Customer service can lick my lizard

so this comic from Toothpastefordinner.com pretty much sums up every customer that comes to my theatre. and may i add that the majority of folks that are our customers are freakin' snowbirds from up north, who's chilly dispositions match the weather they so quickly fled from. it's not that i don't like yankees, it's just that most of the are so damned confrontational and apparently everyone over the age of 65 all want something for nothing. listen... i'm sorry that you have a fixed income. but if you want to go to theatrical performances, why don't you plan ahead instead of bitching at me that the tickets are too expensive. the city that this theatre is located in is the mecca of retirees, and every single one of them thinks that they should get a senior discount. this theatre would never make any money if we did that, let me tell you. also, don't you yell at me just because the person you bought tickets for up and cancelled without any reason at all. i, the ticket selling person, has nothing to do with any of that. believe me, if it were up to me, that crappy show would go on as planned, 'cause i don't want to have to deal with you, son.

i think that customers sometimes are confused, frustrated, and or angry and just need to vent. that is were customer service reps step up to the plate. you see, most things can be fixed with a simple click of a mouse. and in a lot of cases, you customer service rep will do everything in their power to fix you problem. the catch is.... just be nice. it's a simple request; just be nice. i for one will go out of my way to help someone that is polite, gentle and well mannered in their treatment of me, but on the other side of that coin, i will go out of my way to make your experience a total living hell if you are rude, condescending or down right mean to me. it's that whole golden rule thing, treat others as you would have others treat you. and when you are red in the face from yelling, tears of frustration wetting your flushed cheek, throat sore from bull-headed arguing just keep in mind that i am silently laughing at you and will mock you as soon as you hang up the phone. it's not that i want to make anyone's life difficult, far from it, it is just that i don't think that you should treat people poorly just because you have a problem or that you don't know me. you wouldn't talk to your best friend in such a manner, what gives you the right to speak to me that way? just wondering.

another problem with customers is that they don't know what they want and nine times out of ten, want you to make their decisions for you. please, for the love of God's Green Goodness, please know what you want from me before i pick up the phone. i always sell the best seats available; you don't have to ask for them. and no. i will not choose your seats for you. your money is paying for your ass to sit in a seat, you choose. also... call after you are armed with the info that you will need. don't call me and waste my time trying to sell you tickets, setting them aside for you and explaining everything about the performance space just to have you tell me that you will call back after you talk to your friends. do you realize that i do other things besides help dementia candidates such as yourself. (well, not me, i don't do much besides surfing the gossip blogs) but i am sure that there are other people that do important things that you have interrupted.

there are times when i just want to throw myself off the seawall rather than deal with some customers. (again, most of whom are from New York) and the funny thing is, you can see it in their face as they walk through the door. it's something in the way the carry themselves. like that they are preparing for freaking battle. and again, most problems can be fixed with just the push of a button. so if you are nice, i will want to help you. just assume that i can help you and not that i am completely inept at my job. i did train to do my job. let's just pretend that i can.

some of the typical conversations with customers go a little like this:

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me (on the phone): so your tickets plus the service fee came to $150. how would you like to pay for that.

stupid customer (sc): with my credit card.

me: (internally) DUHHHHHH!

me: yes, what credit card?

sc: my chase

me: (internally) someone kill me

me: and what kind of credit card is that?

sc: oh, a mastercard.

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me: so i have 4 tickets on row 12 right in the center.

sc: are those good seats?

me: oh yes. those are perfect seats to see this show.

sc: do you have anything better?

me: actually, those are the closest seats i have to the stage.

sc: well, i don't know. would you sit there?

me: (internally) hell no! i wouldn't see that crappy show if you paid me!

me: oh yes. i would totally sit there.

sc: i just don't know. you choose for me.

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sc: i would like tickets for Mama Mia

me: i'm sorry. that is a sold out show.

sc: what do you mean it's sold out?

me: (internally) i mean that you sat on your ass too long and now you can't see the show

me: i mean that we are sold out.

sc: so i can't buy any tickets?

me: that's exactly what i mean.

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sc: i would like tickets for mama mia.

me: i'm sorry. that is a sold out show.

sc: but i didn't buy my tickets

me: (internally) so

me: i'm sorry

sc: so what am i going to do?

me: i don't know

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sc: i would like tickets for mama mia.

me: i'm sorry. that is a sold out show.

sc: so in other words, you don't have any tickets.

me: (internally) no those exact words

me: i guess so.

Happily Ever After

First, i have to take a moment to pay tribute to Heath Ledger, who was found dead yesteday in his in his apartment in New York. This was a shock to many people as heath was not known to have the wild lifestyle that some of his fellow hollywood stars live. i fell in love with him in 10 Thing I Hate About You and have followed his career faithfully. i am highly anticipating the new batman film in which he portrayed the infamous Joker. he was truely a tremendous actor and he will be greatly missed.



now. i want to share some of the photos from the fairy tale honeymoon that Himself and i shared.





this is at Epcot on the day of the wedding. we are sitting in Italy at a fountain on our wedding reception trip around the world. i ended up buying a mask from the maskmaker there in Italy.



here we are in Paris at epcot. i love france and had a chocolate crossant to mark the ocation

the day after the wedding, we decided to go back to Epcot and take our time looking around. as much as we love our families, sometimes you just don't get a chance to look around when your with a group. not that we need to look around that much; we've been enough times that we could give guided tours of the place.

here we are in jolly ol' england right before the firework display. himself says that the fireworks used to be more fantastic but that disney has toned them down in the past few years.

monday after the wedding, we headed to MGM. the best end of day show happens there. mickey fights with his imagination and all the cool disney villains. they mix fireworks, lasers, water FX, pyro and film to create this show. MGM was really fun and we are totally going there again.

this was Halloween day at disney. let me tell you something here. disney does every holiday in grand style. we had a blast. we decided to wear our wedding reception clothes to disney that day as our costume. that night we were able to score a table inside cinderella's castle. dinner there was excellent, of course and we tried to sneak into the halloween party that night but the damn disney people are too smart for my sly tricks. much fun was had by all though.

nothing beats a good ol' fashioned pirate fight. we had just ridden the pirates of the caribbean twice in a row, when we met this scallywagg!

he's no jack sparrow but i think that i will keep him around!

just monkeying around in animal kingdom. this i my favorite of the disney parks. there is a really sweet lady named eva that gave us a personal tour through the asian jungle. my favorite disney show is at animal kingdom as well. Finding Nemo the musical is the best. i know all the songs and sit like a big ol' fool singing along like i'm at some pre-school rocky horror. god, i love disney.

this is were himself proposed. i had to have a picture of us there. how apporopriate that the tree of life is in the background? yeah, i know we're nerds. shut up.

speaking of nerds. yes. i actuallly stood in line to meet winne-the-pooh. and yes i am holding a stuffed dinosaur that i won at the dino carnival. it became the dog 's dinosaur.

i really wanted to meet tigger. himself indulges me.

even when i am kissin' on other men on my honeymoon. it doesn't seem like he minds all that much

this was our last night on our honeymoon. honestly, we were ready to go home and see our animals, but it was one of the best times of my life. disney really knows how to make everything larger than life and more magical than anyone could believe. it truely was the year of a million dreams and all ours came true.

We are all animals m'lady

so. i admit it. i'm not too ashamed of this fact....

i am a sucker for fantasy films. i just can't help myself. some of my earliest film memories is of watching the animated versions of The Hobbit and The Last Unicorn. then came Dark Crystal, Labyrinth and Legend. Even now, i would rather watch a film full of fairy glamour than any other genre.

as a child, i suspect that i wanted to grow up in a world filled with storybook creatures. i wanted a unicorn for a pet for God's sake. and as an adult, i find that my life is a little too realistic. i gladly welcome the opportunity to escape into a land were Westley always rescues Buttercup and Sarah has a Jereth the Goblin King begging for her love and submission (had i been sarah, there would have been no hesitation. david bowie can be my master any old day).

it's just that there is so much to think about every day. now with all this political mumbo jumbo going on it makes me want to slip into my fantasy worlds even more. so what if it is immature to want to always get away from it all. i do my work. i help my customers. sometimes, i even care about my customers, though they make it rather difficult to want to care for them. i go home and walk the dogs, fix dinner, hit the gym and go to bed. why now let a little excitement into my humdrum life and live vicariously through Lily and Jack, or Bilbo, or Cinderella. To live in a world that is wrapped in satin and glitter may be folly but i would much prefer to send myself into Morpheus' arms with the stars in my eyes. tomorrow i will wake and ground my head in reality and let Matt Laurer spin it for me. (speaking of Mr Matt. Homeboy looks hot in some swim trunks, let me tell you.) but i will end my day with swirling dresses and dashing heros.

i know that there are a good many people that will disagree with me (including Himself). they want to see intrigue and suspense. they want to see jackie chan kick some bad guys ass. they want to see some sub-human zombie creature chase bimbos into the woods and kill them. well... have fun with that. when you want me, look for me in the 10th kingdom. the land were chivalry isn't dead quite yet. where the villain is vanquished (despite the fact that he may be totally hot and seductive) and everyone lives happily ever after.

Tat2kittens Top 10 Fantasy Films

10. The Hobbit: this animated adaptation of the first of Tolkin's visits to middle earth is exceptional. gollum really freaked me out as a child but i liked the dragon, Smog. bilbo baggins leads a simple life. that is until Gandolf the wizard enlists his help in adventure that takes bilbo out of his comfort zone. Bilbo learns the strength in friendship and that even the smallest of size may be the bravest of heart.

9. The Last Unicorn: unicorns, magic, red bulls and angela landsbury. what more could you want in a fantasy film. while watching hunters in her forest, a unicorn learns that she is the last of her kind. vowing to find the others, she sets out with two human companions, schmendrick the magician and molly grue. to save the unicorn from being driven into the sea by King Haggard's red bull, schmendrick finally performs true magic but changing the unicorn into a human girl. the king's son falls in love with the mysterious girl causing the the girl to make a choice, stay human or return to her unicorn form. beautiful.

8. The 10th Kingdom: this is was an exquisite mini-series that was aired in the late '90's. it is quite a feet to watch it all in one go as it is 10 hours long but great for a rainy day. virginia and her dad live on the edge of central park. on her way to work as a waitress, virginia hits a dog with her bike that just happens to be the prince of the 3rd kingdom who was turned into a dog but his wicked

stepmother. with a wolf and trolls chasing him he runs through a magic mirror into central park. to help the dog, virginia and her dad travel through the mirror and find that all the fairy stories are all true and all took place within the 9 kingdoms. now they have to stop the wicked step mother from taking over all nine kingdoms by placing an impostor on the throne. all the great grimm fairy tales are touched on and even some mother goose rhymes. it also has an all-star cast. i love it.

7. Harry Potter: it's magical and fantastic. there are so many reasons that one should love these films. number one would be Gary Oldman as Sirius Black. each movie is better than the last and it's fun to watch the kids grow up.

6. Lord of the Rings: what can be said of the Leviathan that is the peter jackson mega-hit Lord of the Rings. Another great rainy day watch. great special FX and acting and costumes and sets and everything. just watch!

5. Dark Crystal: this was the first feature film by Jim Henson that didn't feature his beloved muppets. well... they were muppets, just not The muppets. it was creepy, beautiful, and it had land striders (i totally wanted one for a pet). it was ambitious for the henson company and i think it was more appreciated in video release. as with anything that jim henson touched, i think that it is wonderful. Jen is a gelfling that needs to find the missing shard of the crystal to bring order to his planet. kira is another gelfling that helps jen on his quest. great watch.

4. Legend: you can see from the above picture why i love this film. like jim henson, Tim Curry can do no wrong in my eyes and i think that whether he wears fishnets or bull horns he is a handsome fellow. this is a film that you must get it while you can. i fear that due to tom cruses new friends, you might not be able to find this film much longer. but it is a perfect fairy tale. jack and lily are innocent and in love. jack shows lily the unicorns and she touches one, causing the goblins of darkness to be able to trap the unicorn and steal its horn. this sends the world into darkness and jack, with the help of the fairy folk, must set things right. meanwhile, the lord of darkness has the hots for lily and tries to seduce her. the ultimate battle of good and evil ensues. it's not a long movie but it is a good one.

3. The Princess Bride: name me one girl that didn't let this movie shape her view of love. name me one boy that didn't think that Inigo Montoya wasn't the shizz. i love this movie. oh and by the way, i love this movie. buttercup lives on a farm and westley is the farm boy. they fall in love and he sets sail to find his fortune. buttercup learns that he is killed by the dread pirate roberts and agrees to marry the prince humperdink even though she vows to never love again. while out riding she is kidnapped and that group is pursued by a man in black. the man in black (westley) rescues buttercup only to lose her to humperdink again. but true love does conquer. this is a completely hysterical fantasy romp full of love, adventure, giants, sword fights, mystery, villains heros and cary elews.

2. Labyrinth: david bowie in tight jodhpurs. holy shizz. need i say more. this is another trip to the other side of reality with jim henson. sarah hates babysitting her baby brother so she jokingly asks the goblin king to take the baby away. he does and makes her travel to the center of his labyrinth in 13 hours or her baby brother will become a goblin servant. with the help of some of the inhabitants of the labyrinth sarah learns that life's not fair but good will out. again, it also has david bowie in really tight pants.

1. The Slipper and the Rose: sometimes the disney channel will play this film during christmas but it is not a very popular film. i think it is one of the most beautifully filmed movie musicals ever. it is just the tale of cinderella but you see more of the prince's point of view. richard chamberland plays the prince and he is completely adorable.

Welcome back Kotter!

Well. it has been far to long between this and my last post and i will promise to think about getting better at that. as a recap on the last 2 1/2 months... himself and i were wed at disney. everything went off without a hitch. and living at disney for a week is quite therapeutic but anymore verges on the creepy. everyone was very nice and gave us free stuff. i like free stuff. after that, my aunt died so i had to go to texas. after that, the snowbirds came down from up north and are driving all self-respecting people nuts. after that, it was christmas... i got a computer but i don't have internet at home yet so i play a lot of majong right now. himself got a min pin puppy named rusty. after that, i got sick and spent a week in bed. i hate being sick. so now here we are. with the new year.

this year, as with most i want to get in better shape, be nicer to customers and drink less soda. there you have it. my resolutions. so far, i have done ok but, we are only a couple weeks out. we will see how i do.

can anyone believe what is going on in hollywood. it's like they're taking crazy pills. writers on strike and britney really flipping her lid. i just hang my head and wait for project runway to come on. i really really love that show. christian needs a reality check. vyctoria needs to chill and ricky needs to get a grip. i love chris. go to his website and check out his designs. http://www.chrismarchdesigns.com/

another site you should check out is http://www.marriedtothesea.com/ i was asked to stop reading it at work because i was becoming too rowdy. here are some of my favorite comics from the site.

so today is looking like it will be another stellar day at the van wezel performing arts hall. aggressive, rude customers and outdated software...paradise on earth! today i am determined to finish knitting the sock i started two weeks ago. hooray for socks. making them has been like wrestling an octopus, but they'll look kick ass when i am done