it's a...nice day for white wedding

So. The Boy and i are getting hitched in 8 days. as you can see from the photo to the left, we are having a disney wedding and let me tell you something here. it is sooooo much easier to let disney take care of everything. this was the best choice we could have made. besides each other.

The Boy and i met when we worked at the same company. he worked as a carpenter and built doors and i sat on my ass and pretended to work when all i really did is play tetris all day. he and i had a mutual friend that pretty much fixed us up and it was very much like high school. "do you like him?" "do you like her?" eventually he asked for my phone number and i gave it to him sans area code not realizing that he did not have a local cell phone. so when he called, he got some funky message and thought that i had blown him off. meanwhile... i waited for him to call and thought that he had blown me off. after realizing what had happened we had a good laugh and decieded to go out on a date. we've been together ever since.

no this is not my first marriage, i can tell you this... God willing, it will be my last. and the best thing is that disney is handling everything. with my first wedding, i was lucky in that i am from a small town and was married in my home church and most of the town went to my church so they would cut me a break. i.e. a discount on the flowers and groomcake and i didn't have to pay for the rental for the church and i only had to pay 1/2 price for the reception hall (but that was because there was going to be a class reunion that night and they were just going to use my decorations). but even with all that help, it was still expensive and stressful and tedious to coordinate all of the elements that make up a wedding. like music and flowers and photography and stuff. some of my friends performed and my aunt played the piano, so that was ok. also, i had a bagpiper and that was cool. the flowers... well, the florist went on a church retreat and left his minions in charge and they duded out the church in these beautiful tropical flowers. only problem was that my colors were pastels. my mom was so upset that she cried. and for that i made the minions cry and then redo the whole thing. and to top it all off, my photographer was a total natzi bitch. if i wasn't minding my p & q's, i'd have knocked her in the head with my stilletto.

but i don't have to worry about any of those crazy things with this wedding. disney has it all under control. and for a pretty resonable price everything from the site rental to the champange toast is covered. we have our site (sea breeze pointe at the boardwalk), our flowers (white calla lilies tied with a blue satin ribbon with blue crystals decorating the flowers), the music (a violinist), a photographer (they will send the proofs in a book, put the proofs on a website for us and package the photos we choose into a personalized wedding album), a limo (for 5 hours), and the reception food (marble cake with raspberry mousse and buttercream icing and sparkling cider -- we didn't want the champange). and the coordinator is handling everything. i don't have to worry my pretty little head about anything.

as for the reception, we are going to have a progressive dinner around the worlds at Epcot. much fun will be had by all. so... all that said, my next post will be made after we get back from honeymoon, and i will tell you all about it!

Cats! I'm Gonna Purr Forever...

Well. monday night was quite possibly the biggest travesty in my auditioning career. and i have had some real doozies! Like the time that i auditioned for "Into the Woods" and the musical director didn't like the song that i had picked out to sing. she complained that it didn't show off my range. i explained that it did show off my acting and she just scoffed at me. she then proceeded to give me the wrong starting pitch twice. in a tearful voice a pleaded with her to just give me my starting note. once into the song, i nailed it, as usual. i like the song i had chosen and had used it from many auditions and have always done very well with it. then the musical director complained again that the song didn't show my vocal range so asked me to sing some scales, which she played completely randomly. i was so frazzled when i came out of that audition, all i could do is cry. and i was between shows on my double so that meant i had to reapply my makeup for the evening performance. needless to say... i was not cast in "Woods".

back to Cats.

i love the show. i have seen it a 3 different times. the first time was the national tour at the Dallas Music Hall. Grizabella forgot the lyrics to "Memory". how ironic. to forget the lyrics to a song called memory and the simple fact that it is one of the only songs that anyone knows. i have also seen it on Broadway at the Winter Garden. that was fun. there was a lady in the audience that insisted on petting one of the actors that was in the audience. he finally had to say "please don't touch my costume". i laughed at the lady. she was like, "oh, i'm so sorry. i keep forgetting that you are actors." dumb woman. the final time that i was able to see the show, was when i going to school in London. my friend matt was in the cast, and i was able to score tickets for the final performance. my seats were on the stage bit that revolves with the set. at one point his blocking was to sit right in front of me. it was very cool as i could bearly recognize him in all the makeup. so i like the show. i know that some people hate it and i could care less, because i like it.

now. i am no dancer. i like to pretend that i can dance but in all actuality, i dance like a big old hot mess on wheels, as my roommate from college can attest. i dance like my dad. and he dances like elaine from seinfeld. and in the words of jerry, "it's like a full-body dry heave set to music." i have taken some dance classes. i did a whole year of it my freshman year of high school and i also took a class in university. i have had some intro to ballet, jazz and tap. i also like to watch Fosse and All That Jazz. but that is about all i know about dance. but i am trainable. and a hard worker. so i get to the auditions (after being sick all day with a sinus infection) and we start part of the dance audition. after an hour of (painful) dance we take a break. there were plie's and jumps and a lot of cat movements. i liked it but it was rather difficult for me. but i did my best and laughed at the whole thing. then came the singing. the accompanist gave a lovely flourish instead of the starting pitch that i asked for and i (stupidly) picked the wrong note to start. i was singing my song a full octive higher than it was written. but since i couldn't hear the piano anyway, i just plunged on. then i was asked to do some tap dance step. i didn't know how and the director settled on seeing what i could do in tap, which isn't much. after everyone sang, we started the second dance portion. it was easier for me and had lots of high kicks, which i can do in spades. i was so excited when i nailed it during the group dance that i was jumping up and down. of course i became fumble feet during my actual audition part but i smiled and was energetic. and i had fun. some of my theatre friends were there as well and we all had a good laugh.

i don't have any high hopes of being cast. i will be lucky if i get a call back. if i do i know that i can impress the director (whom is a friend). but i am sure that i will not be one of the cats. i might still have a shot a Grizabella but more than likely i will just be a backstage singer. oh well. i get 'em next time. meow.

Michael Jackson is to blame

He's to blame folks. here is the man...er...whatever. i have been forever scarred by this man. and for what he did to me, i can never forgive.

when i was 5 years old, my mom would leave me at the day care center while she was at work. i don't remember very much about this day care center except that it was a group of brown buildings and it was surrounded by pine trees. and there is a "school" smell that i will always associate with that day care center, but i do remember the day that my world came crashing down around me.

my pre-school teacher wanted to have a fun halloween party. i remember that there were pumpkin and bat decorations hanging from the ceiling. and the teachers rolled the t.v. cart over and put in the michael jackson video, Thriller. we were all grouped around t.v. to watch. the next thing that i remember is hiding under a table with my eyes and ears covered, crying, and my mom pulling me out from hiding to take me home. apparently the teachers never noticed that i had run, terrified, from the room and hid in a classroom in a different building. needless to say... my mother, being the caring and saintly woman that she is, switched my day care center and i never had to go back. (incedently, that day care was shut down by child protective services... where my mom works. don't mess with my mom-- she'll put the hurtin' on ya!)

mama says that i was a pretty normal kid up until that point. (despite the fact that i felt the unquenchable desire to wear strange things on my head as hats. bowls... pots... boxs... baskets... the cat.) it was this michael jackson moment that changed me for the worse. after that point i was scared of the dark, monsters and dead people. not long after the day care incident, she was watching mtv and the triller video came on. i remember having a full blown freak-out until my mom changed the channle. soon we moved to Beaumont, Tx and i was enrolled in a new day care. it had the best playground in the world. this is when people just let childern run free on a playground and safety wasn't considered too often. good times. good times. they also took field trips all the time one of which was the weekly trip to the rainbow roller rink. this rink had blacklight painting of the solar system on the back wall and a disco ball. they also had really sticky bathroom floors and orange carpet. we would skate for what felt like hours and there was always a music video break where they would lower the projection screen and show the music video for a popular song. one day they made the horriffic mistake of showing... you guessed it, Thriller. i high tailed it to the back stall of the bathroom and tried to hid behind the toilet. the teacher finally found me but i wouldn't budge untill the video was over. they must have spoken to my mom about it because they let me hide from michael jackson from then on.

fast forward to today. i am 29 years old and i have yet to watch that damn video. i have trouble even looking at pics from the video. i also am terrified of zombies, the monsters under my bed, in my closet or generally lurking about to get me, i can't watch any scary movies and usually need an escort if i go anywhere at night. and you can forget about me taking a shower at night when i am home alone. when i was in college, they all got a big kick out of freaking me out. it was bad enough that it is embarressing to be such a wussy but there were times that i was so siezed by fear that i felt like my heart was going to explode. the worst was my freshman year. we went to the on campus haunted house, which i thought would be fine as i knew most of the students running it. in the first room, i freaked out, hypervenalated, kicked some guy in the balls and had to be carried out. my RA happened to be there and then proceded to excecisize the deamons out of me. she wasn't helping the situation at all. after i calmed down, my freinds and i headed to the theatre to watch a movie on the jumbo screen. and of course, the popular film was scream. damn that scream and it's sequels. needless to say... i didn't sleep well that year. i did everything i knew to do to conquer my fears, but i was just making it worse.

now we head into the halloween season. i love halloween. dressing up and not looking like a lunitic for going out in public is the best. the food, the crisp fall air. i love this time of year. but for me it is a double edge sword. t.v. starts showing more scary movies. and i start walking on egg shells. i still feel the panic rising in me like boiling water just walking into the halloween section at wal-mart. i start taking more baths and less showers because i'm too jumpy and i have an even harder time getting to sleep than normal. this year though, i have my zombie survival guide so i think i will be ready for halloween. all the same, i think that i would rather trick-or-treat at mickey mouse's not so scary halloween party- if it's all the same to you

glutten for punishment

so. the other day was International Talk Like A Pirate Day, which i was glad to celebrate. i had a wonderful post that included my pirate name (Capt'n Bloody Bess Morgan) and a list of my favorite pirate movies (all the pirate of the caribbean films, princess bride, hook treasure planet, and muppet treasure island) but i tried to get fancy with the photos and lost half of my blog. (grrrrrrr!)

anyway. i have been actually working at work despite what the photo to the left shows. the opening day for the purple cow theatre and i did over $21,000 worth of ticket sales in one day. plus i am sitting naked in front of people again, now that the school year is in full swing. and to top it off, my friend super d called me to understudy some chick in his premire performance show. apparently the chick in question has some butt cyst and had to have it removed, and i am there as a backup. this is all on top of trying to tie up any loose ends in the planning of the wedding between myself and The Boy. the director has me up til 11 and the dog has me up at 6 but i might as well just stay up all night as The Boy and the dog are both bed hogs and i rarely get a good, full nights sleep. so needless to say... i'm weary.

on the brighter side is that i get to wear a tutu and pointe shoes in my latest modeling endevor and i am getting lots of practice crocheting as i sit on my ass at the theatre, watching butt girl traipse across the stage. (she is back from the surgery and is going on in the show but i still have to go to rehearsals, despite the fact that i have no intentions of going on for butt girl.)

so the show is Fame Forever. do you remember the film, Fame? well, there was a stage musical, called Fame, recently made that picks up with the school year after the film. it was tolerable. Fame Forever picks up 20 years later and current students are the kids of the characters in the other musical. toss in a couple of ghosts looking for reincarnation and a forey into the near future and you have it. pure tony gold. blrrugh. this script is the biggest bunch of waffle i have ever read. here is just a sample:

Year- 2014, Setting- performing arts high school

Serena: So you made it (to the 30th class reunion) this time.

Nick: Yeah, I'm on hiatus from my new show. It's this reality show thing.

Serena: "Beyond Space and Time."

Nick: Yeah

Serena: It must be tough, filming on the moon.

Nick: Well, it's... you know what? It is what it is.

you can't get any better than that folks. anyway... the show is cast with folks that i have had the great pleasure of working with in the past and working with them is a pure joy. the choreography is excellent, esp: the tango. sexy. anyway, the show opens in a week and emotions are running high. gotta love those wacky theatre folks. i'll just be glad when it is over so that i can get some sleep.

let me just leave you with an image that i saw the other day. i don't know what it is but it works at the wal-mart and thinks that it is a witch. i can neither confirm nor deny wether it flies on a broom but it weaves nightmares into the dreams of small children and feble-minded.

I like to sit naked in front of people

but first, before i get into that mess...

my recipe for Chinese food.

1. choose your cat. any cat will do in a pinch but for the best flavor, it's best to be picky. shop around. your taste buds will thank you. it is very important to wash your cat before you start. i can not stress this enough. cleanliness is next to godliness, they say.

2. next, you must dry your cat. this can be tricky as the cat will want to escape. but great meals are created by blood, sweat, tears and a little bit of TLC.

3. the method of carving your cat is up to you. some people will swear by cubed steak, but i prefer fillet strip as the meat can soak up the flavor of the stir fry.

4. finally saute the cat in peanut sauce until it is browned. add you veg of choice and serve with a side of steamed rice.

***no cats were harmed in this blog, although the blogger was hissed at and ignored for the rest of the night by the cat***

fridge magnet poetry: by tat2kitten

her feet caressed my big heavy jelly bottom though he at some family yarn and probed a private golden wiggling sex mess by pleasuring the mischievous naked tiger we spanked on every exquisite night with violent milk and delicious smoke!

now for the actual blog:

i am a figure model (among other things) and i love my job. i'll be the first to admit that i don't have the body of a supermodel. hell, i barely have the body of one of the lesser models that stand next to supermodels hoping the super might rub off on them. now don't get me wrong, i still turn heads; i just don't look like a stick insect. anyway. if you think about it, i have a pretty sweet deal going on here. i get paid fairly well to sit for a length of time. that's it. ok so yeah, i'm naked but it's not like i'm doing anything freaky. it was hard the first time that i had to disrobe. i mean, suddenly people are looking a bits of you that only a spouse would see. and god bless the art students... no one ran from the studio, griping their face, screaming, "my eyes! my eyes!". some of the students are quite good. most... well there is a reason that they are students. some even give me samples of their work. if i like something, i'll ask for it or at least a copy of it. i am proud of the work that i do and am not ashamed to say it. (although it took me a year to be totally honest with the parental units about the type of modeling i do that the art school. as i see it... it is easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.) The Boy doesn't mind. he was an art student at one time and understands that i just sit there. the funniest thing is the dynamic of the relationship with the students. i will sometimes run into students that i have posed for whilst i am out running errands. awkward. here you are standing in the shampoo section of wal-mart and next to you is an art student. it's less awkward running into the professors when i'm out and about. but still, you're like, "this person has seen my bits. nothing left to the imagination. sorry for that." i must say that the art that i have posed for is, in most cases, quite beautiful. very classic art. it makes me feel beautiful. i'll admit that it is frustrating posing for artist that are less practiced. in the same class, you will have a piece that will take your breath away sitting next to a piece that makes you want to go poke out you mind's eye. but the following pieces are me at my most artistic. enjoy.

childhood heros

everyone has a childhood hero. someone that they want to be like when they grow up. someone that they hang their hopes on. someone that makes them look forward to actually becoming an adult. for some their hero is a sports star like mickey mantle or Wayne Gretzky. The Boy has a couple of heroes. the most surprising is Red Skelton. but my hero is the incomparable Jim Henson. i have never known life without the muppets. when i was little, i watched sesame street and very vaguely remember the muppet show. i do remember when it was in syndication on nickelodeon. and in college i started collecting the muppet show through a time life subscription. i remember watching the dark crystal at my dad's house on every other weekend and how i wanted a landstrider. i don't remember the reason that my mom made up on why i couldn't have one but i am sure that it was a doozy. i liked them because they looked like giant rabbits. i also wanted a fizzgigg as a pet as well. i distinctly remember going to the movies to watch labyrinth with david bowie, because david bowie became my first movie boyfriend. and don't get me started on the muppet movies. the muppet movie, muppets take Manhattan, the great muppet caper and all of the tv specials.

yesterday, the muppet show season 2 was released and i was practically breaking down the door at target to purchase it. season 1 was released 2 years ago and apparently it has taken this long to get the rights to some of the songs or something. so while i knitted, i lost myself in a world of felt and foam rubber. i hit me, while i was watching, that this show was a complete hit and it was done almost completely with puppets. but the fact that kermit, fozzie and miss piggy have become household names is a bit amazing. every child at some point has come across the muppets in some way. whether it is because of sesame street or any of the movies, you would have to be living under a rock or in some hut in the middle of the ozarks cut of from society for like 50 years, to not know who the muppets are. i was talking to a 16 year old from Venezuela and she knew who kermit was. the muppets are a world wide phenomenon and it's all thanks to jim henson.

it was his ability to express love, joy, magic, mayhem and fun through green felt and a painted ping-pong ball cut in half. i rarely grieve the loss of a famous person. i don't know them personally. it may be sad that they have passed but generally it doesn't deeply effect me. i will never forget the day that my mom told me that jim henson died. she had picked me up from my grandparents home, as i would stay there after school. i was in the 5th grade and it was almost the summer break. it was a hot day. we were driving down the street and she said, "i have something that i have to tell you. i'm sorry but jim henson is dead. he died today." i just looked out of the window at the passing shops and i cried. it felt like i had lost my best friend. not long afterwards, there was a tribute show produced by the jim henson company that gave the muppets a chance to say good bye. i just knew that i would never get a chance to be a muppetteer. it never occurred to me that the muppets would go on without their fearless leader. but soldier on they did. with jim henson's now grown kids taking the helm and steve whitmire (rizzo the rat and wembley the fraggle) as the new voice of kermit, the muppets are up to thier old antics. and now with the craze to put everything on dvd, the old muppet shows are getting brushed up and slapsticked onto disk. i'm in heaven. i still have to get a couple of the films on dvd but i have the storyteller episodes, the 1st and 2nd seasons of both muppet show and fraggle rock. muppet movie, muppets take Manhattan and muppet treasure island (tim curry *sigh*), dark crystal and labyrinth all on dvd. there are just a couple more films to add to the collection. now it seems that there is a fabulous new show on TBS called puppet up. take who's line is it anyway, puree with the muppet show and add a spalsh of smut and you have puppet up. i watched it at work and i thought that i was going to fall out of my chair, i was laughing sooooo hard. my supervisor that i want to hit in the head with my shoe was getting upset because she thought that i was having some kind of breathing problem. i was trying to hold in my laughter and being spectacularly lousy at it.

god, those muppetteers are master artisans. i mean if you look at the old episodes you will see kermit tripping onstage, muppets stand from a seated position and tap dance with gene kelly. you gotta appreciate the talent that it takes to work a puppet, sing a song and do some choreography all at the while running around with your arm in the air and trying to not run into anyone else. i want to do that when i grow up. when i was doing my grad work in london, i posed as a staff person from my school and called the henson company in london. i asked if they had an intern program and if so did they have any opening that i could encourage my students (and by my students, i mean me, myself and i) to apply for. she said that there was some office intern positions open. but nothing in the creature shop. damn. my plan was foiled. i should have applied anyway. at least get my foot in the door.

all in all i want to thank jim henson for all the laughter and silliness that he gave me. thank you for teaching me my letters and about friendship with bert and ernnie. thank you for opening my mind to fantasy with the dark crystal and labyrinth. thank you for shaping my sense of humor and giving me the gift of showmanship and that classic vaudevillian acts are still a pleasure and inspiration. thank you for teaching me that it's not easy being green but it what i want to be. thank you for helping me find the rainbow connection. thank you for giving me a lady role model in miss piggy. but most of all thank you for making my world, my imagination and my life just a little bit brighter because the muppets are there.

celebrity bash haiku

i can't say that i pity her. she has had a copious amount of chances to get on the strait and narrow. i understand that addiction is a bitch but home-slice needs some real help. not promises. that place is a joke. just look at their other "success story", brittney. what she needs is a good stiff jail sentence. not that it did paris that much good, but one can always see the glass half full. i do pity the everyone else in god's green creation, though. family lohan is just too much crazy for this world, or any other, if you ask me. the parents are whacked, the kids... well lets hope that the others learn from their big sis's mistakes and SAY NO TO DRUGS. drugs are bad, m'kay. oh and p.s. lindsey, that whole "those weren't my pants" excuse is right up there with "my alarm didn't go off" and "my dog ate my homework". just thought that you should know :)