every time i go to wal-mart, there is an opportunity for me to photograph the oddballs that frequent said store and exploit them via the interweb. on a side note... jess and i had thought up the idea of "people of wal-mart" long before that website swept the web but we just didn't do anything about it. if you haven't been to peopleofwalmart.com, go there now. i can wait. back so soon? see? isn't it the funniest site? brilliant!
tonight was no different as far as possible specimens to photograph and mock. including but not limited to a young man working one of the registers wearing skinny jeans, with pale ass skin, jet black hair and other trappings worthy of pete wentz. oddly enough, he was wearing a name tag that read "ashlee". sorry but that shit was funny.
i asked my cashier if his name really was ashlee. i mean, it is possible that ashlee was his given name. look at gone with the wind. scarlett spends most of the book (and film) mooning over ashley wilkes. granted... it's not really considered a boy name anymore but it certainly could be. my cashier (an older woman) said that she thought that his legal given name was earnest. even better. i proceeded to make a sociological joke about how teens think that now one ever has or will understand them. and that by showing their individuality, they all end up looking the same as every other teen. (a point, i believe, i have made in past posts) well... old lady cashier interrupts saying, "well, in the bible, it says that we should love, first and foremost. jesus tells us that we should love one another and not judge." i looked at her and said, "i'm covered in tattoos. who am i to cast the first stone?" i'll take your jesus quote and raise you one, bitch.
1. why can't any of these frickin bible thumpers listen to what is being said instead of jumping to their own conclusions. and therefore judging the speaker, which old lady cashier said jesus said not to do? bitch, you don't know me. i bet i can out quote you in bible. i took two semesters of it in college, was a summer missionary for 6 years, went to a baptist university and was the vice president for the fellowship of christian students. i know my damn bible. i know what jesus said and i don't need you to tell me. you throwing jesus and/or the bible in my face to make your point just makes me tune you out. you become demoted to the level of religious zealot. and that just makes people uncomfortable like one of those crazy people who wear a sandwich board that says that the end is near.
2. why can't these same thumpers take a damn joke. i mean, really. i read an extremely funny book called, lamb by christopher moore. basically, it is the (fictional) gospel of biff, jesus' best friend. it is rather irreverent but very hilarious. but i'm pretty sure that old lady cashier would be the first to throw Lamb onto the bonfire. jesus is always portrayed with that droopy sad face but i have a feeling that he could totally hang. he's the son of god and god made giraffes and platypus and lady gaga. i know that god can hang and has one hell of a sense of humor. all i'm saying is... people need to lighten up.
this life is too damn short to take yourself so seriously. now, i will be the first to admit that i wear my heart on my sleeve and as a general rule, my face is an open window to my thoughts and feelings. being so emotive is good in that most everyone can plainly see how you are feeling. but it leaves one exposed. i feel very deeply and transversely i can be hurt, emotionally, very deeply. but i am learning to let it all roll off my back. a hard lesson, to be sure, but this world will add enough stress of it's own without my help. as the song says: Life is just a bowl of cherries. don't take it serious; life's too mysterious. so live and laugh. laugh and love. live, love, laugh at it all.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Back in the saddle again
So. it has been far too long since i have written on this blog. and now, with the recent drive to open and run my own yarn shop, i plan to really utilize this medium and record my thoughts and actions for those who care to read it (which, less face it, is no one because no one reads this blog) however, i hope to drum up interest in both me and my (currently non-existent) yarn shop, Knitterbugs of New Braunfels (it's a working title)
so... to catch you up on the last year...
in April of '09, Himself and i moved from sunny Florida to the greatest state of all, Texas. i worked at a bookstore while Himself searched for work, which turned out to be a bitch of a task as he was too qualified to do most work even within his field. after about a month at the bookstore, i scored a job at a theme park within their entertainment dept. of course it was in the costume dept and i hadn't sat a sewing machine in almost 10 years. but quite honestly, i wasn't half bad. i made several pieces for several shows and even made a few articles of clothing for myself (some without a pattern, which is no easy feat, let me tell you) after about 6 months, i moved to the tech dept (much more up my alley, i must admit) and have been doing tech work ever since.
do i like it?
yes.
am i frustrated as hell?
usually.
gotta lay it on the line for you here, dear readers, theatre and "entertainment" are not the same thing, no matter how one may tart itself up as the other. i have theatrical experience out the effin ass but here it tends to be all for naught. so that is why i want to open my own yarn shop. (which isn't totally true but makes for dramatic effect)
i want it to have all the warm coziness of a nest. a big work table where people can test the yarns, bring their projects to work on and gossip, or just sit and thumb through pattern books. i want to teach others how to create soft fluffy things by wielding sharp pointy sticks and/or a hook. i want to spearhead charities that will utilize my talents and give back to the community. there will be hardwood floors (or at least look like hardwood) and a reading corner. the shelves will be busting with gorgeous yarns of every color and texture. sock yarns, bamboo silks, hand painted yarns, thick chunky wools, delicate cashmere and angora. warm bamboo needles and hooks that feel like an extension of your hand which gives the yarn shape and purpose and allows you to bend the fibers to your will. i want to pass along the passion i have for homemade goods and give my customers a place to sell their own creations on commission. in my mind's eye it is inviting and warm and perfect. i can't wait to see what this venture unfolds.
so why now? why a yarn shop? can't people buy yarn at wal-mart or a another chain craft store?
sure they can... if they want run of the mill yarn. but for hard core, die hard yarn crafters, wal-mart ain't gonna cut it. there is something quite intoxicating about walking into a shop filled with all the lush beauty of premiere yarns. i have a friend at work. he is as passionate about carpentry and building, as i am about yarn and yarn craft. hardware stores are his church and he worships gladly at the alter of craftsmanship. blood, sweat and (sometimes) tears go in to his projects and while our focus is definitely skewed, it is our kindred spirit in our varying crafts that link us as friends (and why we should both be supervised when going into stores catering to our passions i.e. yarn shops and hardware stores.) when a passion ignites the soul, it is hard to extinguish the flame. i want to feed the flame so that consumes others. i want others to taste the empowerment of making something out of nothing. that is why i want to open my own shop.
as for the "why now"... why not? granted, i'm only in my 30's but i'm not getting any younger. and as i always say... a life lived in fear is a life half lived. i understand very well that i may fail at opening my shop. i understand that it may just be a pipe dream that will never come to a reality. but, for those of you who know me, well... you know that i'm not easily dissuaded by a fear. i wanted to work in theatre professionally and i did. i wanted to teach myself to knit and crochet and i did. i wanted to teach myself to bake bread and to cook on a hobby gourmet level and i did. once i have made up my mind to do something, i'm like a bull shark. i won't let go. i won't relent until my goal is reached.
so there it is. to be honest, i may not be able to write everyday. but i will make a great effort to write as much as i can. to keep everyone in the loop, as it were. there are great things on the horizon. i'll be interested to see how it all unfolds from here.
so... to catch you up on the last year...
in April of '09, Himself and i moved from sunny Florida to the greatest state of all, Texas. i worked at a bookstore while Himself searched for work, which turned out to be a bitch of a task as he was too qualified to do most work even within his field. after about a month at the bookstore, i scored a job at a theme park within their entertainment dept. of course it was in the costume dept and i hadn't sat a sewing machine in almost 10 years. but quite honestly, i wasn't half bad. i made several pieces for several shows and even made a few articles of clothing for myself (some without a pattern, which is no easy feat, let me tell you) after about 6 months, i moved to the tech dept (much more up my alley, i must admit) and have been doing tech work ever since.
do i like it?
yes.
am i frustrated as hell?
usually.
gotta lay it on the line for you here, dear readers, theatre and "entertainment" are not the same thing, no matter how one may tart itself up as the other. i have theatrical experience out the effin ass but here it tends to be all for naught. so that is why i want to open my own yarn shop. (which isn't totally true but makes for dramatic effect)
i want it to have all the warm coziness of a nest. a big work table where people can test the yarns, bring their projects to work on and gossip, or just sit and thumb through pattern books. i want to teach others how to create soft fluffy things by wielding sharp pointy sticks and/or a hook. i want to spearhead charities that will utilize my talents and give back to the community. there will be hardwood floors (or at least look like hardwood) and a reading corner. the shelves will be busting with gorgeous yarns of every color and texture. sock yarns, bamboo silks, hand painted yarns, thick chunky wools, delicate cashmere and angora. warm bamboo needles and hooks that feel like an extension of your hand which gives the yarn shape and purpose and allows you to bend the fibers to your will. i want to pass along the passion i have for homemade goods and give my customers a place to sell their own creations on commission. in my mind's eye it is inviting and warm and perfect. i can't wait to see what this venture unfolds.
so why now? why a yarn shop? can't people buy yarn at wal-mart or a another chain craft store?
sure they can... if they want run of the mill yarn. but for hard core, die hard yarn crafters, wal-mart ain't gonna cut it. there is something quite intoxicating about walking into a shop filled with all the lush beauty of premiere yarns. i have a friend at work. he is as passionate about carpentry and building, as i am about yarn and yarn craft. hardware stores are his church and he worships gladly at the alter of craftsmanship. blood, sweat and (sometimes) tears go in to his projects and while our focus is definitely skewed, it is our kindred spirit in our varying crafts that link us as friends (and why we should both be supervised when going into stores catering to our passions i.e. yarn shops and hardware stores.) when a passion ignites the soul, it is hard to extinguish the flame. i want to feed the flame so that consumes others. i want others to taste the empowerment of making something out of nothing. that is why i want to open my own shop.
as for the "why now"... why not? granted, i'm only in my 30's but i'm not getting any younger. and as i always say... a life lived in fear is a life half lived. i understand very well that i may fail at opening my shop. i understand that it may just be a pipe dream that will never come to a reality. but, for those of you who know me, well... you know that i'm not easily dissuaded by a fear. i wanted to work in theatre professionally and i did. i wanted to teach myself to knit and crochet and i did. i wanted to teach myself to bake bread and to cook on a hobby gourmet level and i did. once i have made up my mind to do something, i'm like a bull shark. i won't let go. i won't relent until my goal is reached.
so there it is. to be honest, i may not be able to write everyday. but i will make a great effort to write as much as i can. to keep everyone in the loop, as it were. there are great things on the horizon. i'll be interested to see how it all unfolds from here.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
regrets
regret is a funny thing. it sneaks up on you unawares, at times, and makes you remember. remembering isn't so bad as regret; it's the remembering of things best left forgotten that is waring on the soul. as with most people, i have many regrets in my life. i really try not to dwell on these things as i tend to beat myself up about issues, whether i am at fault or not. it's just in my nature; it's who i am. i think that this trait is what gives me the deep seeded desire to please people and make people happy.
the last few weeks have been heavy on my heart and maybe the venting/musing/addressing of these things will help lift this burden. there are so many things that i regret doing and, transversely, not doing. it's the things that are unsaid and the things that should never have been said. i regret marrying my ex-husband. i suppose that i will always have the bruises and scars that he left on me, despite the fact that the physical evidence of abuse have long since healed. i thought that i was supposed to "wait until marriage". that was what the preacher said. "wait until marriage". my ex told me that the only reason he asked me to marry him was so that i would have sex with him. he told me this a year and a half into our marriage. ass. and i was a fool. a young, naive fool who thought that if she tried harder and loved stronger, then her marriage would work out. love has to go both ways, and there came a point where i couldn't give anymore, for i had nothing left to give. i grew to fear him and i hated him and i regret that i didn't get myself out of that situation sooner.
i regret going to college straight out of high school. my senior year of high school was when i looked my best (in my humble opinion). i was a mere size 10 and i was singing and dancing everyday. true, by attending college, i gained valuable stage technique and i learned a great deal about my craft, but i looked hot coming out of high school and looks are what count in this business. no one truly knows how hard i have had to work at loosing the 50 or so pounds which i lost this year. and sometimes i feel that if i had gone straight to NYC, perhaps... well... maybe things would be different for me. maybe not better, but definitely different.
i have some other regrets that are a little too fresh and the wound is still a little too raw to delve into at this time. there was recently a moment that i should have taken action. there were words that should have been said, but the moment has long past and all i am left with are "what if's". i know in my heart of hearts that i missed my opportunity and that knowledge has carved a small hole within. some days, i barely notice that the hole is there. it's as if the what if's and maybe's have been blown away like puffs of smoke. but then i face the days where i am all to aware of my regret and it feels like there is a bruise on my heart. hearts break and mend every day and i know that there will come a day when the memory is no longer tender to the touch. until that day, i will soldier on as best i can. mending and slowly forgetting.
they say that the best thing about regret is that it is never too late. this is true. unfortunately, fear creates a wall that is sometimes to difficult to overcome. fear can be a paralyzing force that will hinder every choice you are faced with. so essentially, regret is fear. at the base of most of my regret is the element of fear. well, except the regret i have about not buy a certain pair of shoes. god, i should have bought those shoes. but most everything else is tinged with fear. i was afraid of failure, so i didn't go to NYC. i was afraid of rejection, so i never told him that i loved him. i was afraid of ridicule, so i went along with the crowd, knowing that they were wrong. you see, crippling fear will best the strongest of us. my only hope is to take what i have learned and stand up and proudly be just me. and if i don't fear the outcome, i shall never again feel the pangs of regret because at least i tried. i loved. i experienced. and i did it all completely and whole heartedly. live. life is a banquet and most poor bastards are starving to death.
the last few weeks have been heavy on my heart and maybe the venting/musing/addressing of these things will help lift this burden. there are so many things that i regret doing and, transversely, not doing. it's the things that are unsaid and the things that should never have been said. i regret marrying my ex-husband. i suppose that i will always have the bruises and scars that he left on me, despite the fact that the physical evidence of abuse have long since healed. i thought that i was supposed to "wait until marriage". that was what the preacher said. "wait until marriage". my ex told me that the only reason he asked me to marry him was so that i would have sex with him. he told me this a year and a half into our marriage. ass. and i was a fool. a young, naive fool who thought that if she tried harder and loved stronger, then her marriage would work out. love has to go both ways, and there came a point where i couldn't give anymore, for i had nothing left to give. i grew to fear him and i hated him and i regret that i didn't get myself out of that situation sooner.
i regret going to college straight out of high school. my senior year of high school was when i looked my best (in my humble opinion). i was a mere size 10 and i was singing and dancing everyday. true, by attending college, i gained valuable stage technique and i learned a great deal about my craft, but i looked hot coming out of high school and looks are what count in this business. no one truly knows how hard i have had to work at loosing the 50 or so pounds which i lost this year. and sometimes i feel that if i had gone straight to NYC, perhaps... well... maybe things would be different for me. maybe not better, but definitely different.
i have some other regrets that are a little too fresh and the wound is still a little too raw to delve into at this time. there was recently a moment that i should have taken action. there were words that should have been said, but the moment has long past and all i am left with are "what if's". i know in my heart of hearts that i missed my opportunity and that knowledge has carved a small hole within. some days, i barely notice that the hole is there. it's as if the what if's and maybe's have been blown away like puffs of smoke. but then i face the days where i am all to aware of my regret and it feels like there is a bruise on my heart. hearts break and mend every day and i know that there will come a day when the memory is no longer tender to the touch. until that day, i will soldier on as best i can. mending and slowly forgetting.
they say that the best thing about regret is that it is never too late. this is true. unfortunately, fear creates a wall that is sometimes to difficult to overcome. fear can be a paralyzing force that will hinder every choice you are faced with. so essentially, regret is fear. at the base of most of my regret is the element of fear. well, except the regret i have about not buy a certain pair of shoes. god, i should have bought those shoes. but most everything else is tinged with fear. i was afraid of failure, so i didn't go to NYC. i was afraid of rejection, so i never told him that i loved him. i was afraid of ridicule, so i went along with the crowd, knowing that they were wrong. you see, crippling fear will best the strongest of us. my only hope is to take what i have learned and stand up and proudly be just me. and if i don't fear the outcome, i shall never again feel the pangs of regret because at least i tried. i loved. i experienced. and i did it all completely and whole heartedly. live. life is a banquet and most poor bastards are starving to death.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
the blues
i like the blues. always have. i love to listen to those smokey standards sung in a dimly lit bar by a beautiful woman lounging on a piano in a sparkling gown. i have never been one to write songs. i wrote bad emo poetry back in high school, before there was such a thing as emo, but i never felt like i could write song lyrics. and god help me, every time i tried to write music, it would come out sounding like everything i do, i do it for you. this is my shame. i will sing you every song from every musical i have ever seen but i can't write it myself.
well tonight is the night. i got the inspiration to write these lyrics while at work and wrote it down as soon as i got home. just remember that this is a first draft and i've never written a song before. so, please, be gentle. also picture me singing it in a seedy bar filled with a blue smokey haze in a sparkling gown, lounging across a piano
i am not that girl by tat2kitten
my longing could fill the sea
with just one glance at me
you melt my willing soul
my hope could soar above
if i could feel your love
your heart's an unreachable goal
for i am not the girl
i wanna share your world
to kiss away your care
your worry and fear
but i am not the girl
my dreams reach out for you
my heart is broken in two
cause i want you in my life
like a moth drawn to the flame
my desire does the same
you burn me with your eyes
for i am not the girl
i wanna share your world
to feel the touch of your skin
why won't you let me in?
cause i am not the girl
confuse me
abuse me
enslave me
only your love can save me
but i am not the girl
i wanna share your world
to kiss away your care
your worry and your fear
but i am not the girl
to feel the touch of your skin
baby, please let me in
oh no
i am not the girl
well tonight is the night. i got the inspiration to write these lyrics while at work and wrote it down as soon as i got home. just remember that this is a first draft and i've never written a song before. so, please, be gentle. also picture me singing it in a seedy bar filled with a blue smokey haze in a sparkling gown, lounging across a piano
i am not that girl by tat2kitten
my longing could fill the sea
with just one glance at me
you melt my willing soul
my hope could soar above
if i could feel your love
your heart's an unreachable goal
for i am not the girl
i wanna share your world
to kiss away your care
your worry and fear
but i am not the girl
my dreams reach out for you
my heart is broken in two
cause i want you in my life
like a moth drawn to the flame
my desire does the same
you burn me with your eyes
for i am not the girl
i wanna share your world
to feel the touch of your skin
why won't you let me in?
cause i am not the girl
confuse me
abuse me
enslave me
only your love can save me
but i am not the girl
i wanna share your world
to kiss away your care
your worry and your fear
but i am not the girl
to feel the touch of your skin
baby, please let me in
oh no
i am not the girl
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Little Wonders
there are times, and i think that i can speak for most people, that i am overwhelmed, overworked, under appreciated, under valued and simply downtrodden. hopefully not all at once... but there are those times when you feel that your essence is sapped from you and you wonder how you can keep your head above water. some people turn to their distraction of choice, be it drugs, drink, cigars ;) chocolate or any other external substance that will make it all better. my chocolate is sitting next to me at the moment. some people will exercise their blues away. not me buddy. i'm too lazy for that. i, personally, simply like to be held -- even for just a moment. i sometimes think that i don't get enough of that. isn't it funny, the things that one ends up compromising in relationships.
anyway. there is a great song, one of my favorites, called Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. it was the featured song in the film Meet the Robinsons by Disney. Rob Thomas said that he wrote it after watching his dog enjoying the wind blowing in its face while they walked in the park. there is a lesson to be learned from that little dog. enjoy the simple pleasures of life. the sun warming your skin. the smell of newly opened blossoms. the sound of a cat's purr. the things that we take for granted in life which are tiny gifts for us to enjoy, they are what make life worth living.
Little Wonders by Rob Thomas
Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain
anyway. there is a great song, one of my favorites, called Little Wonders by Rob Thomas. it was the featured song in the film Meet the Robinsons by Disney. Rob Thomas said that he wrote it after watching his dog enjoying the wind blowing in its face while they walked in the park. there is a lesson to be learned from that little dog. enjoy the simple pleasures of life. the sun warming your skin. the smell of newly opened blossoms. the sound of a cat's purr. the things that we take for granted in life which are tiny gifts for us to enjoy, they are what make life worth living.
Little Wonders by Rob Thomas
Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
the customer is always right (in their own mind)
well, kids...
i'm back in retail. and i am back at a book store. bonus. as some of you may know, i once worked at a book store chain and left for weird circumstances. but that is all behind me now as i have a great job, which i thoroughly enjoy at a new book store chain. and i'm not just saying all that because my boss might read my blog. i've said it before... working at a book store is great if you are at customer service because everyone that comes in the store assumes that you have read all the books that you sell. they ask you in almost reverent tones where they too might find a book which could offer them such enlightenment. it's like you are a librarian that doesn't shout at people for being too loud. sometimes you will have a customer that is stupefied that you can't find "that book with the word blue in the title that that guy on the radio was talking about this morning" "well, what radio station, ma'am?" "oh, i don't know. my kids were listening to it." and of course the that is the only information that they have to give. let me just say... i'm good, but i'm not that good. i once had a woman ask me to find "that book with the word wolf in the title". it wasn't about wolves but had a wolf on the cover. do you know how many books have the word "wolf" in the title? after scrolling through about 64 titles, i gave up and told her to just call when she had more info. on my first day at my new job, i had someone ask me for the "new" bram stoker novel. stoker died in 1912. i don't think that he has had anything published in a while. i have a friend who worked for the same company as myself and he had a frustrated woman that wanted a specific edition of the new testament. i say frustrated because at reaching her wits end in not finding what she wanted, turned to him and asked pleadingly, "when did they start putting the old and new testaments together?" oh, i don't know, like 300 AD. god, i love those strange few customers that give my blog fodder.
i've only been working at the store for a little less than a month, but already i have had some folks that defy normalcy. there is one guy that used to hang out at my old bookstore that now hangs out at my new bookstore. that man gives me the heebie jeebies. to me, he looks like what i imagine gollum would have looked like if instead of lurking in the depths of the misty mountains, had moved to a trailer park and eaten twinkies while he fondled "the precious". needless to say, i tend to stay on the other side of the store when i see this fellow. i'm sure he's nice but i tend to judge on my instincts and my instincts tell me to run away, run away! we have our share of oddballs, sure. like the old guys that buy a readers digest, paula dean's newest cookbook and the best of lesbian erotica of 2008. or the emo kids that think that they look very individualistic but actually look like the other group of emo kids that just left, who looked like the other emo kids that were there the night before. there is always at least one parent, every shift, that can not or will not control their child/ children. and there is at least one perv (probably trailer park gollum) that leaves random bits of porn all over the store. thank god, i like my co-workers
that is the thing about retail... it is a lot easier to get through a shift when you enjoy working with the staff. my last bookstore had a fun group of booksellers but the manager was difficult and looked like a giraffe. not that she was difficult because she looked like a giraffe, but she did and she was. i don't know what her deal was but she always seemed to not like me. it happens. i was good at my job, great at upselling, gift co-ordinating, and customer service but i was never "good enough" to achieve the employee of the month. and it was obvious to the entire staff that she purposely skipped me every month. so i took it upon myself to buy a oversized novelty button that read, "employee of the month" and wore it under my name tag. if anyone congratulated me on my "achievement" i would politely explain that it was a joke and that the actual EOTM was whomever it happened to be at that time. everyone would laugh and i would carry on with my work. perhaps my sassiness is why i no longer work there. this group i've now joined seem to be able to take a bit of sass and dish out some of their own. thank god. it's just a job, not life or death. they are just books. in the end all will be ok, so just work hard and enjoy it, eh?
but i guess that is the most important part of having a job. to enjoy. i don't work in offices because, i am too much of a free spirit. i get bored and then i get feisty, then i get fired. i have worked so many places (one of the many drawbacks of working in theatre professionally -- you have to supplement your income somehow.) but i find that doing a job where i get to assist people in some way, i like to think that i excel (or at least am kinda good). i enjoy the environment of being surrounded by books. i may not be much of a writer but i can absorb the power of the written word from the great minds that have gone before and paved the way for the next tolkin, Shakespeare, rowling and dickens. the next great name in literature may frequent my store and just maybe i will be the one that leads them to the book that fuels the flames of their literary career. the next Pulitzer prize winning author may be standing on the other side of the counter from me. watch it be trailer park gollum. *skeevy*
i'm back in retail. and i am back at a book store. bonus. as some of you may know, i once worked at a book store chain and left for weird circumstances. but that is all behind me now as i have a great job, which i thoroughly enjoy at a new book store chain. and i'm not just saying all that because my boss might read my blog. i've said it before... working at a book store is great if you are at customer service because everyone that comes in the store assumes that you have read all the books that you sell. they ask you in almost reverent tones where they too might find a book which could offer them such enlightenment. it's like you are a librarian that doesn't shout at people for being too loud. sometimes you will have a customer that is stupefied that you can't find "that book with the word blue in the title that that guy on the radio was talking about this morning" "well, what radio station, ma'am?" "oh, i don't know. my kids were listening to it." and of course the that is the only information that they have to give. let me just say... i'm good, but i'm not that good. i once had a woman ask me to find "that book with the word wolf in the title". it wasn't about wolves but had a wolf on the cover. do you know how many books have the word "wolf" in the title? after scrolling through about 64 titles, i gave up and told her to just call when she had more info. on my first day at my new job, i had someone ask me for the "new" bram stoker novel. stoker died in 1912. i don't think that he has had anything published in a while. i have a friend who worked for the same company as myself and he had a frustrated woman that wanted a specific edition of the new testament. i say frustrated because at reaching her wits end in not finding what she wanted, turned to him and asked pleadingly, "when did they start putting the old and new testaments together?" oh, i don't know, like 300 AD. god, i love those strange few customers that give my blog fodder.
i've only been working at the store for a little less than a month, but already i have had some folks that defy normalcy. there is one guy that used to hang out at my old bookstore that now hangs out at my new bookstore. that man gives me the heebie jeebies. to me, he looks like what i imagine gollum would have looked like if instead of lurking in the depths of the misty mountains, had moved to a trailer park and eaten twinkies while he fondled "the precious". needless to say, i tend to stay on the other side of the store when i see this fellow. i'm sure he's nice but i tend to judge on my instincts and my instincts tell me to run away, run away! we have our share of oddballs, sure. like the old guys that buy a readers digest, paula dean's newest cookbook and the best of lesbian erotica of 2008. or the emo kids that think that they look very individualistic but actually look like the other group of emo kids that just left, who looked like the other emo kids that were there the night before. there is always at least one parent, every shift, that can not or will not control their child/ children. and there is at least one perv (probably trailer park gollum) that leaves random bits of porn all over the store. thank god, i like my co-workers
that is the thing about retail... it is a lot easier to get through a shift when you enjoy working with the staff. my last bookstore had a fun group of booksellers but the manager was difficult and looked like a giraffe. not that she was difficult because she looked like a giraffe, but she did and she was. i don't know what her deal was but she always seemed to not like me. it happens. i was good at my job, great at upselling, gift co-ordinating, and customer service but i was never "good enough" to achieve the employee of the month. and it was obvious to the entire staff that she purposely skipped me every month. so i took it upon myself to buy a oversized novelty button that read, "employee of the month" and wore it under my name tag. if anyone congratulated me on my "achievement" i would politely explain that it was a joke and that the actual EOTM was whomever it happened to be at that time. everyone would laugh and i would carry on with my work. perhaps my sassiness is why i no longer work there. this group i've now joined seem to be able to take a bit of sass and dish out some of their own. thank god. it's just a job, not life or death. they are just books. in the end all will be ok, so just work hard and enjoy it, eh?
but i guess that is the most important part of having a job. to enjoy. i don't work in offices because, i am too much of a free spirit. i get bored and then i get feisty, then i get fired. i have worked so many places (one of the many drawbacks of working in theatre professionally -- you have to supplement your income somehow.) but i find that doing a job where i get to assist people in some way, i like to think that i excel (or at least am kinda good). i enjoy the environment of being surrounded by books. i may not be much of a writer but i can absorb the power of the written word from the great minds that have gone before and paved the way for the next tolkin, Shakespeare, rowling and dickens. the next great name in literature may frequent my store and just maybe i will be the one that leads them to the book that fuels the flames of their literary career. the next Pulitzer prize winning author may be standing on the other side of the counter from me. watch it be trailer park gollum. *skeevy*
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
high diddle lee dee, an actors life for me
so. i haven't posted anything in a long while and for that i am sorry. i'm doing a show and am neck deep in The Producers. i have loved the show ever since i first saw it and thankfully this show hasn't changed that. that will happen sometimes... you see a show and fall in love with it and then by happy circumstance, you are able to work on that same show. something unpleasant happens during the run and now the show is ruined for you forever. happens all the time.
i have been unusually casualty free during the run (knock on wood) so i have enjoyed it pretty well. the last show i did, i fell down a flight of stairs. i was bruised but generally ok. the show before that, i got sick and had to be mic'ed and still couldn't be heard. i've fallen off stages, walked into sets, been run over by set pieces. i'm clumsy. what can i say.
ok so here is the deal. i have to get something off my chest right now. but it is a long and sad tale of deceit and treachery within the world of theatre. hold on to your butts, cause here we go.
several years ago, i was hired by a great director to stage manage his new play which he was taking to a competition (which we won best drama, btw). the theatre that was hosting our rehearsals was also premiering the new play prior to the competition, so i spent a lot of time there. apparently, all the hard work that i was putting in for this show had not gone unnoticed by the TD of the theatre, who it so happens needed a SM for his production of West Side Story. i love that show so when he asked if i was interested, i jumped at the chance. that and you never know when you next gig will come along so best to take it when you can. i did the run with the new play, went to competition, came home and started working on west side. when i went into the artistic dir office to sign the paper work and contracts and what have you, i let them know that if they like the work that i do, i would be willing to set up as the house stage manager. you know, stage manage most of the shows and the ones that i couldn't, coordinate the finding and training of stage managers. i would be on staff. they seemed up for my suggestion and told me that they while they couldn't hire me on staff at that time, the budget meeting would be soon and it would be discussed then. until that time, would i consider "volunteering" with other shows to make sure that i fit in with the other staff and the theatre as a whole. that sounded fine to me as i was volunteering to do spot op and shit like that, not stage manage.
West Side Story was a hit and i felt really good about the production as a whole. after it closed, i upheld my part of the bargain by running spots, set painting during the day and generally being available for what needed to be done. then i met The Bob's.
The Bob's are a local theatre couple that are both named bob and direct, choreograph and support the local theatres. everyone around this damn town acts like the bob's opinion is the be all and end all of theatre as a whole. i had never heard of them before moving here. anyway, the bob's were tag teaming Zorba. one bob was directing the other was stage manager. i was asked to be the assistant SM/deck crew chief (the DCC is in charge of the stage crew and makes sure that everything on the stage is taken care of). i was told that i didn't really need to come to rehearsals until they moved on stage (meaning that the rehearsals took place in a rehearsal room and i wasn't needed until there was set and stuff to worry about) no prob, just let me know when you want me. i was in and out of rehearsals all the time, making sure i was aware of the show. once the cast started rehearsing on stage, i brought my notebook and really got down to business. i had cues written as a back up, set changes choreographed and various lists of rails and props and other whatnots that are needed to be recorded for big shows like zorba. i am a great assistant.
one thing you should know about the bob's is... they will call a rehearsal for certain times and if they don't finish what they had planned for rehearsal, they will keep going. that sounds great doesn't it. well, when you want to run act one and you aren't past the 4th scene and it's already 10:30 at night and you have kids in the cast and the cast as a whole is volunteer and were told that rehearsal would end at 10 and the director is yelling for the next scene and most of the cast has left of their own accord because they have work in the morning... well as you can imagine, it's not fun. that sort of thing happened all the time, i was running late for my PAYING job because of my VOLUNTEERING at the theatre. i told the bob's that i had to leave. rehearsal should have ended an hour and a half before and i had to go to my job. well they threw the biggest hissy fit ever and then said i could go. i'm all for the show must go on and crap, but i have to pay my bills and stuff.
shit like that went on the whole time we rehearsed. then the day before the show, i get a call on my cell from one of the bob's (some people call him bad bob) he informs me that since i can't seem to get along with the cast (that was news to me, since about half the cast was people with whom i had worked many times and with whom i enjoyed doing shows) that they were going to let me go as the assistant SM. and would i bring my prompt book to the theatre that afternoon so the new stage manager could take over. who did they get to replace me? some guy that had been hanging around the theatre for the last week. i thought that he was a family member of one of the cast members but no... he was there to watch me so that he could usurp my position. ass. i tried to say that they technically couldn't fire me as i was unpaid. but bob just said that they didn't want me there. so with a heavy heart, i took my prompt book to the theatre and left it at my station. i picked up my personal items and left.
come to find out after all was said and done... that pretty boy that took over my show was hired as a house SM. the artistic dir basically used me for free labor with a staff job as a carrot. after all was said and done, i tried to be as professional and kind to the bob's. i figured that they were just caught in the middle of the drama and couldn't be faulted. besides everyone around here thinks that they are really important so, might as well stay on their good side.
i have now learned that the bob's have been telling people that i quit the show and left them in the lurch. that is fucking bullshit. and anyone who knows me, knows that i have never done such a thing because it isn't in my nature to do so. the time for caring and placating those assholes is over. as much as i want to be petty and make all sorts of comment about them, i won't but know this. the bob's can lick my lizard.
(and that goes for jason brener, too. i don't like him in any way. not romantically, not friendly, not professionally. and he better stop telling people that i have romantic interests in him or i will gleefully kick his ass. and i mean that literally. i will do him physical harm if he doesn't shut his howling screamer.)
i just had to get all that off my chest and now i fell better.
i have been unusually casualty free during the run (knock on wood) so i have enjoyed it pretty well. the last show i did, i fell down a flight of stairs. i was bruised but generally ok. the show before that, i got sick and had to be mic'ed and still couldn't be heard. i've fallen off stages, walked into sets, been run over by set pieces. i'm clumsy. what can i say.
ok so here is the deal. i have to get something off my chest right now. but it is a long and sad tale of deceit and treachery within the world of theatre. hold on to your butts, cause here we go.
several years ago, i was hired by a great director to stage manage his new play which he was taking to a competition (which we won best drama, btw). the theatre that was hosting our rehearsals was also premiering the new play prior to the competition, so i spent a lot of time there. apparently, all the hard work that i was putting in for this show had not gone unnoticed by the TD of the theatre, who it so happens needed a SM for his production of West Side Story. i love that show so when he asked if i was interested, i jumped at the chance. that and you never know when you next gig will come along so best to take it when you can. i did the run with the new play, went to competition, came home and started working on west side. when i went into the artistic dir office to sign the paper work and contracts and what have you, i let them know that if they like the work that i do, i would be willing to set up as the house stage manager. you know, stage manage most of the shows and the ones that i couldn't, coordinate the finding and training of stage managers. i would be on staff. they seemed up for my suggestion and told me that they while they couldn't hire me on staff at that time, the budget meeting would be soon and it would be discussed then. until that time, would i consider "volunteering" with other shows to make sure that i fit in with the other staff and the theatre as a whole. that sounded fine to me as i was volunteering to do spot op and shit like that, not stage manage.
West Side Story was a hit and i felt really good about the production as a whole. after it closed, i upheld my part of the bargain by running spots, set painting during the day and generally being available for what needed to be done. then i met The Bob's.
The Bob's are a local theatre couple that are both named bob and direct, choreograph and support the local theatres. everyone around this damn town acts like the bob's opinion is the be all and end all of theatre as a whole. i had never heard of them before moving here. anyway, the bob's were tag teaming Zorba. one bob was directing the other was stage manager. i was asked to be the assistant SM/deck crew chief (the DCC is in charge of the stage crew and makes sure that everything on the stage is taken care of). i was told that i didn't really need to come to rehearsals until they moved on stage (meaning that the rehearsals took place in a rehearsal room and i wasn't needed until there was set and stuff to worry about) no prob, just let me know when you want me. i was in and out of rehearsals all the time, making sure i was aware of the show. once the cast started rehearsing on stage, i brought my notebook and really got down to business. i had cues written as a back up, set changes choreographed and various lists of rails and props and other whatnots that are needed to be recorded for big shows like zorba. i am a great assistant.
one thing you should know about the bob's is... they will call a rehearsal for certain times and if they don't finish what they had planned for rehearsal, they will keep going. that sounds great doesn't it. well, when you want to run act one and you aren't past the 4th scene and it's already 10:30 at night and you have kids in the cast and the cast as a whole is volunteer and were told that rehearsal would end at 10 and the director is yelling for the next scene and most of the cast has left of their own accord because they have work in the morning... well as you can imagine, it's not fun. that sort of thing happened all the time, i was running late for my PAYING job because of my VOLUNTEERING at the theatre. i told the bob's that i had to leave. rehearsal should have ended an hour and a half before and i had to go to my job. well they threw the biggest hissy fit ever and then said i could go. i'm all for the show must go on and crap, but i have to pay my bills and stuff.
shit like that went on the whole time we rehearsed. then the day before the show, i get a call on my cell from one of the bob's (some people call him bad bob) he informs me that since i can't seem to get along with the cast (that was news to me, since about half the cast was people with whom i had worked many times and with whom i enjoyed doing shows) that they were going to let me go as the assistant SM. and would i bring my prompt book to the theatre that afternoon so the new stage manager could take over. who did they get to replace me? some guy that had been hanging around the theatre for the last week. i thought that he was a family member of one of the cast members but no... he was there to watch me so that he could usurp my position. ass. i tried to say that they technically couldn't fire me as i was unpaid. but bob just said that they didn't want me there. so with a heavy heart, i took my prompt book to the theatre and left it at my station. i picked up my personal items and left.
come to find out after all was said and done... that pretty boy that took over my show was hired as a house SM. the artistic dir basically used me for free labor with a staff job as a carrot. after all was said and done, i tried to be as professional and kind to the bob's. i figured that they were just caught in the middle of the drama and couldn't be faulted. besides everyone around here thinks that they are really important so, might as well stay on their good side.
i have now learned that the bob's have been telling people that i quit the show and left them in the lurch. that is fucking bullshit. and anyone who knows me, knows that i have never done such a thing because it isn't in my nature to do so. the time for caring and placating those assholes is over. as much as i want to be petty and make all sorts of comment about them, i won't but know this. the bob's can lick my lizard.
(and that goes for jason brener, too. i don't like him in any way. not romantically, not friendly, not professionally. and he better stop telling people that i have romantic interests in him or i will gleefully kick his ass. and i mean that literally. i will do him physical harm if he doesn't shut his howling screamer.)
i just had to get all that off my chest and now i fell better.
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