i'm leaving on a jet plane

so. i realized that have been very diligent in my writing and that i should be more kind to my faithful readers (if there are any). but honestly, there hasn't been too much that i have been passionately moved to write about. since school has been at summer session, i've kinda been stuck at home sitting on my ass, watching the travel channel. due to lack of inspiration, i've decided to type up old journal entries from my first trip to england for school. so hope you enjoy the ravings of a 20 year old college kid with the occasional side note from the blogger.

August 27th 1998 at 11:40

this is it. for the next four months, i will be living in a castle in england. the magnitude of that statement has not sunk in. yet. i'm now air born, listening to the Armageddon soundtrack. aerosmith's "don't wanna miss a thing" is the first song. why did i put that cd in? my eyes are glistening. kevin (kevin was this guy that i was kinda dating at the time. i thought that it was more serious than he did and we casually dated into 1999 but it ended as most relationships do). but, it's only a few months and it's not like i would see him anyway (kevin was in a music group that toured the country singing christian music). i'm not sad, actually i'm excited and ready. after all that has happened this summer (i lived in dallas on the weekends) a semester in another country will be very welcome. the hardest part of getting prepared to to leave was saying goodbye to the people that i love and care about. and family always make things out to be a bigger deal than it is anyway. but this is a big deal! no one else in my family has ever lived overseas. most of my family hasn't even been out of texas

i think that i should have a purpose for this journal. i will be writing in this "hopefully" daily to tell the day's adventure. i will also be using it as a spiritual journal because i've been to long away from god and i must come home. so i plan to write prayers, prayer requests and anything else of that nature (i did make an honest attempt at being religious but it was college and there were too many mornings that i woke up with a hangover.) this book will also serve as a place to store my thoughts as i experience all that i will experience (look out. i'm a totally good writer. not) poetry, snide thoughts drawings, letters i don't intend to send... will all be held within the confines of these covers (until 10 years from now, everything is written online on my blog)

right now i'm hoping that they bring on the grub. i'm awfully tired also. i haven't really just sat and reflected on what has, is and will happen. i love my family and hope that they know that. i hope that my dad is happy (he told me that he was getting divorced that summer). i know that he isn't; no matter how hard he tries to hide it (in hindsight i thing that he was just worried about me and how his divorce would affect me, bless) mama said that he might get married while i am away (my mom the comedian) and i defiantly have some mixed feelings about that. he's an adult so he has to lead his own life so whatever makes him happy...

i will miss kevin (yeah, i moon over this guy a bit) but i'm already accustomed neither seeing nor hearing from him for long periods of time. it's not something i'm necessarily fond of but comfortably ok with. i think he and i both understand the demands of work and school. even if work for hims is traveling and singing. as for how i feel about him. i love him (god bless youth) i gave a hard time about having to drive 2 1/2 hours to see him but i'd have driven 4 times as far to get to see him again before i left. the only think i can do is to pray. if god wans me to love kevin for the rest of my life (god didn't), than i know that that will be His gift. but if god has decided that my life will be perfect with someone else (that is more along the lines of what the plans were), than i will cherish the time that kevin and i have shared and be most happy in god's will. when i think about the latter, i get teary because i want to love only kevin (jeeze, i must have been pms-y) but god's plan is perfect and he will give me all that i need. i just hope that i'm not chasing an empty dream that will only lead to heartbreak. i also hope that i've grownd enough that i've grown enough that the shallowness of heart has deepened and that i wound forget the wonderful man god has placed in my life (nothing like a little foreshadowing right here at the start)

so as much as i moon on about kevin and wax on about god, i was really truly excited to be moving to england. and believe me... the journal gets a lot better the longer i'm there. there's boy kissing, drinking games, clowns, shakespeare, theatre, naked miles and much much more. so stay tuned!