to run away, run away! we have our share of oddballs, sure. like the old guys that buy a readers digest, paula dean's newest cookbook and the best of lesbian erotica of 2008. or the emo kids that think that they look very individualistic but actually look like the other group of emo kids that just left, who looked like the other emo kids that were there the night before. there is always at least one parent, every shift, that can not or will not control their child/ children. and there is at least one perv (probably trailer park gollum) that leaves random bits of porn all over the store. thank god, i like my co-workers
that is the thing about retail... it is a lot easier to get through a shift when you enjoy working with the staff. my last bookstore had a fun group of booksellers but the manager was difficult and looked like a giraffe. not that she was difficult because she looked like a giraffe, but she did and she was. i don't know what her deal was but she always seemed to not like me. it happens. i was good at my job, great at upselling, gift co-ordinating, and customer service but i was never "good enough" to achieve the employee of the month. and it was obvious to the entire staff that she purposely skipped me every month. so i took it upon myself to buy a oversized novelty button that read, "employee of the month" and wore it under my name tag. if anyone congratulated me on my "achievement" i would politely explain that it was a joke and that the actual EOTM was whomever it happened to be at that time. everyone would laugh and i would carry on with my work. perhaps my sassiness is why i no longer work there. this group i've now joined seem to be able to take a bit of sass and dish out some of their own. thank god. it's just a job, not life or death. they are just books. in the end all will be ok, so just work hard and enjoy it, eh?
but i guess that is the most important part of having a job. to enjoy. i don't work in offices because, i am too much of a free spirit. i get bored and then i get feisty, then i get fired. i have worked so many places (one of the many drawbacks of working in theatre professionally -- you have to supplement your income somehow.) but i find that doing a job where i get to assist people in some way, i like to think that i excel (or at least am kinda good). i enjoy the environment of being surrounded by books. i may not be much of a writer but i can absorb the power of the written word from the great minds that have gone before and paved the way for the next tolkin, Shakespeare, rowling and dickens. the next great name in literature may frequent my store and just maybe i will be the one that leads them to the book that fuels the flames of their literary career. the next Pulitzer prize winning author may be standing on the other side of the counter from me. watch it be trailer park gollum. *skeevy*
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
high diddle lee dee, an actors life for me
so. i haven't posted anything in a long while and for that i am sorry. i'm doing a show and am neck deep in The Producers. i have loved the show ever since i first saw it and thankfully this show hasn't changed that. that will happen sometimes... you see a show and fall in love with it and then by happy circumstance, you are able to work on that same show. something unpleasant happens during the run and now the show is ruined for you forever. happens all the time.
i have been unusually casualty free during the run (knock on wood) so i have enjoyed it pretty well. the last show i did, i fell down a flight of stairs. i was bruised but generally ok. the show before that, i got sick and had to be mic'ed and still couldn't be heard. i've fallen off stages, walked into sets, been run over by set pieces. i'm clumsy. what can i say.
ok so here is the deal. i have to get something off my chest right now. but it is a long and sad tale of deceit and treachery within the world of theatre. hold on to your butts, cause here we go.
several years ago, i was hired by a great director to stage manage his new play which he was taking to a competition (which we won best drama, btw). the theatre that was hosting our rehearsals was also premiering the new play prior to the competition, so i spent a lot of time there. apparently, all the hard work that i was putting in for this show had not gone unnoticed by the TD of the theatre, who it so happens needed a SM for his production of West Side Story. i love that show so when he asked if i was interested, i jumped at the chance. that and you never know when you next gig will come along so best to take it when you can. i did the run with the new play, went to competition, came home and started working on west side. when i went into the artistic dir office to sign the paper work and contracts and what have you, i let them know that if they like the work that i do, i would be willing to set up as the house stage manager. you know, stage manage most of the shows and the ones that i couldn't, coordinate the finding and training of stage managers. i would be on staff. they seemed up for my suggestion and told me that they while they couldn't hire me on staff at that time, the budget meeting would be soon and it would be discussed then. until that time, would i consider "volunteering" with other shows to make sure that i fit in with the other staff and the theatre as a whole. that sounded fine to me as i was volunteering to do spot op and shit like that, not stage manage.
West Side Story was a hit and i felt really good about the production as a whole. after it closed, i upheld my part of the bargain by running spots, set painting during the day and generally being available for what needed to be done. then i met The Bob's.
The Bob's are a local theatre couple that are both named bob and direct, choreograph and support the local theatres. everyone around this damn town acts like the bob's opinion is the be all and end all of theatre as a whole. i had never heard of them before moving here. anyway, the bob's were tag teaming Zorba. one bob was directing the other was stage manager. i was asked to be the assistant SM/deck crew chief (the DCC is in charge of the stage crew and makes sure that everything on the stage is taken care of). i was told that i didn't really need to come to rehearsals until they moved on stage (meaning that the rehearsals took place in a rehearsal room and i wasn't needed until there was set and stuff to worry about) no prob, just let me know when you want me. i was in and out of rehearsals all the time, making sure i was aware of the show. once the cast started rehearsing on stage, i brought my notebook and really got down to business. i had cues written as a back up, set changes choreographed and various lists of rails and props and other whatnots that are needed to be recorded for big shows like zorba. i am a great assistant.
one thing you should know about the bob's is... they will call a rehearsal for certain times and if they don't finish what they had planned for rehearsal, they will keep going. that sounds great doesn't it. well, when you want to run act one and you aren't past the 4th scene and it's already 10:30 at night and you have kids in the cast and the cast as a whole is volunteer and were told that rehearsal would end at 10 and the director is yelling for the next scene and most of the cast has left of their own accord because they have work in the morning... well as you can imagine, it's not fun. that sort of thing happened all the time, i was running late for my PAYING job because of my VOLUNTEERING at the theatre. i told the bob's that i had to leave. rehearsal should have ended an hour and a half before and i had to go to my job. well they threw the biggest hissy fit ever and then said i could go. i'm all for the show must go on and crap, but i have to pay my bills and stuff.
shit like that went on the whole time we rehearsed. then the day before the show, i get a call on my cell from one of the bob's (some people call him bad bob) he informs me that since i can't seem to get along with the cast (that was news to me, since about half the cast was people with whom i had worked many times and with whom i enjoyed doing shows) that they were going to let me go as the assistant SM. and would i bring my prompt book to the theatre that afternoon so the new stage manager could take over. who did they get to replace me? some guy that had been hanging around the theatre for the last week. i thought that he was a family member of one of the cast members but no... he was there to watch me so that he could usurp my position. ass. i tried to say that they technically couldn't fire me as i was unpaid. but bob just said that they didn't want me there. so with a heavy heart, i took my prompt book to the theatre and left it at my station. i picked up my personal items and left.
come to find out after all was said and done... that pretty boy that took over my show was hired as a house SM. the artistic dir basically used me for free labor with a staff job as a carrot. after all was said and done, i tried to be as professional and kind to the bob's. i figured that they were just caught in the middle of the drama and couldn't be faulted. besides everyone around here thinks that they are really important so, might as well stay on their good side.
i have now learned that the bob's have been telling people that i quit the show and left them in the lurch. that is fucking bullshit. and anyone who knows me, knows that i have never done such a thing because it isn't in my nature to do so. the time for caring and placating those assholes is over. as much as i want to be petty and make all sorts of comment about them, i won't but know this. the bob's can lick my lizard.
(and that goes for jason brener, too. i don't like him in any way. not romantically, not friendly, not professionally. and he better stop telling people that i have romantic interests in him or i will gleefully kick his ass. and i mean that literally. i will do him physical harm if he doesn't shut his howling screamer.)
i just had to get all that off my chest and now i fell better.
i have been unusually casualty free during the run (knock on wood) so i have enjoyed it pretty well. the last show i did, i fell down a flight of stairs. i was bruised but generally ok. the show before that, i got sick and had to be mic'ed and still couldn't be heard. i've fallen off stages, walked into sets, been run over by set pieces. i'm clumsy. what can i say.
ok so here is the deal. i have to get something off my chest right now. but it is a long and sad tale of deceit and treachery within the world of theatre. hold on to your butts, cause here we go.
several years ago, i was hired by a great director to stage manage his new play which he was taking to a competition (which we won best drama, btw). the theatre that was hosting our rehearsals was also premiering the new play prior to the competition, so i spent a lot of time there. apparently, all the hard work that i was putting in for this show had not gone unnoticed by the TD of the theatre, who it so happens needed a SM for his production of West Side Story. i love that show so when he asked if i was interested, i jumped at the chance. that and you never know when you next gig will come along so best to take it when you can. i did the run with the new play, went to competition, came home and started working on west side. when i went into the artistic dir office to sign the paper work and contracts and what have you, i let them know that if they like the work that i do, i would be willing to set up as the house stage manager. you know, stage manage most of the shows and the ones that i couldn't, coordinate the finding and training of stage managers. i would be on staff. they seemed up for my suggestion and told me that they while they couldn't hire me on staff at that time, the budget meeting would be soon and it would be discussed then. until that time, would i consider "volunteering" with other shows to make sure that i fit in with the other staff and the theatre as a whole. that sounded fine to me as i was volunteering to do spot op and shit like that, not stage manage.
West Side Story was a hit and i felt really good about the production as a whole. after it closed, i upheld my part of the bargain by running spots, set painting during the day and generally being available for what needed to be done. then i met The Bob's.
The Bob's are a local theatre couple that are both named bob and direct, choreograph and support the local theatres. everyone around this damn town acts like the bob's opinion is the be all and end all of theatre as a whole. i had never heard of them before moving here. anyway, the bob's were tag teaming Zorba. one bob was directing the other was stage manager. i was asked to be the assistant SM/deck crew chief (the DCC is in charge of the stage crew and makes sure that everything on the stage is taken care of). i was told that i didn't really need to come to rehearsals until they moved on stage (meaning that the rehearsals took place in a rehearsal room and i wasn't needed until there was set and stuff to worry about) no prob, just let me know when you want me. i was in and out of rehearsals all the time, making sure i was aware of the show. once the cast started rehearsing on stage, i brought my notebook and really got down to business. i had cues written as a back up, set changes choreographed and various lists of rails and props and other whatnots that are needed to be recorded for big shows like zorba. i am a great assistant.
one thing you should know about the bob's is... they will call a rehearsal for certain times and if they don't finish what they had planned for rehearsal, they will keep going. that sounds great doesn't it. well, when you want to run act one and you aren't past the 4th scene and it's already 10:30 at night and you have kids in the cast and the cast as a whole is volunteer and were told that rehearsal would end at 10 and the director is yelling for the next scene and most of the cast has left of their own accord because they have work in the morning... well as you can imagine, it's not fun. that sort of thing happened all the time, i was running late for my PAYING job because of my VOLUNTEERING at the theatre. i told the bob's that i had to leave. rehearsal should have ended an hour and a half before and i had to go to my job. well they threw the biggest hissy fit ever and then said i could go. i'm all for the show must go on and crap, but i have to pay my bills and stuff.
shit like that went on the whole time we rehearsed. then the day before the show, i get a call on my cell from one of the bob's (some people call him bad bob) he informs me that since i can't seem to get along with the cast (that was news to me, since about half the cast was people with whom i had worked many times and with whom i enjoyed doing shows) that they were going to let me go as the assistant SM. and would i bring my prompt book to the theatre that afternoon so the new stage manager could take over. who did they get to replace me? some guy that had been hanging around the theatre for the last week. i thought that he was a family member of one of the cast members but no... he was there to watch me so that he could usurp my position. ass. i tried to say that they technically couldn't fire me as i was unpaid. but bob just said that they didn't want me there. so with a heavy heart, i took my prompt book to the theatre and left it at my station. i picked up my personal items and left.
come to find out after all was said and done... that pretty boy that took over my show was hired as a house SM. the artistic dir basically used me for free labor with a staff job as a carrot. after all was said and done, i tried to be as professional and kind to the bob's. i figured that they were just caught in the middle of the drama and couldn't be faulted. besides everyone around here thinks that they are really important so, might as well stay on their good side.
i have now learned that the bob's have been telling people that i quit the show and left them in the lurch. that is fucking bullshit. and anyone who knows me, knows that i have never done such a thing because it isn't in my nature to do so. the time for caring and placating those assholes is over. as much as i want to be petty and make all sorts of comment about them, i won't but know this. the bob's can lick my lizard.
(and that goes for jason brener, too. i don't like him in any way. not romantically, not friendly, not professionally. and he better stop telling people that i have romantic interests in him or i will gleefully kick his ass. and i mean that literally. i will do him physical harm if he doesn't shut his howling screamer.)
i just had to get all that off my chest and now i fell better.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
we're not ganna pay rent!
(30 year old me again. this post is mostly about me seeing rent. so if you haven't seen it: 1. where have you been? under a rock?!? 2. spoiler alert.)
Sept 6, 1998 @ 9:40
angel was backlit during his solo in "contact" and you could see his "little friend" in silhouette. roger was getting read to do his musetta's waltz in "la vie boheme" and accidental strummed during mimi and benny's confrontation. Collins was so fun loving and playful. you could tell who was an american and who wasn't. the chorus took their solos a lot slower. it was actually kinda cute. i think out of all the times i've seen this show, this was my favorite. adam and anthony were the best mark and roger (well, they were the originals. god, my 19 year old self is dumb) but i did like the interaction between mark and joanne from the us national tour better. wilson jermaine heredia was the best angel although the nyc angel was good too. the nyc joanne was the best and tour collins was very good. but i just love the angel/ collins relationship. you could really see the chemistry between them. the nyc maureen was better but the london girl was good. nyc homeless were better but london's alexi darling was so funny!
friday night, on the tube, some guy tried to ask me out on a date. he looked like a sane version of john malkovitch (i totally do not remember this incident). now to hampton court. it seems to me that a lot of pavement is wasted because they drive on the other side of the road. (what the hell does that mean?)
Sept 6 @ 2:54 (how do you like these exact times, eh?)
hampton court gardens are very pretty. there were some canadian geese and ducks and swans. there were carriage rides and one carriage was being pulled by what looked like Frisian horses (the horse from Ladyhawk. i love that movie and i love that breed of horse). one of the swans attacked my shoe and i feed the geese by hand (i go half way around the world to the court of king henry the 8th and all i can talk about is feeding the ducks. bless) the gardens were very romantic; made you want to be in a couple. i got lost in the maze (there is a maze made of shrubbery. it was so fun). i went through it with dori and mel and some other harlaxton students. all of us got confused (big surprise there) but dori made it out first. so the rest of us played marco polo to find our way out. kevin would have liked the maze. wish he were here.
Sept 6, 1998 @ 9:40
angel was backlit during his solo in "contact" and you could see his "little friend" in silhouette. roger was getting read to do his musetta's waltz in "la vie boheme" and accidental strummed during mimi and benny's confrontation. Collins was so fun loving and playful. you could tell who was an american and who wasn't. the chorus took their solos a lot slower. it was actually kinda cute. i think out of all the times i've seen this show, this was my favorite. adam and anthony were the best mark and roger (well, they were the originals. god, my 19 year old self is dumb) but i did like the interaction between mark and joanne from the us national tour better. wilson jermaine heredia was the best angel although the nyc angel was good too. the nyc joanne was the best and tour collins was very good. but i just love the angel/ collins relationship. you could really see the chemistry between them. the nyc maureen was better but the london girl was good. nyc homeless were better but london's alexi darling was so funny!
friday night, on the tube, some guy tried to ask me out on a date. he looked like a sane version of john malkovitch (i totally do not remember this incident). now to hampton court. it seems to me that a lot of pavement is wasted because they drive on the other side of the road. (what the hell does that mean?)
Sept 6 @ 2:54 (how do you like these exact times, eh?)
hampton court gardens are very pretty. there were some canadian geese and ducks and swans. there were carriage rides and one carriage was being pulled by what looked like Frisian horses (the horse from Ladyhawk. i love that movie and i love that breed of horse). one of the swans attacked my shoe and i feed the geese by hand (i go half way around the world to the court of king henry the 8th and all i can talk about is feeding the ducks. bless) the gardens were very romantic; made you want to be in a couple. i got lost in the maze (there is a maze made of shrubbery. it was so fun). i went through it with dori and mel and some other harlaxton students. all of us got confused (big surprise there) but dori made it out first. so the rest of us played marco polo to find our way out. kevin would have liked the maze. wish he were here.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
for the love...
there is a phenomenon that has been present in theatre ever since the first production, though i don't have any proof. this quite common occurrence is what as know as the inevitable Theatre Crush. everyone has experienced it at some time or another and casts from now until the last curtain falls on the final show will have lingering effects of it.
it goes without saying that when you throw a group of people into a confined space under stressful circumstances, a variety of relationships will emerge. most are quite harmless and innocent. i, personally, tend to look after the younger members of my casts and end up becoming a older sister figure to some of them. there are strong bonds of friendship that are formed with dressing roommates as you prepare for the night's performance. these people with whom you share the stage, have to have your trust and have earned yours as well. you have laughed at each other, cried together in stress and loss, nursed your wounds and celebrated the triumph of another opening night. it stands to reason that your cast is emotionally linked to you and you to them. unfortunately, as is with most casts, after the final performance your friendships slowly fades. you never mean for it to happen but it always does. then you are cast in a new show and new bonds twine themselves around your heart. sometimes, if you are lucky, your former castmates will join you in the new show but it is never the same as it was before. each show is unique, like catching lightening in a bottle, and for that reason the relationships formed are precious.
now. that is all very well and good and platonic but what of the little theatre romances that crop up in every show. we are all guilty of having a little crush here or there. perhaps it starts as admiration. "man, she has such a beautiful singing voice" or "oh, he speaks shakespeare so eloquently." then that admiration morphs into a crush of sorts.
my first theatre crush was on a young man named, steven phillips. he and i did several shows together growing up. his whole family, sans father, did shows at the local community theatre. what a hot mess that family was. the father was a preacher at a local church and the mother was a slut who wore her 13 year old daughter's clothes. her actions forced the church people to ask the preacher to resign because she was such an embarrassment. the 13 year old daughter was a sweet girl but rather vapid. the youngest son was concentrated evil and then there was steven. cute, as far as i was concerned, charming and mischievous, steven was big ol' fish in tiny ass pond. we were rehearsing Carnival and i started to develop a little crush on him. one of our rehearsals fell on valentine's day and when i arrived at the theatre, steven handed me a box of candy, a bouquet of flowers and a teddy bear. then he proceeded to tell me that he had a crush on one of the chorus girls, a pretty girl but one of the biggest idiots i have ever met, and would i give her the gifts because he was too shy to give them to her himself. sure. no problem. would you also like my heart roasted on a spit while you're at it? so needless to say, i learned early on not to hang too much hope on a theatre crush.
the best example i have of theatre crushes on awry is from my days in college theatre. but as i don't have permission from one of the main players to tell the story of The Great Backstage Relationship Explosion and i do not wish to embarrass said person, you'll just have to ask me individually. i am more than willing to tell you because i love telling this story.
so for all those in theatre, the men and women kicking their own asses to produce the best damn show you've ever seen, i raise my glass. find comfort where you may, cherish those with whom you work and if you are lucky to have your theatre crush returned-- enjoy stolen kisses, for those are the sweetest.
it goes without saying that when you throw a group of people into a confined space under stressful circumstances, a variety of relationships will emerge. most are quite harmless and innocent. i, personally, tend to look after the younger members of my casts and end up becoming a older sister figure to some of them. there are strong bonds of friendship that are formed with dressing roommates as you prepare for the night's performance. these people with whom you share the stage, have to have your trust and have earned yours as well. you have laughed at each other, cried together in stress and loss, nursed your wounds and celebrated the triumph of another opening night. it stands to reason that your cast is emotionally linked to you and you to them. unfortunately, as is with most casts, after the final performance your friendships slowly fades. you never mean for it to happen but it always does. then you are cast in a new show and new bonds twine themselves around your heart. sometimes, if you are lucky, your former castmates will join you in the new show but it is never the same as it was before. each show is unique, like catching lightening in a bottle, and for that reason the relationships formed are precious.
now. that is all very well and good and platonic but what of the little theatre romances that crop up in every show. we are all guilty of having a little crush here or there. perhaps it starts as admiration. "man, she has such a beautiful singing voice" or "oh, he speaks shakespeare so eloquently." then that admiration morphs into a crush of sorts.
my first theatre crush was on a young man named, steven phillips. he and i did several shows together growing up. his whole family, sans father, did shows at the local community theatre. what a hot mess that family was. the father was a preacher at a local church and the mother was a slut who wore her 13 year old daughter's clothes. her actions forced the church people to ask the preacher to resign because she was such an embarrassment. the 13 year old daughter was a sweet girl but rather vapid. the youngest son was concentrated evil and then there was steven. cute, as far as i was concerned, charming and mischievous, steven was big ol' fish in tiny ass pond. we were rehearsing Carnival and i started to develop a little crush on him. one of our rehearsals fell on valentine's day and when i arrived at the theatre, steven handed me a box of candy, a bouquet of flowers and a teddy bear. then he proceeded to tell me that he had a crush on one of the chorus girls, a pretty girl but one of the biggest idiots i have ever met, and would i give her the gifts because he was too shy to give them to her himself. sure. no problem. would you also like my heart roasted on a spit while you're at it? so needless to say, i learned early on not to hang too much hope on a theatre crush.
the best example i have of theatre crushes on awry is from my days in college theatre. but as i don't have permission from one of the main players to tell the story of The Great Backstage Relationship Explosion and i do not wish to embarrass said person, you'll just have to ask me individually. i am more than willing to tell you because i love telling this story.
so for all those in theatre, the men and women kicking their own asses to produce the best damn show you've ever seen, i raise my glass. find comfort where you may, cherish those with whom you work and if you are lucky to have your theatre crush returned-- enjoy stolen kisses, for those are the sweetest.
Monday, October 27, 2008
happy anniversary
today is my first anniversary. i was surprised with breakfast in bed by my husband. i plan to surprise him with a clean house when he gets off work. moments like anniversaries tend to make one stop and reflect and dream about the possibilities of the future.
the three years that Himself and i have been together have been so rewarding and blessed. though we don't have a perfect financial portfolio (hell, we don't have a portfolio at all, just a savings account) we have a nice apartment, wonderful pets and loving families that encourage and support us. some say that the 1st year is the hardest. i don't know if this is true but i'm certainly looking forward to what life has in store for us. god willing, we will move to Texas in the spring and start the next phase of our family -- kids. yeah, that aught to be interesting. the children of a nude model/actress and a magician/massage therapist... our kids are gonna be little freaks. but cultured freaks.
i am watching The Slipper and the Rose (#1 of my romance movies) and i was just thinking that relationships are so weird. one incident, usually insignificant, can make or break a relationship. a well placed word can make the girl say yes to a date. one misplaced word can get you a slap on the face and you never see her again. and what of those chance meetings. the held gaze of a stranger while in line at the bank or the slight electrifying touch when passing a pen to the person next to you on the train. is it fate or destiny or the hand of God that orchestrates this dance of love that we all are called to participate. why are some of the worst dancers always with partners when the best dancer on in the ballroom is left standing as a wallflower. i don't understand it anymore than the next person but i am finally content with the hand i was dealt. granted... life is not all peaches and cream. it never will be but it is the moments of perfection that make the journey worth the stumbles.
the three years that Himself and i have been together have been so rewarding and blessed. though we don't have a perfect financial portfolio (hell, we don't have a portfolio at all, just a savings account) we have a nice apartment, wonderful pets and loving families that encourage and support us. some say that the 1st year is the hardest. i don't know if this is true but i'm certainly looking forward to what life has in store for us. god willing, we will move to Texas in the spring and start the next phase of our family -- kids. yeah, that aught to be interesting. the children of a nude model/actress and a magician/massage therapist... our kids are gonna be little freaks. but cultured freaks.
i am watching The Slipper and the Rose (#1 of my romance movies) and i was just thinking that relationships are so weird. one incident, usually insignificant, can make or break a relationship. a well placed word can make the girl say yes to a date. one misplaced word can get you a slap on the face and you never see her again. and what of those chance meetings. the held gaze of a stranger while in line at the bank or the slight electrifying touch when passing a pen to the person next to you on the train. is it fate or destiny or the hand of God that orchestrates this dance of love that we all are called to participate. why are some of the worst dancers always with partners when the best dancer on in the ballroom is left standing as a wallflower. i don't understand it anymore than the next person but i am finally content with the hand i was dealt. granted... life is not all peaches and cream. it never will be but it is the moments of perfection that make the journey worth the stumbles.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
London Calling
(i was going to do a new post today but i believe that i will save it for tomorrow, since tomorrow is my one year anniversary. so with your indulgence we will pick up the story of 19 year old tat2kitten as she goes on about london and kevin and other whatnots.)
Sept 5 @ 11:16 pm
i am soaking in the bathtub (quite literally. i do all my best thinking in the bathtub and will go out of my way to make a small haven for myself in the bathroom. i will usually have a nice long soak amongst mountains of bubbles and accompanied by my book de joure {hey jess, de jouer means bubble baths}, my beverage of choice, my phone and my ipod. these sessions of lolling in the tub will take no less than an hour and a half) after a wonderful day. only if adam pascal had asked me to be his wife, could this day have been any better. this morning, the weather was dreary (dreary weather in london? you don't say) it rained on and off for a good part of the day. thankfully, i brought my coat (which was shellacked with scotch guard) i wore my sandals and black pants with my white tank under my black sweater with the red and white stripe. (cute sweater. got it on sale) the HSU (my college in tx) gang went to Westminster Abby. i saw the tomb of edward the longshanks, edward the black prince and mary, queen of scots. if memory serves -- weren't they some of the cruelest rulers of englands bloody history? but i also saw queen elizabeth I's tomb and alfred lord Tennyson, and memorials to t.s. elliot and my personal favorite, William Shakespeare. i got a bit teary at Shakespeare's memorial. just before we left, there was a short moment of silence for princess diana. (it was the 1st anniversary of her death) melanie and i lit a candle memory of our family members -- her grandmother and my grandfather. it was hard to take in all of what was there to be seen. the majesty of the holy ground was overwhelming. then we acted like tourist and took pictures of everything. we ate a delightful little cafe. i had brunch with scrambled eggs on toast, bacon and mushrooms. larry bought us all a big chocolate chip cookie. then off to rent at the shaftsburry theatre. i was worried about finding it but we turned the corner and there it was. my heart literally stopped. we picked up our tickets at will call and i bought an autographed photograph of adam pascal, another for melissa (my buddy from school; the same semester that i was at harlaxton, she did a year at cambridge), a program (you have to buy the programs at the west end), a poster and during the intermission i ended up buying the cast recording (mine was stepped on a couple of months before). the lobby had some postcards with cast photos for free so i swiped about half. we were early so we went to a bar around the corner and had drinks -- soda's and coffee. we headed back and took our seats. we sat around as the band took their places and warmed up. then adam (le sigh) walked out and i lost it. of course i have NO voice (i must have been sick or something) so all i could do was clap. then anthony came out and i lost it again. it's still hard for me to believe that i watched rent with adam, anthony, jessie and wilson! 4 original cast members were in it and they were wonderful (duh!) i spent the entire 2nd act crying (it's nice to know that somethings in life don't change. i saw rent again last spring and spent the entire 2nd act crying) i loved it but that is an understatement. after the show, i waited by the stage door (a favorite little game of mine) and waited as usual. angel came out first and i told him about how much Rent means to me. i cried as i told him how Jonathan Larson's death and my grandfather's death paralleled each other. wilson just held me; it made me feel better. then anthony came out and i told him also. he gave me a hug and agreed with me about the power of rent because his mother died last year. i felt so bad for him. we talked briefly. i should have asked them out for drinks. anthony signed my program. dr ivey (the head of the theatre dept for hardin-simmons at the time. his sister is judith ivey, the actress. he apparently went to school with gary sinise and john malkovitch. he hates them. it's fabulous) and emily met me at the theatre and i went with them to the globe theatre. wow once again! it was neat because we took the same route that my mom and i took to get to the globe 2 summers prior. we ate there at the theatre and then the show began. mark rylance, first seen by me in Henry V, was one of the lead characters. it was great. shakespeare's language set in the 1960's. i loved it, but not as much as rent. i was excited to see mark rylance perform again. there is something in the way in which he delivers his lines that makes me feel like putty. he could easily seduce me and i would follow like a trained poodle (doth mine ears deceive me -- what of the noble kevin?) i caught his eye one or two times. during rent, i know that the saw me (and probably heard me weeping like i had been stabbed). i love the theatre. i can only hope that i will be as good as the actors who i've seen today (pretty tall order). dori and mel have come home. both are LIT. esp. dori. whoa -- she's bombed. i guess i'll have to be the mom now. (i got out of the tub while back, just so you know) i got mel cleaned up and in bed. dori is uncooperative. i don't want to be drunk this whole semester. only on my birthday. i just can't believe it... i saw adam pascal and anthony rapp! i met anthony and wilson! i will never forget that. i'm a little overstimulated still, there are so many memories that i have made and so many more that are waiting for me. now i can only dream -- and wait for dori to sober up and get up off my floor.
Sept 5 @ 11:16 pm
i am soaking in the bathtub (quite literally. i do all my best thinking in the bathtub and will go out of my way to make a small haven for myself in the bathroom. i will usually have a nice long soak amongst mountains of bubbles and accompanied by my book de joure {hey jess, de jouer means bubble baths}, my beverage of choice, my phone and my ipod. these sessions of lolling in the tub will take no less than an hour and a half) after a wonderful day. only if adam pascal had asked me to be his wife, could this day have been any better. this morning, the weather was dreary (dreary weather in london? you don't say) it rained on and off for a good part of the day. thankfully, i brought my coat (which was shellacked with scotch guard) i wore my sandals and black pants with my white tank under my black sweater with the red and white stripe. (cute sweater. got it on sale) the HSU (my college in tx) gang went to Westminster Abby. i saw the tomb of edward the longshanks, edward the black prince and mary, queen of scots. if memory serves -- weren't they some of the cruelest rulers of englands bloody history? but i also saw queen elizabeth I's tomb and alfred lord Tennyson, and memorials to t.s. elliot and my personal favorite, William Shakespeare. i got a bit teary at Shakespeare's memorial. just before we left, there was a short moment of silence for princess diana. (it was the 1st anniversary of her death) melanie and i lit a candle memory of our family members -- her grandmother and my grandfather. it was hard to take in all of what was there to be seen. the majesty of the holy ground was overwhelming. then we acted like tourist and took pictures of everything. we ate a delightful little cafe. i had brunch with scrambled eggs on toast, bacon and mushrooms. larry bought us all a big chocolate chip cookie. then off to rent at the shaftsburry theatre. i was worried about finding it but we turned the corner and there it was. my heart literally stopped. we picked up our tickets at will call and i bought an autographed photograph of adam pascal, another for melissa (my buddy from school; the same semester that i was at harlaxton, she did a year at cambridge), a program (you have to buy the programs at the west end), a poster and during the intermission i ended up buying the cast recording (mine was stepped on a couple of months before). the lobby had some postcards with cast photos for free so i swiped about half. we were early so we went to a bar around the corner and had drinks -- soda's and coffee. we headed back and took our seats. we sat around as the band took their places and warmed up. then adam (le sigh) walked out and i lost it. of course i have NO voice (i must have been sick or something) so all i could do was clap. then anthony came out and i lost it again. it's still hard for me to believe that i watched rent with adam, anthony, jessie and wilson! 4 original cast members were in it and they were wonderful (duh!) i spent the entire 2nd act crying (it's nice to know that somethings in life don't change. i saw rent again last spring and spent the entire 2nd act crying) i loved it but that is an understatement. after the show, i waited by the stage door (a favorite little game of mine) and waited as usual. angel came out first and i told him about how much Rent means to me. i cried as i told him how Jonathan Larson's death and my grandfather's death paralleled each other. wilson just held me; it made me feel better. then anthony came out and i told him also. he gave me a hug and agreed with me about the power of rent because his mother died last year. i felt so bad for him. we talked briefly. i should have asked them out for drinks. anthony signed my program. dr ivey (the head of the theatre dept for hardin-simmons at the time. his sister is judith ivey, the actress. he apparently went to school with gary sinise and john malkovitch. he hates them. it's fabulous) and emily met me at the theatre and i went with them to the globe theatre. wow once again! it was neat because we took the same route that my mom and i took to get to the globe 2 summers prior. we ate there at the theatre and then the show began. mark rylance, first seen by me in Henry V, was one of the lead characters. it was great. shakespeare's language set in the 1960's. i loved it, but not as much as rent. i was excited to see mark rylance perform again. there is something in the way in which he delivers his lines that makes me feel like putty. he could easily seduce me and i would follow like a trained poodle (doth mine ears deceive me -- what of the noble kevin?) i caught his eye one or two times. during rent, i know that the saw me (and probably heard me weeping like i had been stabbed). i love the theatre. i can only hope that i will be as good as the actors who i've seen today (pretty tall order). dori and mel have come home. both are LIT. esp. dori. whoa -- she's bombed. i guess i'll have to be the mom now. (i got out of the tub while back, just so you know) i got mel cleaned up and in bed. dori is uncooperative. i don't want to be drunk this whole semester. only on my birthday. i just can't believe it... i saw adam pascal and anthony rapp! i met anthony and wilson! i will never forget that. i'm a little overstimulated still, there are so many memories that i have made and so many more that are waiting for me. now i can only dream -- and wait for dori to sober up and get up off my floor.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Let's Dance
more from the vaults...
August 30th 1998 @12:48 am
i feel very lonely right now. my roommate, Leah, is a very sweet girl and had all her friends in the room when i came in. they were looking at bridal magazines. Leah is engaged and i think that that is great. today i was talking with mel (some girl from my school that went to england too. bit of a digbat... but very sweet) and i confided in her my feelings of how lonely i feel during my cycle. she agree and it was good to hear that i'm not the only one that feels that way but it doesn't take away my loneliness. i feel as though i have a void in my core. like a donut with a soul. it would be great if i could find a... well, whatever i need to fill it (heh heh. she said fill it) maybe i just need some sleep.
August 31st 1998 at 11:53
(this whole entry was a letter that kevin fellow. let me surmise. i am a smitten girl that wants to say all the right things to her christian singer simi-boyfriend. if you want all the gooey details, let me know and i'll email it to you. but just so you know, it's all just a bunch of mooning about by a girl that just needs to... well... get laid)
Sept 1 '98 @ 7:40 am
I awoke this morning feeling just fine. it's raining out (welcome to england, toots). it's a calming sound -- the rain. today will be a good day.
Sept 1 @ 4:18 pm
i'm feeling very Broadway, today.
Sept 4 @12:40 am
tomorrow i leave for London. this is so exciting. today we had a ceilidh, pronounced kay-lee. it was the most fun i have ever had! we did all sorts of scotch/irish dances, line dances, group dances and some couple dances. there was one that was like musical chairs on it was with dance partners. there were four couples and one person in the middle. all the couples danced around the person in the middle. then that person joined in and when the music stopped the person left without a partner had to dance in the middle of the group. there was a dance called the boston tea party. there was a fast waltz. i had a blast. there was so much drinking and dancing and laughing. i did a jig and the band said i was a good dancer (they must have been drunk)
Sept 4 @ 9:18 am
well, we are underway to london. i'll get to see Rent tomorrow! YEAH!!! ya know, what i liked best about the ceilidh was that everyone was dancing with everyone else. even the guys were dancing. i had so much fun. leah said that she wants to have a ceilidh at her wedding and i'm gonna have to agree with her. wow. not much will beat the fun we all had last night -- except for rent. i hope i don't see the understudies perform.
Sept 4 @ 5:39 pm
London is a bursting, busy city full of interesting bawdy people ("it's an island. just an island. full of people. i want to meet some guys, some italian guys. maybe watch some t.v." thank you parker posey) i got irritated today with larry (major jerk from my school) dorie (a sheep girl if i've ever met one, would do whatever she thought the cool kids were doing including getting a tattoo cause i did and a navel piercing cause mel did) and jason (big stupid jock), well not so much jason but larry is always picking on me and today he just got too annoying. dorie is all moody. none of us have been sleeping enough and i know that has a lot to do with it. and i know that i was not the most pleasant to be around either, lately. it's just that i have such a passion for theatre and a lot of people just don't understand and can't appreciate it the way i do. i'm pretty complacent for the most part but i will NOT let this trip end up like the last time i came to london. (i went with my mom, poppy and aunt patti. no one could agree on what to do and i spent most of the time annoyed with the lot of them) i have a feeling that the others would rather not have me around and that's fine with me. i'll go on My own :S and do what i want! i'll go see RENT. adam pascal will ask me to marry him (bless) and we'll have a short ceremony. i'll go to see "the honest whore" at the globe. besides, why should dampen their parade. i know that i annoy all of them except Mel (cause she's a nice person, the others are just bastard people). maybe i will just go out on my own. i don't need anyone's help. i'll do what i want!
Sept 4 @ 11:47 pm
Les Miz! wow. this afternoon i bought a ticket for it and for 15 pounds i got limited view on the 2nd row. i could see the make-up, mics and wig lines. one of the actors waved at me and let me just tell you... the lights were making me hot and the fog from the smoke machine cooled me off. (any closer and they would have had to slap a flag in my hand and send my onstage too) the music was so good. the scene where javert jumped from the bridge was awesome. the lighting was great. it looked like water. after the show, the group from hardin-simmons went to a pub across the circus. i had a two dogs. there was a group of guys sitting at a table and the blond cute one was eyeing me. no doubt why... i was wearing my hottie momma outfit (short skirt, knee high boots, tight sweater) this country, this city is so magical. this is the city of kings and queens and knights. peter pan, shakespeare, paddington bear. i want to see and do so much! i really want to see Rent. Tomorrow is it baby!!!! TOMORROW I SEE RENT! TOMORROW I SEE RENT! (single track mind. love that rent)
August 30th 1998 @12:48 am
i feel very lonely right now. my roommate, Leah, is a very sweet girl and had all her friends in the room when i came in. they were looking at bridal magazines. Leah is engaged and i think that that is great. today i was talking with mel (some girl from my school that went to england too. bit of a digbat... but very sweet) and i confided in her my feelings of how lonely i feel during my cycle. she agree and it was good to hear that i'm not the only one that feels that way but it doesn't take away my loneliness. i feel as though i have a void in my core. like a donut with a soul. it would be great if i could find a... well, whatever i need to fill it (heh heh. she said fill it) maybe i just need some sleep.
August 31st 1998 at 11:53
(this whole entry was a letter that kevin fellow. let me surmise. i am a smitten girl that wants to say all the right things to her christian singer simi-boyfriend. if you want all the gooey details, let me know and i'll email it to you. but just so you know, it's all just a bunch of mooning about by a girl that just needs to... well... get laid)
Sept 1 '98 @ 7:40 am
I awoke this morning feeling just fine. it's raining out (welcome to england, toots). it's a calming sound -- the rain. today will be a good day.
Sept 1 @ 4:18 pm
i'm feeling very Broadway, today.
Sept 4 @12:40 am
tomorrow i leave for London. this is so exciting. today we had a ceilidh, pronounced kay-lee. it was the most fun i have ever had! we did all sorts of scotch/irish dances, line dances, group dances and some couple dances. there was one that was like musical chairs on it was with dance partners. there were four couples and one person in the middle. all the couples danced around the person in the middle. then that person joined in and when the music stopped the person left without a partner had to dance in the middle of the group. there was a dance called the boston tea party. there was a fast waltz. i had a blast. there was so much drinking and dancing and laughing. i did a jig and the band said i was a good dancer (they must have been drunk)
Sept 4 @ 9:18 am
well, we are underway to london. i'll get to see Rent tomorrow! YEAH!!! ya know, what i liked best about the ceilidh was that everyone was dancing with everyone else. even the guys were dancing. i had so much fun. leah said that she wants to have a ceilidh at her wedding and i'm gonna have to agree with her. wow. not much will beat the fun we all had last night -- except for rent. i hope i don't see the understudies perform.
Sept 4 @ 5:39 pm
London is a bursting, busy city full of interesting bawdy people ("it's an island. just an island. full of people. i want to meet some guys, some italian guys. maybe watch some t.v." thank you parker posey) i got irritated today with larry (major jerk from my school) dorie (a sheep girl if i've ever met one, would do whatever she thought the cool kids were doing including getting a tattoo cause i did and a navel piercing cause mel did) and jason (big stupid jock), well not so much jason but larry is always picking on me and today he just got too annoying. dorie is all moody. none of us have been sleeping enough and i know that has a lot to do with it. and i know that i was not the most pleasant to be around either, lately. it's just that i have such a passion for theatre and a lot of people just don't understand and can't appreciate it the way i do. i'm pretty complacent for the most part but i will NOT let this trip end up like the last time i came to london. (i went with my mom, poppy and aunt patti. no one could agree on what to do and i spent most of the time annoyed with the lot of them) i have a feeling that the others would rather not have me around and that's fine with me. i'll go on My own :S and do what i want! i'll go see RENT. adam pascal will ask me to marry him (bless) and we'll have a short ceremony. i'll go to see "the honest whore" at the globe. besides, why should dampen their parade. i know that i annoy all of them except Mel (cause she's a nice person, the others are just bastard people). maybe i will just go out on my own. i don't need anyone's help. i'll do what i want!
Sept 4 @ 11:47 pm
Les Miz! wow. this afternoon i bought a ticket for it and for 15 pounds i got limited view on the 2nd row. i could see the make-up, mics and wig lines. one of the actors waved at me and let me just tell you... the lights were making me hot and the fog from the smoke machine cooled me off. (any closer and they would have had to slap a flag in my hand and send my onstage too) the music was so good. the scene where javert jumped from the bridge was awesome. the lighting was great. it looked like water. after the show, the group from hardin-simmons went to a pub across the circus. i had a two dogs. there was a group of guys sitting at a table and the blond cute one was eyeing me. no doubt why... i was wearing my hottie momma outfit (short skirt, knee high boots, tight sweater) this country, this city is so magical. this is the city of kings and queens and knights. peter pan, shakespeare, paddington bear. i want to see and do so much! i really want to see Rent. Tomorrow is it baby!!!! TOMORROW I SEE RENT! TOMORROW I SEE RENT! (single track mind. love that rent)
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