my pets are my children

above is a clip of me, my greyhound (pearl) and my min pin (rusty) playing. just so you know... i had just been running around with them so i sound a little out of breath and i also make a gun shooting sound to egg her on. rusty, as you can see, likes to try to keep up.

i will whole heartedly admit that i am one of those people that considers her pets to be hairy four-legged children. i love my pets very much and i can't imagine my life without them. if you frequently read my blog, you know just how much i love animals and that is usually animals that i don't own. the ones that i do own... well, lets just say that it borders on the fanatical.

i have had pets all of my life. my first pet was Andy, a tortoiseshell cat. her name is short for Andromeda. clash of the titans had just come and my mom liked the guy that played Perseus. harry something i think. he also did that show la law. remember? then later andy had kittens and we had emily. i named her but i don't remember why i liked the name emily. she had kittens and emily and the kittens disappeared. one day they were here... next day they were gone. give me a break here... i was 6 at the time. then we had a dog named sasha. that lasted a couple of months. we took her to a friend that had lots of land that sasha could run around in. (note: as much as we want to think that kids and dogs go well together... they really don't. i see it all the time at the dog park. the kids get freaked out, start running. the dogs thinks its a game and chase the child. the child goes into hysterics and everyone is upset. kids are ready for dogs when they are taller than the dog. even then... that rule applies to your dog not anyone elses. no children at the dog park. despite how much it makes me laugh to see the terrorized kids... it's just bad all the way around.) then a few years later my mom and i got eggroll. he was MY cat. a siamese mix, cross-eyed and wonderful. we would play hide and go seek and hide the eggroll in the basket. i loved that cat soooooo much when i was 10 he got the tip of his tail stuck in something and broke it so after that he had a jaunty little hook in his tail. he pawed my face once when we were playing and his claw scratched my eyelid. it almost hit my eye. i was screaming and he was scared that he was in trouble but it was an accident. eggroll died of pancreatic cancer. i was away at college in england. i was very upset. but before that, my mom got kira. another siamese mix... crazy as a loon. kira had endometriosis and used to drive us nuts with the yowelling. but then we got her fixed and she chilled out (kinda, she is still nuts) Andy died of old age. i was in my twenties when it happened. andy was like 18 or 19 years old when it happened. made me sad but she had a great life. when i was in college out in west texas, i found a stray and named him bill. i loved bill. he was named for the cat in the bloom county comic strip. bill was fugly when i brought him home. he was sick with an upper respiratory infection and his fur was stuck out in odd directions. my wonderful, tolerant roommate, Bear, let me keep him. bill was about the size of a large apple when i found him. now he is a whopping 20ish pound cat. he is huge. half main coon and half ragdoll cat. and he is pretty now too. when i moved to england for the year that i did my apprenticeship, my mom took him in. she had just gotten a new cat named bryner, named after yul bryner from the king and i as the cat was another siamese mix. bryner looks like marlin brando if you ask me. so my mom now had kira, bryner and now bill. and i had nothing. about 3 years ago,i worked at a vet clinic and fostered a kitten that had been hit by a car and had to have it's lag amputated. i named her clover but she never answered to it. one day i called her peapie and she started answering to that so the name peapie stuck. she is calico and my beautiful girl. she can really get around on those three legs! she rules the roost and keeps the dogs in line.

as for dogs... we have The Black Pearl. she's neigh uncatchable. her race name was caz's daisy. that's a dumb name so i changed it. we got her from the racing dog rescue project and she is a blessing. when we got her, we lived in a one bedroom apt. for being as big as she is... she takes up very little room (except in the bed. i have often been kicked out of the bed by the dog because she's so big). she won 3 out of 7 races before breaking he leg on the track. it was never set as they were going to put her down but he race dog rescue people swooped in and saved her. now she has a bit of a gimp in that leg but as you can see she runs just fine. she is lovable, gentle and playful. she likes to take her toys out of her toy box and puts them on her bed in the bedroom. we don't know why but its cute. then for christmas this year, i got himself a miniature pincher. that dog got a lot of personality. Rusty is our watchdog, bodyguard and legwarmer. he loves to cuddle under the blankets and sleep in the crook of my legs behind my knees. he barks at the pond at our apt complex because a turtle scared him once and now he feels that he should give the pond a piece of his mind at every opportunity. frogs are his enemy and he thinks that he is the biggest dog in the dog park-- taking on pits, dobies, rotties, and great danes. he even has a spiked collar.

rounding out our pets are peanut and mr ages. mr ages is a parakeet that has yet to learn to talk but we are working on it. and peanut is our blind white mouse. she is up on the entertainment center to stay out of the predators way. here are some pics of my non-human family.

this is Bill on my last visit home. he is doing what he does best... getting into something that he shouldn't.

here is pearl in here favorite spot on the couch. she usually sleeps with her eyes and mouth open. she looks like special ed fred in this pic.

this is peanut. she is blind which is common for albino mice. she spends most of her time either in her wheel or sleeping in her coconut hut.

Rusty, here, is wanting to invite the ducks for dinner. he stands on his back legs a lot. its pretty to watch.

meet mr ages. he is named for the mouse in the secret of nimh. he likes to watch the birds from the window and to keep a running commentary of the shenanigans of the mammals

this is my peapie. isn't she a cutey. you may have seen her before as i have featured her on my blog in the past.

here is pearl and rusty in the dog yard at my apt complex. they play very well together and are the darlings of the complex. most of the other dogs love having play dates with them.

once, i tried to make a dog sweater for a friend. i tried it on peapie to see how it looked. she gave me the bitch face and didn't speak to me for a week afterwards

peapie wants to go out on the lanni and rusty wants to eat mr ages.

this is boomer. we owned him for a year but he was not the right dog for us. he was very loving to people but wanted to eat other dogs. he was a corgie-pitt bull mix. yeah, weird. but he was given a wonderful home with a really nice lady and he is much happier with her.

this is peapie, the first week i brought her home to be fostered. she still had stitches and she hated that cone but it was funny as hell to look at.

i wanna be a producer with a hit show on broadway

i'm gonna let all of y'all in on a little secret. i really really like broadway shows. i admit that i'm a bit of a geek when i comes to theatre (actually, on the whole, i am a bit of a geek in general so it really shouldn't be a surprise that i am a theatre geek as well.) so why am i bring up the obvious? i was just thinking the other day about the two shows that i want to bring to broadway, the great white way. y'all are pretty clever folks that read my blog so you are assuming that those shows are Nightmare Before Christmas and Rent. hold on, tat2kitten, i hear you asking. nightmare before christmas is a movie and rent is already on broadway. let me explain.

some of you may not know that i have a bit of a passion for sign language. i think that it is the most beautiful spoken language ever and i have tried for many years to learn to speak it and make it a second language. a few years ago, there was a production of Big River (tom sawyer, huck finn that hole thing) and the whole show was both sung out loud and with sign language. it was more than a show. it was a beautiful production that was grand and exquisite and everything theatre should be. well... since i love sign language and i love rent... why not put the two together. if they can do it with a crappy show like big river than rent would be a sensual celebration. imagine two mimi's that interchange seamlessly, one grinding against the scaffolding and one signing the lyrics. or a roger that plays guitar while sign language roger stands beside while his fingers dance the lyrics. i would want to stick as closely as possible to the original blocking and choreography but enhancing it with sign language. it would be spectacular. just thinking about it makes me excited to attempt it.

the other project that i would love to tackle is putting nightmare before christmas on stage. disney is putting everything on stage nowadays. for gods sake, last season they put up tarzan. tarzan! and now they have that damn fish girl. the reviews of Little Mermaid were terrible. well, they were fun to read but bad for disney. one said that the only people that would like little mermaid on stage would be glitter crazy 5 year old girls and somewhat psychotic drag queens. that pretty much sums it up right there. why should disney keep putting up schmaltzy shit? why not put up a uuber cool cult classic. now, i have actually been working on this one. i have a notebook that i jot down ideas in. the set should look like the film which looks like edward gory stuff. the costumes should be an enhancement to the the film, but also broadway-y. i hear you asking yourself, "self, that is all well and good for tat2kitten but what about the magic-y-ness." well. let me just remind you that Himself is a magician. problem solved. i have notes for just about every aspect of the show. costume, lights, set, production staff and even casting. my imaginary casting is as ever changing as the sea but currently this is where i stand.

the narrator: (this is a tricky role as it could be an actual actor, a voiceover or double cast with santa) if its an actual part= john hurt (mr ollivander in harry potter and also the storyteller from jim henson) if its a voiceover= either patrick stewart or tim curry, if it is double cast with santa= tim curry, john goodman or kevin james from king of queens.

jack skellington: my friend chris crouch, an excellent singer, dancer, and actor plus the fact that he's hot as shit.

sally: either amy adams (giselle from enchanted) or amy lee (lead singer of evanescence)

Oogie Boogie: it has to be ben vereen

lock: max casella (in newsies and doogie houser md)

shock: vanessa ray (25th annual putnum county spelling bee- national tour and finding nemo: the musical)

barrel: patrick stump (fall out boy)

santa: i don't know. any of the gents that i mentioned above like tim curry or john goodman or kevin james. or some other wonderful guy that i haven't thought of.

the mayor: timothy spall (wormtail in harry potter and nathanal in enchanted)

that's my list so far. and if anyone wants to let disney know that i have some great ideas and that i work for cheep, that would be fine with me.

what do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?

so. whist i was on my honeymoon, there was a (dare i say) phenominon that was occuring all around me. there were hundreds, hundreds of little girls that were running around with thier hair pulled into cute little up-dos, most in princess costumes and all covered in glitter. to say that i was jealous would be putting it mildly. i asked several women who had daughters gussied up, where thier girls had gone to get princessed and if they thought that a grown up could do it to. turns out that disney has a little 'ole spa geared specifically to little girls. it's called the Bibbiti Bobbiti Boutique. for the right price, your little princess could be transformed into her favorite princess. they can have thier hair, make up, nails, and wardrobe done. complete with fairy dust. how much did i want to do all that. so much. stupid toddlers and their stupid glitter. anyway... to say that i like dressing up in funny costumes and prancing around like a fool would be like saying that the pope kinda likes to pray and hang out with jesus people. the best thing about my job as an artist model is that i get to live out my desires to release my inner drag queen. in the past, i have been know to wear various mixing bowls as hats (a fine photo that my mom loves to show at any given time). every halloween, i try to outdo myself and i hate to wear the same costume more than once. i have been a fairy, a unicorn, the bride of frankenstine and a she devil. on stage, i have worn some great costumes. the bigger, shinier and elaborate... the better. i have even had a fab costume made for my art classes. below are just a few pictures of me in some of my favorite costumes

my buddy, wyllym, made this gorgouse marie anntoinette dress for me. the whole thing was built in branson, mo while i was cooling my heels in florida. it is so popular with the art students that for 3 weeks after premiring the dress, every professor asked me to wear it in thier classes. the wig is one that i bought on ebay.

this little gem was made for the Ringling College of Art and Design's fund raiser. the theme was television. so of course i had to go as the NBC peacock. it was a big hit with everyone. i made this one myself. the tail is a fan from a chines resturant that i spray painted and glittered up. i tied it to my sholders with a scarf that ran under my arms and up behind my head. gusts of wind were my enemy that night.

this was my costume for Cabaret. obviously. i loved doing this show. my dad hates this costume. i wonder why?

this was a halloween costume that i made for a costume contest that was being held my job. at the time, i worked for a lumber company from which i was fired. i went as a peacock. the tail was a pair of modified angel wings that i got from the party store. i then bought over 200 peacock feathers from ebay which i hand sewed to the wings. then i reinforced the feathers with hot glue. i sewed the blue spraklely fabric to a corset that i alread owned and wore a little blue dress underneath. i did my make up as if i were wearing a mask and covered myself in glitter. the costume cost me a little over $200 to make. i won a $25 gift certificate to wal-mart. and i was fired. oh well. this was my wonderful costume for Suessical. 60 pounds of feathers, sequins, and fabulousness. i played Mayzie La Bird and that costume was one of the coolest things i've ever worn.

diets can lick my lizard

so i have started a new diet. i really hate diets. diets are the single greatest threat to american decency and all that is pure on God's green creation. with that being said, i have started a new diet.

i have always been... how to put this delicately... a chunky monkey? "big boned"? reubenesque? my weight has always been an issue. i remember being teased as a child on the playground. but kids are dicks at any age and i really (honestly) don't remember what was said. i just remember that it happened. (like, i remember getting a black eye from walking in front of the swings but the details are all pretty hazy) anyway, as i got older and went through the cursed "puppy stage", my weight problems didn't get any better. now, i distinctly remember being teased by certain family members about how i looked and other "well meaning " family members giving me their two cents on how i should look. (note to anyone that is in a family-- if you have someone that is chunky in your family, believe me, they know that they have a weight problem. you reminding them and offering "help" is counterproductive and you are only making things worse. so just keep you flapping lips shut. just thought that you should know) one specific person in my family teased me in order to help me. it didn't, it just gave me a complex. but after a while i grew into myself and actually became kinda hot. well, i had big tata's anyway. then i went to college. it wasn't until my sophomore year of college that i really started packing on the pounds. i wasn't as active and yadda yadda yadda, by the time i graduated i had gained some poundage. then i was married to a guy. he was a real gem. he would remind me about how much weight i had gained since he'd met me and that if i didn't loose it that he would seek out a women that looked the way he thought that i should look and have sex with her. i divorced his ass. now i am married to a man that is a bit like mark darcy from bridget jones' diary. he likes me just as i am. he married a chunky monkey and is content with that. (don't get me wrong. it's not like i have my own gravitational pull or have to have a fork lift just to get up from the couch, i am just chunky. that's all.)

so. i decided to get the figure that i left back at college. not because i am vain. not because anyone asked me too. i just think that i should take care of myself for Himself, just as he will take care of himself for me. that and i don't like most of the clothes from Hefty's Hideaway. they are either too expensive, too awkward, or fugly as ass-ola. that and i want to look cute when i get pregnant. not like some behemoth waddling through the food court at the mall. don't pretend like you haven't seen them. i want to look pregnant. not just fat in a weird way.

i have been on that alli diet. yeah. i know. you have to be careful or you'll get the runs from hell, but so far so good. i am eating what i am supposed to and in the portions that i'm supposed to and i am really sticking to it. let me just tell you though... i am hungry. i just ate, but i am hungry and all i want to do is a face plant into a big 'ole chocolate cake and eat my out. 'cause i LOOOVE chocolate. almost anything chocolate. so that will be my achilles' heel -- the mighty chocolate. so the battle is on. i hope i win.